Why We Think We Can See Through Others

[Qlip]

This is one of those subjects where MBTI can be helpful. While it isn't helpful in understanding people when you pigeonhole them into type boxes, it is very helpful to understand that people think in different ways. I find the biggest illusion that people suffer from is the fallacy other people essentially think/evaluate things the same way as they do, they have different goals, maybe no goals, different values and different approaches. Recognizing difference is a step in understanding that there may always be an empathetic gulf between people, which allows for more accurate understandings of others.

 

[gromit]

This is one of those subjects where MBTI can be helpful. While it isn't helpful in understanding people when you pigeonhole them into type boxes, it is very helpful to understand that people think in different ways. I find the biggest illusion that people suffer from is the fallacy other people essentially think/evaluate things the same way as they do, they have different goals, maybe no goals, different values and different approaches. Recognizing difference is a step in understanding that there may always be an empathetic gulf between people, which allows for more accurate understandings of others.

Yes completely. I always feel like other people are kind of a mystery. Like what? you like that? or what? you just did that?

 

[Starry]

I consider myself an amazing judge of character and worked with an actual serial killer that I thought was the nicest guy.

 

[OrangeAppled]

It's not about believing you have a gift for reading people. Nothing like that was stated in the OP. It's the set of implicit, experience-based assumptions everybody brings to their observations and judgments of others.

Recently I saw it explained this way: in a given day any number of people pass us on the streets, in the halls, everywhere we go. And chances are at least some of them are murderers.

But people feel confident with these assumptions because they think they are a reliable way to read others well, so all it takes for the dangerous deviants is to mimic social conventions well enough for no one to suspect anything. The people who are "seen through" often fail to meet social norms in more obvious ways. And the way they "fail" can become a new model for detecting ill intent in others (ie a loner in a trench coat is suspicious!).

I have had several male INxP friends who get followed by security a lot because they look "suspicious". They are just Fe-tarded. They are incredibly harmless and probably far more principled than most people.

Maybe it is not even mimicking for some people, but that these social conventions tell us little about who people really are, although these conventions seem to aim to reveal intentions (friendly, hostile, etc).

A fair amount of murder is probably a crime of passion or desperation, not cold calculation. The capability of it is not really at odds with being a fairly "normal" person. I think this is why people want to pin crime on the obviously eccentric people, because they can't reconcile themselves to the idea that "regular" people are capable of atrocities.

 

[Starry]

But people feel confident with these assumptions because they think they are a reliable way to read others well, so all it takes for the dangerous deviants is to mimic social conventions well enough for no one to suspect anything. The people who are "seen through" often fail to meet social norms in more obvious ways. And the way they "fail" can become a new model for detecting ill intent in others (ie a loner in a trench coat is suspicious!).

I have had several male INxP friends who get followed by security a lot because they look "suspicious". They are just Fe-tarded. They are incredibly harmless and probably far more principled than most people.

Maybe it is not even mimicking for some people, but that these social conventions tell us little about who people really are, although these conventions seem to aim to reveal intentions (friendly, hostile, etc).

A fair amount of murder is probably a crime of passion or desperation, not cold calculation. The capability of it is not really at odds with being a fairly "normal" person. I think this is why people want to pin crime on the obviously eccentric people, because they can't reconcile themselves to the idea that "regular" people are capable of atrocities.

Yah this is good. This is what I would say if I had an attention span

 

[Luke O]

Nah, I'm such an enigma.

 

[ceecee]

I saw how things don't add up when so many complain of being misunderstood, projected onto, etc, but then so many claim they read people well. If we all read each other so well, then there wouldn't be nearly as much misunderstanding going on.

For all the people that go around saying - I read people so well, I know exactly what they're thinking, I can tailor what I say for any person - stop. Just stop. It makes you sound like a pretentious asshole. Oh you don't like being called a pretentious asshole? See where I'm going with this?

Everyone hates being projected upon and how often do we end up being wrong about first impressions? Often enough. And everyone has confirmation bias, at least to some degree. Knowing that makes you able to at least try to overcome first impressions, use the rule of three and so on.

And I like proving myself wrong. I often say, when things keep repeating themselves (such as with our latest bombing suspect), stop proving me right! Disprove my hypotheses. Please. I bring a lot of experience based assumptions to the table. But I also know that a person at 20 is not the same person at 40. That's part of being open to less bias and taking advantage of the knowledge that comes with age.

 

[Mole]

The Biggest Animal

One of the reasons we have such huge brains is because we can share our thoughts and feelings with others. This requires huge calculations.

And because we can share our thoughts and feelings, we can act as one. So we can act as one huge animal.

And because we can know what each other is thinking and feeling, we can act as one huge animal, and so homo sapiens is the biggest animal on the planet.

 

[anticlimatic]

This explains a lot of bizarre accusations thrown my way throughout the years.

 

[Tellenbach]

I correctly read Bill Clinton and Glenn Beck. I can't tell you how I arrived at the conclusion but there was something about their faces that just screamed "charlatan, fraud, liar". It took a couple years for Beck's inner imp to come out but I do think my initial assessment was on target.

 

[Mal12345]

But people feel confident with these assumptions because they think they are a reliable way to read others well, so all it takes for the dangerous deviants is to mimic social conventions well enough for no one to suspect anything. The people who are "seen through" often fail to meet social norms in more obvious ways. And the way they "fail" can become a new model for detecting ill intent in others (ie a loner in a trench coat is suspicious!).

I have had several male INxP friends who get followed by security a lot because they look "suspicious". They are just Fe-tarded. They are incredibly harmless and probably far more principled than most people.

Maybe it is not even mimicking for some people, but that these social conventions tell us little about who people really are, although these conventions seem to aim to reveal intentions (friendly, hostile, etc).

A fair amount of murder is probably a crime of passion or desperation, not cold calculation. The capability of it is not really at odds with being a fairly "normal" person. I think this is why people want to pin crime on the obviously eccentric people, because they can't reconcile themselves to the idea that "regular" people are capable of atrocities.

If they look suspicious it's probably the way they dress, piercings, gauges...

 

[OrangeAppled]

If they look suspicious it's probably the way they dress, piercings, gauges...

They certainly commit fashion crimes, but they don't appear a part of a counterculture. It is more in their body language, facial expressions,etc.

 

[Poki]

I totally stole this from Cracked.com 5 Ways Your Brain Is Turning You into a Jerk | Cracked.com

#4. Illusion of Asymmetric Insight: We Think We Know People Better Than They Know Us​

By Pauli Poisuo January 22, 2014 592,660 views

Have you ever met a person you could just instantly see through? Someone whose social persona is so obvious, you can practically peek behind the curtain to see the real wizard masturbating to his secret stash of witch porn? Sure you have. Everyone has. Hell, just the other day I met a dude who was so blatantly obvious, I could have whipped out a laptop and written his biography before he was finished droning on about my "right to remain silent" and "where are your pants?" In fact, when we get right down to it, aren't most people pretty transparent?

No. They're not, and frankly, I'm a bit of a dick for insinuating that they are. I'm about to get mine, though: Pretty much everyone I've ever met is probably thinking the exact same thing about me. Every. Single. One of them.

"You know that awful thing you did? So do we."​

Most people have this strange built-in tendency to automatically assume we're hot shit when it comes to "getting" other people. This cranial kink is known as illusion of asymmetric insight, and it causes us to genuinely think that we can see through everyone's facade and gaze directly into their innermost self. Meanwhile, we refuse to consider that they might think they can see through us in the same fashion. Which they totally do.

It's a case of everyone thinking they're Professor Xavier, but it turns out we're a lot closer to Matter-Eater Lad.

That matter being your own bullshit.​

The illusion of asymmetric insight is a flaw in our perception caused by the fact that we can't observe ourselves in the same way we observe others. Our brain gleefully uses this crack in our defenses to trick us into assuming that we wield supernatural powers of human understanding.

And then it turns out that the affable dude from next door has been committing unspeakable crimes for all these years, and no one in the community ever noticed jack shit.

"He always seemed like such a nice guy."​

I have been told i am pretty good at this actually

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Here is an idea to gauge the extent to which we do this individually:

If someone actually tells you that you are wrong about the assumption you have of them, do you listen and consider you could be wrong, or do you dismiss them and say, "no, I'm right, and you are wrong about yourself"? If you do the latter, then that is a strong indication of closed-minded, incorrect reading of other people.

Honestly, I've been guilty of jumping to conclusions about people and was worse when I was younger. It is because I put a lot of time and effort into understanding people. That effort sometimes results in skill, but the times that effort has been directed down the wrong path, the times I've worked building faulty inner constructs, are the times I've been possibly more wrong than when I jump to a thoughtless conclusion. I have to also push past confirmation bias, because that is part of the experience of drawing a solid conclusion.

If I could actually be a person with all of the traits people have verbally judged me as having, I'd have multiple personalities. There is an absurdity about judging other people quickly, and I'm sorry for the times I've done it to people. I think it is best to always stop short of the final conclusion. Have a theory, even a hypothesis, have two or more, but realize the information is ongoing, so there is no final word on it.

 

[Bush]

Believing that we can see through others also gives us a sense of power and control over other people. We tend to like that sort of thing, even if on a very deep level.

 

[Mal12345]

I have been told i am pretty good at this actually

Then are you like Bruce Willis in the movie Unbreakable, in which he could spot the one criminal in a crowd of people?

 

[Poki]

Then are you like Bruce Willis in the movie Unbreakable, in which he could spot the one criminal in a crowd of people?

Something like that...its all in the little nuances. Your not looking for who a person IS, but who the person can be. Who a person is will reveal themselves and in the process of whatching for the little nuances. Combine that with fairly accurate patterns and it becomes obvious. Pattern recognition tied to sensory observation. Judgement is not at the person, but at the matches you are creating. It keeps your perception from steering what you see by what you believe and think.

 

[entropie]

There are others ?

 

[Litsnob]

Hmm...yes. Re: the OP, I've definitely experienced the essence of what this thread is getting at. That said, I don't think most people that I know think that they "get people", heck a lot of them don't even think about the concept of understanding others at all. The most rampant manifestation of the topic at hand that I've witnessed, could look a lot like "people thinking they see through people", but I really think it's most often "people assuming that everyone is just like them".

I very rarely have anyone claim that they "totally get me", or that they've "figured me out". More often assumptions are made that I function the same way that they do. For instance, my Mother very, very often assumes that there are hidden meanings in things that I intend to be very simple and direct statements-- this is because she expects others to read into statements she makes, to discern what she "really means". She assumes that I communicate the same way, even after hundreds of times that I've explained that to me, "I'm okay with that" really means just that.

There is, of course, stereotyping and snap-judgement style assumption-- that's more the style of most people's "understanding". I guess I just see that as a very shallow thought process, not one that really has an explanation for the conclusions reached. "They are a dumb blonde because they obviously are", instead of really reading the emotional cues and behaviors of a person.

As far as anyone thinking they have a unique gift for reading people, we must acknowledge that:
1) There are a small percentage of people who actually do have such a gift, but mass majority of people who believe that they do probably don't (as with most things).
2) If someone does have a gift for reading people, they have probably received confirmation of this from others, not merely their own suspicions.
3) Whatever our perception (or lack there of) in regards to the inner workings of others, it is always best to assume that we don't have the whole picture.

Yup, this.

 

[Lark]

Disappointing, I thought this thread would be about x-ray vision.