The most obvious thing about your typing seems to be 9w1 core. There's a heavy focus on fairness, "reaching people," a desire to listen and be heard that is very characteristic of 9w1 core here, as well as the superego edge that it brings with self-criticalness as well as a good level of sensitivity to others as well as yourself. The focus on openness, the mergingness as well comes with being attachment core to a degree.
INFP 9w1 sp/so I think, I could see the 946 working, you're probably head last (especially considering "I am a very shameful person" and "shame and fear are sort of the same for me," the mixing of the center fixation (ie. shame, fear, anger) often happens especially with the last instinct). I'm not sure on mbti as much as enneagram here, I waffled between ISFJ and INFP for you, but glancing over your instagram really reminds me of my ENFP (6w7 so/sp) friend, so it's probably high Fi (especially since you mentioned towards the beginging that you suspected high Fi was the case as well; I'm a lot better at narrowing down enneagram and specifically the perceiving functions of the mbti system than the judging functions through visual cues like this). The more I watched, the more obvious INFP became I think. You don't seem inferior Si, aux Ne seems fitting enough. I didn't see heavy 4, but you did seem relatively withdrawn? And I guess the jealousy aspect was fitting of 4 (and maybe 6 to a degree as well). Not 3 I don't think.
The purpose question near the beginning solidified the fact that I saw soc (iv wise) from the beginning. Your mentioning of the people you are drawn to is also pretty consistent with some sort of social instinct being present. Being evasive of those those who are dominant or excessively touchy/attentive to inconsistencies follows with low T functions and actually sort of makes me think that 9w1 enneagram might work pretty well. Your interest in health, nutrition, (ect) follows along with the sp instinct, and (not that I put a lot of faith in this theory in general, but most people do and in this case I'm seeing it), you really come across like a syn flow type. I don't really see the more erratic expression style that is more characteristic of soc dom, so I'd say sp/so, with so/sp as a secondary suggestion if that doesn't work (since withdrawn cores tend to tone down the expressionism of soc in general and it seems to be a prominent part of your psyche regardless).
Thank you for your response!
Enneagram 9 and 4 are also what I'm thinking about. I honestly also see a stronger 9. I'm usually in this mode of fairness, reaching people, listening, being heard, being super nice, being peaceful, being earthy with a touch of being critical or somtimes VERY critical if I get very triggered. But I don't like being critical. I honestly like to see the good even in mass murders. Or if their is nothing good to find I will at least try to empathise with them - I usually feel sorry for them. I of course still believe that society should be protected from them.
The 4 comes out in bursts. Bursts of "I am nothing. I have no identity. I need to find an identity, quickly!" or bursts of "I need to express my true self more!". It's a more rare aspect of my life, but if the burst happens it's usually pretty impactful. I might quit a job, suddenly always do voice messages when I never did them before, suddenly get into some kind of diet. I don't know. Stuff like that. And I might also suddenly express my raw, weird thoughts more. Which usually makes people go like "????", because as I said, usually I am very put together.
The thing with the social instinct is interesting.
I alaways saw the social instinct as loving to hang out, loving to talk, loving groups, stuff like that. And I don't! My social energy is very, very introverted. I even did drugs/alcohol to open up more. Now I don't do that anymore and, well, I like hanging out 1 on 1... sometimes... for a few hours. Lol.
BUT still: society is always in my mind. Impacting it. Analyzing it.
And my way to do that is the internet. I only recently started being brave enough to show an actual online presence and I love it so far. I'm growing my IG account and want to grow on Youtube, too possibly. It's perfect for me. I can do everything I love about being social (sharing ideas, talking, discussing, showing, I can think more beforehand) without everything I hate (immediate reactions, no way to quickly get out of social situations without seeming weird,...). So it does kinda make sense.
Before you said that I thought about being Sx/Sp, because I always liked to merge with a partner and got very obsessed in relationships.
And Sp, well, I don't know. It's a constant interest in my life, but not a stressful one. It's kinda my comfort zone. People stress me lol.
And INFP, yea, I think it's very clear. I was interested in MBTI years ago and also typed as an INFP. I usually get typed as an INFP, too. With the occasional ENFP, INTJ, INTP and ENTP inbetween.
Btw: I would hate to be a INFP 9w1, I would prefer any other type... maybe that also says something.
For instincts I'd hate to be So first. So maybe that also says something. I don't know.