Apollanaut
Senior Mugwump
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2008
- Messages
- 550
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 9w1
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
I thought we were perfect!
Perfectionist to a fault
Highly critical
Overly sensitive
"woe is me" syndrome
intense mental/emotional breakdowns
Paranoia
Pessimism
bull-headedness-won't listen to reason
Clingy
extra moody
a doormat-too submissive
dogmatic
delusional
What a great thought. I've been trying to watch out for some of those pitfalls in myself by using Ti to check myself. Along w/ maturity, there probably needs to be a certain level of self-awareness for any INFJ to improve.I wonder if maturity has a tendency to beat many of the more extreme negative traits out of the INFJ. Reality demands a certain level of objective thinking, and with a strengthened Ti, the INFJ seems better able to get a reign on their emotions.
I can only speak from personal experience, because I am the only INFJ I have encountered in the "real" world. It took me a long time to go from an unhealthy state of mind to a (relatively) healthy one. Then again, I was raised in a lopsided home -- Mother was ISFJ and loved her kids ... Father was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who told his eldest son (me) that he was essentially worthless ... and I grew into adulthood believing it.
I think I was in my shadow personality for all of my childhood after puberty, and well into my 20s. It took me a long time to climb out of the trap.
I was:
-Very needy. People took advantage of me all the time.
-Gullible. See above.
-Paranoid. I didn't trust anybody, even close friends.
-Arrogant. I was always looking for reasons why I was better than people, but I would only ever find ways that I was worse, so I compensated by pretending to be a bad-ass. LOLz, indeed.
-Moody as hell. My emotions would fly off the handle at any given moment, and then I would guilt myself out about it, then I would get depressed, and the whole cycle would start over again.
-Phobic. I am still working through this.
There are boundaries??
Also the accusation (I feel it that way -- an accusation rather than a statement) that we have all these secrets. Some things are private, that's all. As in none of your business. Why is that such a foreign concept? Which things are none of your business? The things I won't talk about. Why? Because I don't want to! This strikes other people as bull-headed but it seems to me an inalienable right of the individual to define what matters and what does not for himself, and to define what is shared and what is not, and for other people to ... like it or lump it. :-D
I wonder if saying no is as difficult for other types. It's excruciating, isn't it?
You know what's funny, though -- sometimes when you say no, the other person says, "Oh, ok."
I love it when that happens.
Aren't unhealthy/stressed INFJs on some sort of negative ESTP mode? (seek immediate gratification, uncaring etc)
It could be to much to ask him that he has to figure everything out for you to know. If your looking for someone who already have everything laid out for them, try dating an ISTJ/INTJ with strategical aproach to life. You don't sound like you wan't to live in the moment and it can be a pain to live in different rythm's.
I'm guessing he isn't hating it that to just leave it.
Oh GOSH no!
<----Dude, look over there.
Notice how I'm an ENFP?
I fantasize about the future - but I live for the NOW.
I only asked him because I was curious - another service we ENFPs provide
It's not the lack of direction that's a worry at all - it's the other, more self-destructive habits he has and the obviously lacking feeling of self worth.
...Huh?
When I'm unhealthy and stressed, I withdraw from everyone around me and retreat into whatever form of immediate gratification of the moment, ESTP-style. I have an extremely hard time admitting weakness, and rather than addressing problems as they arise, I'll avoid confrontation until what started as a small problem has spiraled into a larger one. It's about the most unhealthy way to live, ever. I internalize stress to a very great degree, too, so often will be physically sick during times of stress.
Fortunately, I've learned to get a handle on most of these things.