you're nuts. you are a fucking wack job

[AzulEyes]

I have been praying for a stick a fork in me moment of clarity. I always think I have it and then I cave. It's been like a two steps forward one step back sort of feeling.

But after everything I have done and tried and compassion and tail between my legs and nice and rational and logical and loving and respectful and normal...

and all you are is a bona fide fucking wack job.

I seriously am DONE.

You are an empty shell of a human walking this earth.

You are spiritually bancrupt.

You are emotionall damaged beyond repair and bancrupt.

You have no respect for other humans. You have no capacity to feel empathy for another human being. You even said it yourself.

You are seriously, seriously mentally ill.

I just don't have TIME for this any more. I do not have time.

I am a horrible person. I defied the one man that loved me in my life.

I don't want to hurt him but letting him know the gory details. I cannot. He doesn't deserve that pain.

It's between me and Allah.

Asking forgiveness every second of every moment of the remainder of my life is what I will strive to do.

Dear ALlah- astagfirullah! Please have mercy on my soul. For my transgressions and sins. PLEASE don't allow me to ever sin like again. I don't want to. Please bring the passion back into my marriage so I can focus on this man for the rest of our lives. I love him. He has made me a mother and the woman that I am today.

Please give peace and englightement to kafir. And allow me to let him go.

Please. I know we cannot beg- but this has taken up years of my life now. And taken me away from the path.

I NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER, ALLAH. PLEASE DO NOT ABANDON ME. PLEASE SURROUND ME BE BELIEVERS.

I LOVE YOU ALLAH. I NEED YOU.

AMeen