Introverts are LOSERS

[Moiety]

HEY NOW!!

Let the man have his catharsis.

In the end different people are happy in different ways. If nothing else, this is what MBTI helps explain.

 

[millerm277]

Wow! I never knew I was unpopular, unsuccessful, and a hopeless dreamer until now! And it's all because of that damn introversion!

More seriously....I seem to be as popular as I would like to be, have lots of fun, and so far, have achieved everything I've set out to accomplish. My being introverted has rarely, if ever, felt like it's stopped me from doing things that I want to do/should do.

 

[Athenian200]

Why do you believe you're a loser?

Ahem.

Short answer: I have no friends, I have no job, I don't go to school. I just lay around in front of the computer and sleep all day, waiting to be fed. Kind of like a housecat with a computer replacing the yarn.

Long answer:
I have no friends in real life, I was too unmotivated to keep going to college, the only way I got a job was because my father gave me one, but I ended up quitting because I felt too guilty about the nepotism factor and the environment ended up being too open-ended for me.

So basically, all I do is sleep, wait around to be fed, and sit in front of the computer. Because that's all I know how to do anymore. I never did anything in high school except study all the time, prepare to absurd degrees for every assignment, even though I was just taking regular classes (didn't want to risk AP classes). I never got involved with other people at all, except on group projects... which I would often complete alone while letting everyone take credit.

I always had this vague idea that everyone who had been in school before regretted not paying more attention to their studies. I tried so hard to avoid making that mistake... that I didn't realize that I didn't care very much about achievement. I felt like I was doing the right thing by buckling down and forcing myself to focus on nothing but work, shutting people out as much as possible.

Now, I realize... I made a much worse error. I wasted every opportunity I had to connect with people. Now I'm trapped in a situation I can't improve because I would need to reach out to people in order to do so... but I have no one to reach out to, and no knowledge of how to reach out even if I did. I always learned how to do everything myself. I even tried to learn this.

When I ask for advice, people always tell me to do things involving other people I don't know how to do, that I'm expected to already understand or have access to. So I'm caught in something of a catch-22... I probably need people to help me out of my situation and open up more possibilities for me, but the very situation I need help out of is a lack of friends and disconnection from people... which means there's no one to help me.

On top of it, my mother is in kind of the same boat... so she can't help me. She doesn't have any friends either. That's probably why I never learned any such skills.


If that's not a loser, I don't know what is.

 

[Lady_X]

just read the short answer cuz that long one was giving me a headache...but aww dude!!

you just need to change your perspective.

 

[heart]

Anth. What does it matter if you are loser or winner to the outside world? Find what makes you happy. Screw the rest!

 

[IrishStallion819]

If you truly care about people and put people first.......your not a loser.. Sure, you may seem "uninteresting" or Less "outgoing".compared to some. But when it really counts, you'll make a huge impact in someones life where other personalities couldn't come through.. I know, in this culture dominated by mass media; Its tough being who you are but be yourself.. I rather be appreciated by one person, than to be appreciated by 50 or 100 people; Just because I put on a face and "acted" popular.. THe last, Shall be first.. Ahahah the funny thing is, Often times the people that are deemed "cool", are coming to me for advice or direction.. SO, you know tjey don't all have it figured out lolz..

 

[Kalach]

10 years ago I would've been all over that book and it would've made me even crazier than I already was.

Me too. But reading beyond the first few pages probably wouldn't have happened, the sheer lack of appropriate material would've been too much for my intuition.

Ahem.

Short answer: I have no friends, I have no job, I don't go to school. I just lay around in front of the computer and sleep all day, waiting to be fed. Kind of like a housecat with a computer replacing the yarn.

I read the long answer too. Sounds totally like me ten years ago. (Except I got the job through a friend of my professor.)

Quick fact check: you're sure you're INFJ?

Ok. So in that case...

First, your Ni is stalled.
Second, your Se is bitching at you, but not putting in.

So, create novelty.

Now's a good time to put on a blindfold and jump in somewhere. Anywhere, really. Except your Ni will mostly be warning of all the things that aren't worth doing. So, you should be putting out feelers of some kind, gathering information about "opportunities," bizarre things that you haven't done before but which ring up scary bells in your intuition.

What came out of my funk ten years ago is... I live in China now.

So, be careful what you wish for

 

[Athenian200]

Anth. What does it matter if you are loser or winner to the outside world? Find what makes you happy. Screw the rest!

Well, I was using the term figuratively more than literally.

I was using it more to mean that I don't know how to move forward, that I keep getting stuck in the same place. I don't really care about "winning."

 

[EcK]

I feel like huging you right now. damn fe.
Or rather taking you out for a damn drink.

But I realise it's wierd to say that over a forum.

I've been depressive for years and at times must fight old bad habits to settle in. It's like an anesthesia of the soul and every drive running drier and drier.

 

[Athenian200]

If you truly care about people and put people first.......your not a loser.. Sure, you may seem "uninteresting" or Less "outgoing".compared to some. But when it really counts, you'll make a huge impact in someones life where other personalities couldn't come through.. I know, in this culture dominated by mass media; Its tough being who you are but be yourself.. I rather be appreciated by one person, than to be appreciated by 50 or 100 people; Just because I put on a face and "acted" popular.. THe last, Shall be first.. Ahahah the funny thing is, Often times the people that are deemed "cool", are coming to me for advice or direction.. SO, you know tjey don't all have it figured out lolz..

Oh... I'm not talking about being popular. I mean that I really don't have any friends, and that I need a way to reach out to people.

I know I'm probably not a loser in that sense... but I do have the problem of not being able to move forward.

Me too. But reading beyond the first few pages probably wouldn't have happened, the sheer lack of appropriate material would've been too much for my intuition.



I read the long answer too. Sounds totally like me ten years ago. (Except I got the job through a friend of my professor.)

Quick fact check: you're sure you're INFJ?

Ok. So in that case...

First, your Ni is stalled.
Second, your Se is bitching at you, but not putting in.

So, create novelty.

Now's a good time to put on a blindfold and jump in somewhere. Anywhere, really. Except your Ni will mostly be warning of all the things that aren't worth doing. So, you should be putting out feelers of some kind, gathering information about "opportunities," bizarre things that you haven't done before but which ring up scary bells in your intuition.

What came out of my funk ten years ago is... I live in China now.

So, be careful what you wish for

I'm definitely an IJ, for what it's worth. Probably INFJ. That sounds about right... but that's just it. I don't have any idea how to survive if I just jump in somewhere, and there's no one to help me figure it out. I don't really feel like I have anything to fall back on.

 

[Anja]

Half my life I heard negative comments about introversion and it's truly BS. Introversion is simply the way that I deal with personal energy.

But society lables it "bad."

 

[IrishStallion819]

Oh... I'm not talking about being popular. I mean that I really don't have any friends, and that I need a way to reach out to people.

I know I'm probably not a loser in that sense... but I do have the problem of not being able to move forward.

Oh, I was talking to MrME.

 

[Costrin]

I'm a proud introvert. I have no desire to change, and you can't make me!

 

[MrME]

Ahem.

Short answer: I have no friends, I have no job, I don't go to school. I just lay around in front of the computer and sleep all day, waiting to be fed. Kind of like a housecat with a computer replacing the yarn.

It's so hard to address these kinds of problems on an Internet forum. I'd give you a hug, if I could. It would take a lot of chatting back and forth before I was able to boil my thoughts and feelings down to something I could write here, but I can't.

We all get into situations that seem all-around bad. I was a part of the dot-com boom in California in the mid-90s. When the bottom of that fell out, I found myself in waaaayyy over my head. I couldn't find a job for the life of me and I eventually had to move 2000 miles back home to live in my mother's condo for about four months. That was one of the most demoralizing years in my life. I quickly found myself in a similar position to the one you're describing. I was spending days upon days upon weeks just staying home, fiddling on the Internet, and watching TV. I'm an EXTREME introvert, but even this was too much for me.

So, I looked through the local news rag and found a job at a coffee shop, making a wage that was just barely over minimum. It was enough to get me out of the house and a little more active.

Also, do you know if there are any community clinics near you? Seeing a counselor for your depression might be very helpful -- INFJs respond very quickly to therapy, believe it or not. You'll find it to be a great relief when you can just let go and emote with a confidant. If you have a community clinic near you, you could even consider volunteering. Again, it'll get you out and about.

Hopefully at least one of my suggestions will help.

And remember that YOU are not defined by your situation.

 

[Moiety]

Well, I was using the term figuratively more than literally.

I was using it more to mean that I don't know how to move forward, that I keep getting stuck in the same place. I don't really care about "winning."

I can partially relate Athenian. More and more the idea of a career seems to me like something that is forced upon us. And I can also see how meeting people can get harder and harder.

I've been more alone the past year then I ever had before. I can't really complain, because I have some friends, but I'm losing contact with them as time goes by. It's sometimes tough to swallow but in the end no one is going to save us if we don't do it ourselves. I'm not going to meet new people by sitting around all day. I'm not going to enjoy myself by staying in a college course that I hate. That's why I've decided to change things. Everything is a good excuse to explore. New school, new job, new environment. I know I won't change unless I get out. I'm privileged because I'm young and have support but personally, I think nothing but a radical measure can improve a "stuck in a rut" situation. Obviously I know nothing about you or the details of your situation, but I thought I'd share regardless.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

Don't believe me? The Intertoobs say so:

Defeat Introversion

Heh, when I read this it makes me think of a "Morpheous" type from the Matrix offering everyone only the blue pills. (Or maybe a reverse red pill. Something like that.)

 

[MrME]

So, create novelty.

Now's a good time to put on a blindfold and jump in somewhere. Anywhere, really. Except your Ni will mostly be warning of all the things that aren't worth doing. So, you should be putting out feelers of some kind, gathering information about "opportunities," bizarre things that you haven't done before but which ring up scary bells in your intuition.

This is some EXCELLENT advice!

 

[NewEra]

Half my life I heard negative comments about introversion and it's truly BS. Introversion is simply the way that I deal with personal energy.

But society lables it "bad."

Yeah, the most successful people tend to be more introverted than extraverted. I don't give a fuck what the public masses think, you don't have to be extraverted to be successful or happy. There are billions of examples of that throughout history.

 

[EcK]

I'm not sure that answering to one cliché with another is the solution chosen.

 

[Kalach]

I'm definitely an IJ, for what it's worth. Probably INFJ. That sounds about right... but that's just it. I don't have any idea how to survive if I just jump in somewhere, and there's no one to help me figure it out. I don't really feel like I have anything to fall back on.

Well, for me, back then, after college, after the first job played out, I stayed at home in my apartment coasting on the money I hadn't spent doing that first job. (There's the introvert's advantage: no life, a little money goes a long way). Of course, money was eventually going to be a problem, so I started taking advantage of Unemployment Benefits. The Oz system meant you had to document jobs you'd at least tried to apply for. Thus, I became really quite good at applying for jobs that cursorily sounded right but which I wouldn't get, especially given how well I learned to craft a bad cover letter. (Had a few scares, one or two calls in for interview, but managed to dodge them, heh.)

Fun times, easy times.

I began to recognise a particular urge, a thing that made some jobs look more compelling and others look less compelling: get thee abroad, my intuition was telling me.

That's me. There was a half-formed urge in me somewhere, and maybe it was a bit disabling because most things I saw don't look like answers to that urge.

But I can look back and say the urge was real and important to me.

How about you? Got any... um... urges? Vague senses of a hope or a wish?

One or two small things a day to address the vague urge and make it clearer. Might pay off. At least it'll give you something to focus the worry.