I have never seen 6 directly correlated to trauma, but to inconsistent parenting.
Ditto. And the feedback I received (from again, small sample) supported this. Many e6's perceive their childhood as being fairly normal, or at least no serious traumas or abuse sticking out.
You can have inconsistent parenting from two very different parents, or one parent who perhaps has issues with being inconsistent. .
Yep. I think this is more commonly the case, as well. Though, I was a bit surprised of the number that
did have extremely difficult childhoods. There was a trend, but really that could be for a number of reasons. I think people who have endured abuse/trauma are more likely to respond to a post asking specifically about it (just comes in on the radar more) but also, there will be some overlap in dysfunctional environments and 'inconsistency'.. so that it falls into a subcategory of 'type of inconsistency'.
In my case I believe it relates to my mother being a very laissez-faire and kind of incompetent but deeply loving e9, and my grandparents being strict and authoritarian. And yes in my early years I found more security in the "patriarchal style " of my retired military grandfather, but later in my teens preferred my mother because she accepted me for who I am and I could be honest with her (my 4 heart fix likely came from feeling misunderstood by the people I thought were most secure earlier in life).
Yeah, that makes sense. My mom definitely had issues with consistency, but they were more along the lines of poor emotional control and perfectionism, which I've made my peace with overtime. From her childhood, she absorbed the belief that to be a good parent, one must completely submerge their own identity into sacrifices for the child and family. So we'd get long periods of her being ridiculously attentive, obsessive in crafts/projects, baking, attending activities, household work, PTA.. and then every so often she'd lose her shit and lash out on all of us for our 'ingratitude'. But in the end, I'm actually thankful that I got to see this kind of mental-bondage in action.. because then I was able to understand that what you can do and give for other people is directly related to how full your own cup is. And now as a parent, I don't
everfeel bad for leaving my kid with a babysitter to get a massage, or booking a trip with friends. I think the most important thing a parent can teach a child is self-love, reflected back through the parent. Too many moms will run themselves ragged, attempting to fulfill every wish and want. But they don't know how to model what self-love really looks and feels like.
Ah, parenting is some tough shit. It deserves the greatest compassion.