I hear you and I understand the frustration. And I appreciate you asking this question and where it is coming from.
The thing is - there is no trick.
Compare it to when a Te-user hurries you along to get on with your Ti process, already. They're basically asking you to dismiss your own judgement - the function that houses your ego - in favour of theirs. And Fe does the same with Fi.
I've frustrated many a person with this and tbh, it just ends up with me withdrawing from them and not sharing details of my life or sharing in their life because I don't want to do that again to them, and I don't want to resent the crap out of them for making me betray my own process and self.
There is, however, depending on the circumstances, one way that might work.
And I'm going to use a very drastic black and white analogy to illustrate my point, to make you understand just how Fi views relationships. Keep in mind, this may rub Fe-users the wrong way, because it is from an Fi (at least mine) pov.
Say you see a person you wanna sleep with. They look great, they smell great, they do all the right stuff for you. And you're horny, it's been a while. Meanwhile, they respond well to you, they laugh at your jokes, they touch you, etc. But - when you go in for the kill, they withdraw. They hem and haw. They're not sure.
Now, coming back to your original question. What you're asking me to do sounds basically like the equivalent of: 'How many drinks do I have to pour into them before I can bypass their consent and get them to do what I want, already?'
In this case, Xe (Fe or Te) just wants to get laid and have a good time already. They are focused on the
result. Xi (Fi or Ti) isn't sure because they need more information to make that judgement and (in Fi's case) see if it feels right. They are focused on
getting there the right way.
The point is, to get them to where you are without giving them the time they need to actually reach that conclusion themselves, you'd be resorting to (in Fe's case) emotional manipulation, cajoling, coaxing, and so on, to get around their consent and get to the end point already.
This is pretty much comparable to a person wining and dining another, buying them all kinds of stuff even though the other person didn't ask for that, using every seduction trick in the book, including stuff that lowers inhibitions and then emotionally guiltttripping them to deliver, since they want their ROI, already.
Those people, I actively avoid and boot out of my life. A smart guy can seduce me without all that junk and in less time than it takes to finish just 1 dinner, just by doing one crucial thing: showing me that he actually respects my consent. Though I do appreciate the game play of seduction and flirtation as a perk
That means that he actually shows me what he wants, why he wants it,
acknowledges and shows that he's looking for my consent on this, to see where I stand AND is willing to give me the time I need in order not to pressure me, to decide on that, as well as is willing to walk away if I do decide to say 'no' -> this last one actually outs any players that weren't sincere as they'll throw a monumental hissy fit when their con doesn't work and they get a 'no' anyways. In essence, they lie about respecting your consent.
So why does an honest person who puts himself out there, dares to be vulnerable and actually forges a connection with another human being still get a 'no', despite doing *everything* right?
It usually means that nobody would've been able to get in the Fi-users pants. It's nothing personal, but maybe they just got out of a relationship and got burned bad and aren't ready yet for the game. Maybe they're looking for a different type of relationships and don't do one night stands. And maybe they're still exploring what exactly it is they want (and this is what you're mostly referring to, I think, but it isn't something you can rush!). Whatever the reason, the person opts out of the 'greater good' of having a good time together and doesn't fulfil the other person's expectations.
Having this decision rushed, btw, is almost guaranteed to produce a 'no' since there just isn't enough information to risk a 'yes'. And there isn't time, if you do have the information', or the quiet you need (as it's an introverted function) to actually process the information properly in order to warrant a 'yes'. Iow, the outside pressure pretty much stops the process dead in its track -> this is where your void in communication comes from and why the sound boarding goes away.
I have the same, btw, with Ni-users. My Ne works itself out by bouncing things off of other people, by sound boarding. When I do that with my INTJ and he's thought about the topic before, he can keep up, no prob. If I do this on something that hits both Ni and Fi, on a topic he hasn't actually had time to process yet, it just gridlocks him. It's infuriating for me, as I need the sound boarding to figure things out ,and he suddenly first needs a week to actually work things out before he can give me that. But I've learned to walk away and just gently remind him that I still want to discuss this with him and that he can get back to me at any time. There just is no other way of doing this than to respect the process he needs to go through to get me my answer. And so, instead, I do everything I can to
support his Ni process and go out of my way to respect it, coz it tends to be dead on and full of useful information when it can freely do its thing. I'd be nuts not to.
The bottom line is - you do not control the other person. Nor should you try to. Your need for a result does not trump their need to actually make that journey the way it was meant to be made. You do not get to make that decision for them and pressing them will only backfire. And this is, btw, why and how Fi sees Fe as selfish, while Fe points to Fi being selfish for holding up the group.
That said, there is something that absolutely motivates and inspires me - as much as the pressure gridlocks me and makes me wanna bend over and cut my own throat to keep you from getting what you want, btw - it is the genuine vulnerability of a friend who asks me in all sincerity to help them out with something and takes the time to explain to me why this is so vital to them (and have them recognise that it may not at all be vital to me, for that matter - Fe tends to think that the rest of the group should value the same things they do 'for the greater good' which rubs the need for individuality in Fi-users the wrong way - aka, I'm not you). I'll bend over backwards if it's in my power to do so. And I'll apologise profusely if I'm not able to because my Fi just...isn't there yet. I'll also do anything I can though to circumvent the stuff I still need to sort out and find a way to make it happen for you.
But only if you make it clear you won't hold it against me if I can't deliver, that you don't place any expectations on me, and that you recognise this is in fact
my decision. It's a favour - not something I owe you. I'd walk through fire for a genuine request from a friend like that. I'll reorganise my entire life, if I have to, to help you out.
Take my consent for granted, and watch me do everything I can to sabotage your control over me with equal zeal
