re party situation
DEAR GOD i tend to write a lot. condensed points:
1. your friend probably didn't mean to be so negative toward you or others - it was a personal feeling. maybe she didn't like the activity because it made her feel restricted, or put her on the spot, etc. she also probably didn't want to be left out, hence complaining instead of leaving.
2.
I was hosting a party and had planned and prepared for what I thought would be fun activities [...] if she didn't like it, then she didn't need to participate [...] I would have gone out of my way to make sure she had something to do.
it's a bit... well, it's like "you're going to have fun doing my activity, and if you don't, you can go away, and i will organize something else for you to do far away from me." that really doesn't sound
fun to me. i think it might be a P and J thing, to some extent. as a P, i feel like fun kind of just happens. Js maybe are more interested in
creating fun, which to me can feel restricting. i suspect that part of the issue is probably that she wanted to have a good time and to socialize, but your activity seemed like a barrier to fun, maybe both to herself and others.
and it just kind of seems like a lose-lose situation for her: either she has to be bored or ostracized. and yes, maybe that's her personal problem, but if she's feeling it, maybe others are too.
3. maybe she even felt like she was doing others a favor by speaking up and pointing out her opinion that the activities were boring. sometimes i'll speak up and say the thing no one else dares say, and half the room will be like OH MY GOD ME TOO. and in that case it's worth it to have said something - it's ultimately good for everyone, despite temporary discomfort.
4. i've accidentally offended others via implication too. i doubt she meant to imply you were boring. you are not your game, after all.
so i totally agree with you that Fi users need to work on better understanding the interpersonal implications of stating personal truths. no question that Fi is totally self-absorbed sometimes, and blinded by it. what i think that Fe users could try, instead of just not getting butthurt (which is hard, lol), is just to try to understand why the Fi user might have said something seemingly incongruous and harsh. like i've described, your friend was probably uncomfortable herself, plus had a sense of social consciousness where she was concerned that because she wasn't enjoying herself, others weren't either. i think that EW's idea of a private talk is good - a pointed question might be even more effective than a reprimand (sort of like a koan, thwapping the Fi user into realizing what an ass they were being). not taking Fi "truthiness" personally is something that would help, too - if she wanted to say
you were boring, she'd have said you were boring, not the games.