This happened awhile ago as I'm intentionally not in active contact with any of these people (except for C and G). Currently, I don't want to be romantically or platontically involved with anyone to be mentioned. However, I have unresolved feelings about the situation. There are several lessons, which I feel I haven't really learned. So here, it goes.
For a sometime, I was socially involved with a group on a near daily basis. Life events happened, and I wasn't going to be around much longer. We had a gathering at a bar, which wasn't unusual. It came accented with melancholy from upcoming the change. There was a girl (A), which at one point I had slight-feelings but didn't pursue because of the context (don't shit where you eat). After our first round, I went up to get another drink. She runs up, jumps, lands near me, and bumps her hip on mine. I'm not the first to say such a phrase, but that was adorable. But it also caught me off guard, so I dropped out a smile. Then we looked over the menu. Still waiting to order, she made a bet to guess some personal info. She actually got it right. We sat back. Later and several more drinks in and, out of nowhere she said, "I don't know how. But, you're the only one who pushes my buttons who I don't hate." (If there's anything to reply, explain this statement.) At the time, I'm thinking. "Geez. Okay. Thanks for confessing I'm tolerable?" I responded with some kind of comparison to my sister. Which was essentially how I treated her as my feelings were non-existent. She looked down, and I think muttered "That's not what I meant." And the wider conversation shifted on to something else. At some point, I mentioned that I avoided everyone (including her) at a workout spot for alone time. Things started winding down. Everyone left due to other obligation.
Sober, the next day she brought up that I avoided her at the spot. She didn't seem to believe me at first, and asked related questions. It often annoyed me that she questioned my honesty more than my peers. I passed questions. Then I reminded her that I actually need alone time. As a fellow introvert, I thought she'd understand. She told me her schedule at the place. I'm certain it still hurt her feelings. So, I opened up about an unrelated issue to show that I actually have human feelings -- even if you can't see it in my facial expressions. (She and others in the group often said that they usually couldn't see what I was feeling.)
<Some background>
Ignore my type for a moment as I'm not a complete dolt. I can pick up the signs of a crush versus signs of being just nice. I know it's contextual and a combination of many things. I'm careful not to misread. There's arm brushing. Excessive smiles (with the eyes). Higher pitched voice. Arm/hand touching. Hair touching/flipping. Being in my line of sight or generally 'around.' Excessive generosity. Prolonged eye contact. Quick glance at me while laughing. Subtle compliments. Playful banter. Polarizing talking points. Soft punches. Physical comments. Vulnerable topics. Yelling/screaming across the room. Foot pointing. Opened arms. And laughing at my jokes (which -- to be completely frank -- doesn't mean much because I'm widely considered to be funny.)
The girl (A - INFP) showed some of these over a course of a year. However, she virtually never initiated eye contact, raised her pitched, preened, or positioned her body towards me. And she didn't initiate much interaction (10%/90%) either. And if we passed by each other, she'd look at me with slightly raised eyebrows in fear. She felt comfortable touching me though: hands, arms, head, sitting on me (non-sexually), placing feet on my chair. Yet, one thing that she'd frequently do was to set up 'traps' in conversation. See, I'm kind of competitive. So I'd try to outwit them, then let her know that I did. The over-top, faux arrogance definitely flustered her as much as it amused me. Occasionally, she'd 'get one' me. And she really seemed to enjoy watching others 'get one' on me as well. It's an aggressive form of flirting, so it was fun for me. Our flavor of banter went further than the normal, bro-hazing-banter. It's the main thing I miss. Aside from that, we really didn't communicate well at all. And I expressed that settlement often. She agreed. Though it felt as if she wanted to be misunderstood at times. (Why? To be unique? I don't know.) The tension caused in was exhausting at times.
I think it's important to note there was another girl (B - ENFP) usually around, who clearly had feelings for me. And we got along very well socially and intellectually. So much so that was a rumor we're hooking up regularly. It was false, but it didn't stop girl (A) from also spreading it. (Ironically, we (B) drunkenly hooked up about year later after the rumor died. Sober, we agreed that we were incompatible for long-term and stayed friends. We had different values and long-goals.)
</Some background>
About a week later at another bar and incredibly drunk, I made a pass with a touch, and she seemed okay with it at first then scurried away across the room. I assumed that was a rejection and didn't chase. Later that night, she offered to charge my dead phone. I gave it. In retrospect, there was no reason too. Then for the majority of the night, she exceptionally mean. Everyone left the bar. Most people went home, but we with a few other people went to eat. I sat down first. And she sat next to me to avoid someone else (E - ?NT?). Without realizing, she started eating my food. Before departing, we hugged, and she called me "trustworthy." Okay. Whatever then. Unbeknownst to me, her DDD slipped me back my phone before leaving. The next morning, she texted if I had my phone, and if anything happened because she blacked out at the bar. I responded, "I have the phone. Nothing happened. But you stole my food. And you cursed at me when I called you out after the 3rd time." Her, "I'm such an asshole." I could only laugh because I vomited everything and the last drink once home. (That was gross.)
She texted about my personal info. We talked for a bit.
A week later at another party, I was talking to her female cousin. When this girl (A) finally noticed, she kept glancing over and loitered around in the back for a bit. Suddenly, she interrupted our conversation by rubbing my hair, diverting topic to something very personal to me, then slowly leaving. Total power move. And there was certainly no way to revert the rest of that conversation, so I kept my cool and let it its course. Later into the night, I was in another conversation with her sister and a friend. We separated from the rest of the party. She found us, and asked me to rejoined. (Note that girl (B) was there too, but she was preoccupied with her friend.) I talked to many people there and became progressively drunk. People huddled around a fire, and her leg shook from anxiety. I hugged her to stop the shaking. I intended it to be platonic, but I immediately fell asleep on her shoulder from sleep depreviation. She stopped shaking, and I woke up with her leaning on me. Two of her orbiters were sitting across the fire staring at me. Conversations were dying, and people started leaving. Hugged good night.
Few weeks later, I picked something up which I left with her. Facially, she was guarded, and the interaction was brief. For some reason, she told several, mutual (C,B,D,E,G,...) friends we met. Huh?
I invited her and other friends (C,B,D,E,G,F...) many weeks before to something but with no response from her. Her best mutual friend (G - INTx) goes. I suspended contact with the overall group due to other life events. We texted a couple months later over an unrelated topic, and she made an out-of-place dig for not being good with subtle hints. I'm exasperated.
A week or two later at another gathering for a mutual friend (C - ENFJ (confirmed)), she (A) arrived. I avoided her because I felt somewhat embarrassed from the texts. She reluctantly approached, and we small-talked. She was still on guard. So I went elsewhere. We talked again -- still on guard. She seemed to grow especially bitter towards me throughout the night. During a card game, she looks down and murmurs with a smile, "I want you to be mad." I was having a blast, so I shrugged it off. Later, I was talking to a mutual friend (D - ENTJ (confirmed)) and her girlfriend. We gave each other many compliments. She was sitting nearby and didn't like that. I could overheard talking with her best mutual (G) female friend about her making out with a random girl at a recent party. Then girl (A) ranted about how could she be single when some guy (totally unrelated) wasn't. Her self-righteous, behavior was off-putting to hear. A mutual friend (F - ISFJ) vomited on himself, so we (A and C) cleaned up after him. There was no aggression. She left early without saying bye, and in the process of leaving was embarrassed by a bully (E).
A month later at an event for girl (B), girl (A) was there. Because of the occasion, I mostly talked with girl (B) and another friend. On the way the restroom, I told girl (A) to stand up for herself when that bully embarrassed her and to tell certain people (aka adults) about what happened. Her, "I don't want to make a big deal." As someone who wasn't bullied ever, it was the wrong move. Again to just her, I explained why. When I came back, all the people nearby her were talking about her bully situation. I could feel her glances. I talked with (D) and her girlfriend for a bit. At the end, I waved good bye in a hurry due to my ride. She looked as if she expected a hug (but didn't want one).
Several months later in a more professional setting, we small-talked. I worked the room for most of the night. For the second time, she left without saying bye. Alright.
Later, she initiated a few messages over social media, but didn't follow my account. Fine, however she follows mutual friends who weren't as close or active online. I communicated more often but sparingly. I know there's bad taste still. Months go by, then I purged my follows/friends including her. Then a year, my accounts. Occasionally, I'll hear from (C) about her getting bullied (E and another).
Recently, I was with a friend (INTP) talking shop at a local bar. Then she (or a dopplegagger) walks in on a date, which a guy who vaguely looked like me (clothes, hair, style). I didn't really notice much at first. We're in a major city, and she lives far away. It's easier to rationalize for the against odds away. However, she sat right across facing sideways. The mannerisms, unusual face quirks, clothing style were undeniable. I'm at least 80% sure. Towards the end of their outing, I felt a couple glances. Then the hand went up. I think she recognized me. Her hand up to cover the near side of her face and kept it there. When she left, she did so spinning around awkwardly without ever facing me. Don't think the guy knew what was happening. I was amused and rattled about the situation without any context. Of the hundreds (or thousands) of bars, she knew I lived somewhere nearby that one. No one wanted this. LOL.
I apologize if it reads excessively disjointed.
For a sometime, I was socially involved with a group on a near daily basis. Life events happened, and I wasn't going to be around much longer. We had a gathering at a bar, which wasn't unusual. It came accented with melancholy from upcoming the change. There was a girl (A), which at one point I had slight-feelings but didn't pursue because of the context (don't shit where you eat). After our first round, I went up to get another drink. She runs up, jumps, lands near me, and bumps her hip on mine. I'm not the first to say such a phrase, but that was adorable. But it also caught me off guard, so I dropped out a smile. Then we looked over the menu. Still waiting to order, she made a bet to guess some personal info. She actually got it right. We sat back. Later and several more drinks in and, out of nowhere she said, "I don't know how. But, you're the only one who pushes my buttons who I don't hate." (If there's anything to reply, explain this statement.) At the time, I'm thinking. "Geez. Okay. Thanks for confessing I'm tolerable?" I responded with some kind of comparison to my sister. Which was essentially how I treated her as my feelings were non-existent. She looked down, and I think muttered "That's not what I meant." And the wider conversation shifted on to something else. At some point, I mentioned that I avoided everyone (including her) at a workout spot for alone time. Things started winding down. Everyone left due to other obligation.
Sober, the next day she brought up that I avoided her at the spot. She didn't seem to believe me at first, and asked related questions. It often annoyed me that she questioned my honesty more than my peers. I passed questions. Then I reminded her that I actually need alone time. As a fellow introvert, I thought she'd understand. She told me her schedule at the place. I'm certain it still hurt her feelings. So, I opened up about an unrelated issue to show that I actually have human feelings -- even if you can't see it in my facial expressions. (She and others in the group often said that they usually couldn't see what I was feeling.)
<Some background>
Ignore my type for a moment as I'm not a complete dolt. I can pick up the signs of a crush versus signs of being just nice. I know it's contextual and a combination of many things. I'm careful not to misread. There's arm brushing. Excessive smiles (with the eyes). Higher pitched voice. Arm/hand touching. Hair touching/flipping. Being in my line of sight or generally 'around.' Excessive generosity. Prolonged eye contact. Quick glance at me while laughing. Subtle compliments. Playful banter. Polarizing talking points. Soft punches. Physical comments. Vulnerable topics. Yelling/screaming across the room. Foot pointing. Opened arms. And laughing at my jokes (which -- to be completely frank -- doesn't mean much because I'm widely considered to be funny.)
The girl (A - INFP) showed some of these over a course of a year. However, she virtually never initiated eye contact, raised her pitched, preened, or positioned her body towards me. And she didn't initiate much interaction (10%/90%) either. And if we passed by each other, she'd look at me with slightly raised eyebrows in fear. She felt comfortable touching me though: hands, arms, head, sitting on me (non-sexually), placing feet on my chair. Yet, one thing that she'd frequently do was to set up 'traps' in conversation. See, I'm kind of competitive. So I'd try to outwit them, then let her know that I did. The over-top, faux arrogance definitely flustered her as much as it amused me. Occasionally, she'd 'get one' me. And she really seemed to enjoy watching others 'get one' on me as well. It's an aggressive form of flirting, so it was fun for me. Our flavor of banter went further than the normal, bro-hazing-banter. It's the main thing I miss. Aside from that, we really didn't communicate well at all. And I expressed that settlement often. She agreed. Though it felt as if she wanted to be misunderstood at times. (Why? To be unique? I don't know.) The tension caused in was exhausting at times.
I think it's important to note there was another girl (B - ENFP) usually around, who clearly had feelings for me. And we got along very well socially and intellectually. So much so that was a rumor we're hooking up regularly. It was false, but it didn't stop girl (A) from also spreading it. (Ironically, we (B) drunkenly hooked up about year later after the rumor died. Sober, we agreed that we were incompatible for long-term and stayed friends. We had different values and long-goals.)
</Some background>
About a week later at another bar and incredibly drunk, I made a pass with a touch, and she seemed okay with it at first then scurried away across the room. I assumed that was a rejection and didn't chase. Later that night, she offered to charge my dead phone. I gave it. In retrospect, there was no reason too. Then for the majority of the night, she exceptionally mean. Everyone left the bar. Most people went home, but we with a few other people went to eat. I sat down first. And she sat next to me to avoid someone else (E - ?NT?). Without realizing, she started eating my food. Before departing, we hugged, and she called me "trustworthy." Okay. Whatever then. Unbeknownst to me, her DDD slipped me back my phone before leaving. The next morning, she texted if I had my phone, and if anything happened because she blacked out at the bar. I responded, "I have the phone. Nothing happened. But you stole my food. And you cursed at me when I called you out after the 3rd time." Her, "I'm such an asshole." I could only laugh because I vomited everything and the last drink once home. (That was gross.)
She texted about my personal info. We talked for a bit.
A week later at another party, I was talking to her female cousin. When this girl (A) finally noticed, she kept glancing over and loitered around in the back for a bit. Suddenly, she interrupted our conversation by rubbing my hair, diverting topic to something very personal to me, then slowly leaving. Total power move. And there was certainly no way to revert the rest of that conversation, so I kept my cool and let it its course. Later into the night, I was in another conversation with her sister and a friend. We separated from the rest of the party. She found us, and asked me to rejoined. (Note that girl (B) was there too, but she was preoccupied with her friend.) I talked to many people there and became progressively drunk. People huddled around a fire, and her leg shook from anxiety. I hugged her to stop the shaking. I intended it to be platonic, but I immediately fell asleep on her shoulder from sleep depreviation. She stopped shaking, and I woke up with her leaning on me. Two of her orbiters were sitting across the fire staring at me. Conversations were dying, and people started leaving. Hugged good night.
Few weeks later, I picked something up which I left with her. Facially, she was guarded, and the interaction was brief. For some reason, she told several, mutual (C,B,D,E,G,...) friends we met. Huh?
I invited her and other friends (C,B,D,E,G,F...) many weeks before to something but with no response from her. Her best mutual friend (G - INTx) goes. I suspended contact with the overall group due to other life events. We texted a couple months later over an unrelated topic, and she made an out-of-place dig for not being good with subtle hints. I'm exasperated.
A week or two later at another gathering for a mutual friend (C - ENFJ (confirmed)), she (A) arrived. I avoided her because I felt somewhat embarrassed from the texts. She reluctantly approached, and we small-talked. She was still on guard. So I went elsewhere. We talked again -- still on guard. She seemed to grow especially bitter towards me throughout the night. During a card game, she looks down and murmurs with a smile, "I want you to be mad." I was having a blast, so I shrugged it off. Later, I was talking to a mutual friend (D - ENTJ (confirmed)) and her girlfriend. We gave each other many compliments. She was sitting nearby and didn't like that. I could overheard talking with her best mutual (G) female friend about her making out with a random girl at a recent party. Then girl (A) ranted about how could she be single when some guy (totally unrelated) wasn't. Her self-righteous, behavior was off-putting to hear. A mutual friend (F - ISFJ) vomited on himself, so we (A and C) cleaned up after him. There was no aggression. She left early without saying bye, and in the process of leaving was embarrassed by a bully (E).
A month later at an event for girl (B), girl (A) was there. Because of the occasion, I mostly talked with girl (B) and another friend. On the way the restroom, I told girl (A) to stand up for herself when that bully embarrassed her and to tell certain people (aka adults) about what happened. Her, "I don't want to make a big deal." As someone who wasn't bullied ever, it was the wrong move. Again to just her, I explained why. When I came back, all the people nearby her were talking about her bully situation. I could feel her glances. I talked with (D) and her girlfriend for a bit. At the end, I waved good bye in a hurry due to my ride. She looked as if she expected a hug (but didn't want one).
Several months later in a more professional setting, we small-talked. I worked the room for most of the night. For the second time, she left without saying bye. Alright.
Later, she initiated a few messages over social media, but didn't follow my account. Fine, however she follows mutual friends who weren't as close or active online. I communicated more often but sparingly. I know there's bad taste still. Months go by, then I purged my follows/friends including her. Then a year, my accounts. Occasionally, I'll hear from (C) about her getting bullied (E and another).
Recently, I was with a friend (INTP) talking shop at a local bar. Then she (or a dopplegagger) walks in on a date, which a guy who vaguely looked like me (clothes, hair, style). I didn't really notice much at first. We're in a major city, and she lives far away. It's easier to rationalize for the against odds away. However, she sat right across facing sideways. The mannerisms, unusual face quirks, clothing style were undeniable. I'm at least 80% sure. Towards the end of their outing, I felt a couple glances. Then the hand went up. I think she recognized me. Her hand up to cover the near side of her face and kept it there. When she left, she did so spinning around awkwardly without ever facing me. Don't think the guy knew what was happening. I was amused and rattled about the situation without any context. Of the hundreds (or thousands) of bars, she knew I lived somewhere nearby that one. No one wanted this. LOL.
I apologize if it reads excessively disjointed.
