OMG. My wife just made me read this book. Was it wrong of me to lie and say mine was "physical touch"?
Oooooo..... you BRAT!!!!
I'm gonna tell!
I'm sure that must have been annoying. I'm sorry to hear that.
I hope you don't think I'm trying to force people into categories. I'm not. I'm just wondering because I see a pattern...none of the Ti dominants I know have or even like words of affirmation much.
And I dunno about profound but I've found this stuff very useful.
No, you're not, I know.
And I'm being a spot cantankerous.
But then again, the thread was directed at IxTPs, so I figured I might as well be honest. (If it had been a general type thread, I wouldn't have said much.)
I just did not find it that useful at all.
I know for some people, esp if they line up with a particular giving/receiving style, it CAN be helpful.
And as PT says, the styles can still be "learned," and I think it does encourage positively the need to look at one's mate, see what THEY need as well as what THEY can give, and work with it.
I think part of what Jennifer's saying (I might be wrong) is that it's not as simple as saying "this is what I value, so concentrate on that." I love words of affirmation, but not in a gooey way, like, "Gosh, you're so smart and special. Do you know how special you are?"
I wasn't really saying anything like that, but I agree with you -- I really hate the way sometimes people try too hard to do something authentic and make it inauthentic in the process. Uggh.
I can sense forced Words of Affirmation from two miles away, and I want to run and hide.
Basically, you have to make sure the INTP/ISTP doesn't feel like you're doing it because you read it in a book, b/c that feels kind of weird and patronizing. We like to feel like we're unique, even when we're not.
I think with IxTP, you have to remember there's a bullsh*t meter running all the time. If you're not doing something spontaneously, it's going to be pretty obvious... and inauthenticity is a major sin with the type.
The only way you get by with being inauthentic is if I sense you are actually trying to do it out of love, so I'll make an allowance for your intentions... but at the same time it doesn't make me FEEL good.
I like touch, but not all the time. I love it when someone helps me out without my having to ask. I love it when someone spends time with me doing something I like to do, when I know it's not their favorite thing in the world. I think whatever you do, you should do it in the most low-key way possible. Making a big deal kind of negates the whole thing.
Let me think about what matters to me... and maybe I have changed recently and fit a category better, I don't know. It's been some time since I read it, I just had a sour taste in my mouth from it in the past.
I feel loved when people notice me and think I'm worth noticing.
I feel loved when people do, say, or offer something that shows they understand (1) who I am and (2) what I really need and (3) care enough to engage.
I feel loved when I don't ask for help or protection or encouragement and someone notices I need it (because they are empathizing with me) and they go out of their way to step in without me even hinting I'd like it and just take the load off my back. (wow.)
I feel loved when I get letters out of the blue, where someone shares about their thoughts or meaningful experiences in their lives.
Where does that fit?