How Do You Come Across

[Flâneuse]

In real life I think I vibe as an ice queen to strangers because of my shyness. Plenty of times people have told me they initially misjudged me as snobby and bitchy but later found out I'm fairly nice. The surface things that make me come across as cold and aloof IRL (like facial expressions, body language, etc.) are absent online, so I think my vibes are softer and kinder.

I tend to be more secretive about my thoughts and feelings in person. On here, I tend to talk more about certain aspects of myself (mainly, my neuroses), sometimes to the point of revealing what I would consider way Too Much Information in real life. Because of this I want to maintain a layer of anonymity on here , and tend to be secretive of the details about my "real identity" and external life.

 

[Litsnob]

It is obvious to me online that most don't respond to what I say, but rather they unconsciously express their own feelings.

Offline it is different, offline I don't focus on myself, rather I focus on the other person. I can see exactly how they are feeling right in front of me, and I can see exactly how they respond to everything I say.

And strange as this may seem, I tailor what I say to make them laugh. I do this with a deadpan face so it seems they laugh spontaneously.

I am very successful at this and do it 2, 3, or 4 times every day.

It does seem strange to me that I make others laugh but don't laugh myself.

But yesterday my chaplain told me that if I make others laugh, I don't need to laugh myself.

I think that I understand what you are saying because offline I am very focused on the other person too. I am watching reactions, checking how they might be feeling, and because I seek to make people comfortable I will lighten the mood with a joke, or express my seriousness if that is what is what I think will help. I find it difficult to imagine what it looks like, when someone is intent on making others laugh but doesn't laugh himself. I laugh often and I think sometimes I laugh when there is nothing apparently funny, just because I am instinctively trying to promote a light-hearted ambiance.

Do you think you laugh inwardly? Is laughing disconnected from happiness in your mind? I would like to understand why you do not laugh.

 

[Litsnob]

In real life I think I vibe as an ice queen to strangers because of my shyness. Plenty of times people have told me they initially misjudged me as snobby and bitchy but later found out I'm fairly nice. The surface things that make me come across as cold and aloof IRL (like facial expressions, body language, etc.) are absent online, so I think my vibes are softer and kinder.

I tend to be more secretive about my thoughts and feelings in person. On here, I tend to talk more about certain aspects of myself (mainly, my neuroses), sometimes to the point of revealing what I would consider way Too Much Information in real life. Because of this I want to maintain a layer of anonymity on here , and tend to be secretive of the details about my "real identity" and external life.

Yes, I relate to everything you have said.

I often look more self confident than I am and people read it as snobbishness or arrogance. My mother is the same and she is ISFJ. The less confident and shy I feel the less likely I am to smile as I am just coping with being there and that brings on resting bitch face. Some people pull of looking shy without looking bitchy but I don't know how they do it.

It's amazing what the anonymity of the internet can lead us to say. I sometimes regret what I reveal but I also have a very difficult time functioning if I don't use my real name and/or photo. I have an urge to be open and genuine though I sometimes regret it. Do you ever regret what you reveal online?

 

[Litsnob]

I wish I had more of a clue how I came off in real life and here. From the inklings I've heard, I come off as more hesitant than I realize IRL, but more solid than I realize online.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Except not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, as I coincidentally just joined a speaking class today to work on this and seek feedback.

Are you looking forward to the speaking class or dreading it as something you think you 'must' do? I hope it goes well. I don't know if speaking and writing things online match up well but maybe you will get a better sense of that than I have after you take your speaking skills class.

 

[Litsnob]

I would like to think my written communication accurately conveys me because my main mode of communication for work is through texts and emails...to address issues and brainstorm ideas. But who really knows?

I think there is probably a difference between expressing facts and expression emotions or feelings, with the latter being harder to do in only text. Do you notice a difference in the addressing issues part compared with the brainstorming ideas part?

 

[Hawthorne]

irl: non-participant/aloof
online: ???

 

[Litsnob]

I apparently come across as lighter and more expressive on here than I am in real life... I learned to use emoticons in order to lighten my words and how to use nicer phrasings for things because internet people don't know if you're joking and I didn't care to make everyone hate me straight off

Good strategy! I forget to use emoticons because I forget that people don't just automatically know I mean well. Duh-that doesn't always work out when my humour tends to be dry and sarcastic. I've probably got haters already! ;-)

 

[miss fortune]

Good strategy! I forget to use emoticons because I forget that people don't just automatically know I mean well. Duh-that doesn't always work out when my humour tends to be dry and sarcastic. I've probably got haters already! ;-)

nah... you can't be evil. people with flower avatars are never evil!

 

[Litsnob]

irl: non-participant/aloof
online: ???

Well online you are participating apparently and aloofness is more difficult to detect online too so maybe you are coming across as thoughtful, brilliant and calm.

 

[Litsnob]

I think I come across pretty accurately. Now compared to IRL, 99% of the people would deem me as quite and don't talk much. Those I really know and am around alot have seen otherwise.

I could be mistaken for an extrovert when I am with people I know well and I am comfortable. Once there are more than four people in the room I tend to be very quiet. I would take you to be someone who says little unless it's a topic that really gets you wound up and then you might have lots to say about it. But maybe it's the frown that makes me think that. ;-)

- - - Updated - - -

唯一の私は右の考え方にアクセスした場合、私はすべての人のコックを吸うだろう!?

Oh okay, got it.

- - - Updated - - -

唯一の私は右の考え方にアクセスした場合、私はすべての人のコックを吸うだろう!?

Oh okay, got it.

 

[Litsnob]

Not sure about online or in real life how I actually come across. It's something I wonder about a lot though.

I am the same. I have to try not to worry about it but usually I worry about it more online as I think that I have less control over it. Not sure why I think that.

 

[Litsnob]

I'm not really sure how I come across online. In real life I'm more aware of it because I've been told by other people.

Feedback can certainly help. I hope the feedback you got offline was acceptable.

 

[Litsnob]

nah... you can't be evil. people with flower avatars are never evil!

I would not know how to be evil even if I wanted to, but I was accused of it once offline. Of course I am pretty sure she was batshit insane so that has to be kept in mind.

 

[miss fortune]

I would not know how to be evil even if I wanted to, but I was accused of it once offline. Of course I am pretty sure she was batshit insane so that has to be kept in mind.

anyone who drags out extremes like the word "evil" as a descriptive in real life either reads way too many fantasy novels or must be a bit unbalanced!

(I fall into the former category and possibly later)

 

[Litsnob]

anyone who drags out extremes like the word "evil" as a descriptive in real life either reads way too many fantasy novels or must be a bit unbalanced!

(I fall into the former category and possibly later)

I am totally attracted to unbalanced people, or rather they are attracted to me. And fantasy is great! So clearly we can be friends.

 

[Galena]

Are you looking forward to the speaking class or dreading it as something you think you 'must' do? I hope it goes well. I don't know if speaking and writing things online match up well but maybe you will get a better sense of that than I have after you take your speaking skills class.

Yes, I am looking forward to it. What I like the least about this is that I'm rarely actually feeling as tentative as I sound. I was more socially anxious in the past, though, and must have developed vocal habits then that stuck. I don't see myself as being that way anymore don't like it in principle, so it's not how I want to come across.

Also, I don't tend to get nervous about trying new things when they could be a source of improvement.

 

[fetus]

IRL: quiet, witty, kind, relaxed, disillusioned with many things, a little cynical
IRL, around close friends: silly, frenetic, sensitive, random
Forum: how the hell should I know?

 

[Coriolis]

Communication online is difficult, with the lack of facial expressions, body language and tone of voice. Do you think you come across accurately online or not? If not, how do you compensate for that? How does it affect you when you aren't read as you intended?

I don't have a good idea of how I come across to people because I don't get much feedback especially in RL. I have been told that I give relatively few nonverbal cues in person, and I know I find it hard to interpret correctly the cues given by others, so I tend to focus on our actual words. Communicating online is thus simpler, since all we have are our words. I feel my meaning is understood for the most part. When I am misunderstood, it is often because someone is trying to read something into what I have said or written that isn't there.

Good strategy! I forget to use emoticons because I forget that people don't just automatically know I mean well. Duh-that doesn't always work out when my humour tends to be dry and sarcastic. I've probably got haters already! ;-)

I do not feel I can communicate my meaning with any precision using emoticons. They are too ambiguous. This is primarily why I avoid them. Anything I have to say can be said with words.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I can't say with certainty irl being that I do have mixed, contradictory, reviews and that is appropriately confusing. The only consensus I can seem to gather from the bunch is that I come off "quiet". To submit my own guess, I think I might look like an ISFJ.

Online, I haven't a clue at all.

 

[Flâneuse]

Yes, I relate to everything you have said.

I often look more self confident than I am and people read it as snobbishness or arrogance. My mother is the same and she is ISFJ. The less confident and shy I feel the less likely I am to smile as I am just coping with being there and that brings on resting bitch face. Some people pull of looking shy without looking bitchy but I don't know how they do it.

It's amazing what the anonymity of the internet can lead us to say. I sometimes regret what I reveal but I also have a very difficult time functioning if I don't use my real name and/or photo. I have an urge to be open and genuine though I sometimes regret it. Do you ever regret what you reveal online?

I've felt mild embarrassment over some things I've revealed about myself, but never enough regret to go back and delete it. I think I have the urge to confess some things online because they're too embarrassing to talk about in real life, except maybe to a therapist, or to a close friend after a few drinks. There's something weirdly satisfying about posting something really personal about myself, for anyone who stumbles across this site to read, without feeling like it's really being connected to me. I can get it off my chest without consequences.

I have, however, regretted being rude and snarky online (using the internet as an outlet to express displaced hostility from real lifte), because then it's affecting other people.

I've also seen what you're talking about in your the first paragraph -- some people look shy but sweet, like they're just waiting for others to approach them first, while some shy people ironically come across as standoffish, as though they're rejecting others. I think it depends on whether or not they're visibly anxious. Without even intending to, I hide my feelings of shyness when they get severe as a way to avoid feeling even more vulnerable -- it works, but then I just come across as merely standoffish because I'm so disconnected from people due to bottling up all my feelings. When I feel mild shyness I'm more likely to try to push through it without bottling it up -- I come across as nervous but nice in these circumstances, and find that having my feelings come through, even my anxiety, can "break the ice" with understanding people. (A little shyness can be endearing; aloofness, not so much.) Then there's more chance I'll be able to genuinely get over my shyness for a little while and just interact with people naturally.