[NF] Why NFs pity themselves so much ?

[Athenian200]

You said you didn't like INFPs. You said some of the stuff they do is "creepy." You know, I have to say that strikes me as more than a mite bigoted. You can't just say that every INFP is creepy or you don't like them. That's ridiculous. That's like saying "I don't like French people" as though they're exactly alike.

I'm sorry, I've had a lot of negative experiences with INFPs, and I guess it's made me kind of bigoted. I probably should have tried to work though that before getting into a serious discussion.

The way you went about it was more "I don't have faults like these people do. " You were trying to make NFPs the "other" that you were above, so he would relate to you.

Well... yeah, now that I think about it, yes. That was what I wanted. It's so bad to want someone to relate to me?

If you were directing your prejudiced comments about NFPs only at Antisocial one, then maybe you should have sent him a private message instead of posting derogatory, opinionated comments that every NFP can also read if you didn't want a reaction.

I guess I should have, but I just wasn't thinking about that... I somehow ended up only focusing on influencing AO without thinking about how other people might be seeing me.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I was mostly doing it in order to keep him from lumping NFJs in with NFPs, because I don't want NTs to look down on me, think I'm exactly like the NFPs (since they're pretty much the NF archetype), and thus attribute negative qualities to me that I don't have.

Nothing wrong with the NF archetype. Don't allow NT-biased sentiments on this forum to make you feel less of yourself. NTs are not the almighty gods upon high whose behavior we should all aspire to.

 

[Virtual ghost]

You said you didn't like INFPs. You said some of the stuff they do is "creepy." You know, I have to say that strikes me as more than a mite bigoted. You can't just say that every INFP is creepy or you don't like them. That's ridiculous. That's like saying "I don't like French people" as though they're exactly alike.

"and attribute negative qualities to me that I don't have"

You were so busy pointing out what your faults aren't, you forgot to mention what flaws that INFJs do have because they can be just as unhealthy or immature in their own ways. Or the positive traits that NFPs have in contrast to their unhealthy or immature side. The way you went about it was more "I don't have faults like these people do. " You were trying to make NFPs the "other" that you were above, so he would relate to you.

If you were directing your prejudiced comments about NFPs only at Antisocial one, then maybe you should have sent him a private message instead of posting derogatory, opinionated comments that every NFP can also read if you didn't want a reaction.

"Are you really going to fault me for that?"

YES.

Don't you think that you are taking this a way too serious ?
Ok, he said something you don't like. But why do you presume that it was directed at you?

It was said that INFPs are creepy. Big deal.

 

[Thalassa]

But you were thinking about how people were seeing you. You were worried so much with NTs looking down on you that you made the NFPs your scapegoat. Would you like me to play your game? I can say "How very INFJ of you to care so much about someone you perceive as superior looking down on you." I don't like to do that, though, because I don't look down on NFJs the way you look down on NFPs. I like several NFJs in my life. I also don't look up to NTs. Maybe that proves just how NFP I actually am.

"It's so bad to want someone to relate to me?"

Not at all. That is something that NFs share. But that's the very thing that AO seemed to be attacking: the NF need to relate to others.

 

[Athenian200]

Nothing wrong with the NF archetype. Don't allow NT-biased sentiments on this forum to make you feel less of yourself. NTs are not the almighty gods upon high whose behavior we should all aspire to.

Well, there isn't anything wrong with it. But the problem is that it tends to show the INFP perspective more than INFJ perspective. While I do relate to part of it, it's very tempting to distance myself from the Fi-oriented stuff (which is sometimes a little too much for me anyway), especially when doing so makes NTs think better of me and creates common ground between us. Although I guess it would be better to find a way of doing that that doesn't come at someone else's expense...

 

[heart]

Well, there isn't anything wrong with it. But the problem is that it tends to show the INFP perspective more than INFJ perspective.

That's funny, I tend to disagree with the NF archetype because it is too Fe orientated.

While I do relate to part of it, it's very tempting to distance myself from the Fi-oriented stuff (which is sometimes a little too much for me anyway), especially when doing so makes NTs think better of me and creates common ground between us.

If you've really got something in common with the NT, it will come through your postings and they will embrace you as cousin, NF archetype notwithstanding.

 

[Thalassa]

Don't you think that you are taking this a way too serious ?
Ok, he said something you don't like. But why do you presume that it was directed at you?

It was said that INFPs are creepy. Big deal.

I didn't presume it was directed at me, I presumed it was directed at US. I don't like the stereotyping of an entire group, unless it's done jokingly or with a light touch.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Well, there isn't anything wrong with it. But the problem is that it tends to show the INFP perspective more than INFJ perspective. While I do relate to part of it, it's very tempting to distance myself from the Fi-oriented stuff (which is sometimes a little too much for me anyway), especially when doing so makes NTs think better of me and creates common ground between us. Although I guess it would be better to find a way of doing that that doesn't come at someone else's expense...

Why do wish so much for NTs to look favorably upon you?

And yes, there are aspects of the NF archetype that I do not relate to as much. But I realize that the descriptions have to be general enough to be applicable to four different types and would think others would realize this as well.

 

[Athenian200]

But you were thinking about how people were seeing you. You were worried so much with NTs looking down on you that you made the NFPs your scapegoat. Would you like me to play your game? I can say "How very INFJ of you to care so much about someone you perceive as superior looking down on you." I don't like to do that, though, because I don't look down on NFJs the way you look down on NFPs. I like several NFJs in my life. I also don't look up to NTs. Maybe that proves just how NFP I actually am.

I know, it wasn't a good idea. And if you had said that line about INFJs, you would have been right (at least in my case). I'm sorry about the scapegoat thing.

"It's so bad to want someone to relate to me?"

Not at all. That is something that NFs share. But that's the very thing that AO seemed to be attacking: the NF need to relate to others.

He was? I thought he was only attacking people who believe their emotions are reality and wallow in self-pity all the time, refusing to do anything to improve themselves. I do believe in the need to relate to others. I'm glad you understood why I felt that.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I didn't presume it was directed at me, I presumed it was directed at US. I don't like the stereotyping of an entire group, unless it's done jokingly or with a light touch.

Ok.

But why so much tension over it ?
Do you idenfify with the type so strongly?


Also it is unresonable to think that everybody will like you. (at least to me)

 

[Glycerine]

I didn't presume it was directed at me, I presumed it was directed at US. I don't like the stereotyping of an entire group, unless it's done jokingly or with a light touch.

The irony is that you made an generalization in your previous post implying INFPs "are supposed to be more open-minded than INFJs". So you guys both engaged in the error of making a generalization. Everyone does it.

 

[Athenian200]

Why do wish so much for NTs to look favorably upon you?

Well, because they tend to be really interesting. They tend to understand and accept ideas/perspectives I have that most people (even other NFs) would dismiss or even look down on me for. Also, I guess sometimes I just look up to them, because they seem so much more capable and confident in many ways.

 

[Thalassa]

Because I'm put off by smugness and arrogance. I don't like people who look down on others excessively at all, whether it's INFPs or ESFPs or Mexicans or the working class. That's just part of my personal values.

I don't expect everyone to like me. But I tend to want to defend what I perceive as being the underdog. And yes probably because I do indentify with the NFP type, too.

 

[Thalassa]

The irony is that you made an generalization in your previous post implying INFPs "are supposed to be more open-minded than INFJs". So you guys both engaged in the error of making a generalization. Everyone does it.

It isn't ironic. I did it intentionally to mirror her original generalization about INFPs. She first said that INFPs tend to want to cling to their own group and not get other types of opinions, and I countered that with what you mentioned in the quote here.

Yes, everyone generalizes. But there's no reason to take it to excess.

I'm starting to lose interest in this thread. Quickly, quickly...ahhh... there it goes!

 

[Virtual ghost]

Just for the record: There is a lot of "NTs are bad" going around.


I hope that you realize that this is a stereotype/generalization as well.

 

[kiddykat]

I am watching the NF forum all the time and there is something that I can't overlook.

What I can't overlook is how many post here are written in the stile : I am depressed, do others like me, I suck at life, why people don't like me and stuff like that.

In NT forum there are similar posts but there is a smaller amount of them and I would dare to say that conversations are more constructive.

Here you just have a emofest of some sort and it is almost like you are making eachother depressed. (and enjoy it)


I am sorry but I really don't understand what you are trying to achive if you have a goal in the first place. Are you just venting ? Or you really need attention of others to talk to you about emotions you have at the moment?

Isn't this in itself whining? Or maybe I got the wrong impression!

 

[heart]

^ Oh my dear Viv, it's *logical* whining! All the difference in the world.

 

[Glycerine]

It isn't ironic. I did it intentionally to mirror her original generalization about INFPs. She first said that INFPs tend to want to cling to their own group and not get other types of opinions, and I countered that with what you mentioned in the quote here.

Yes, everyone generalizes. But there's no reason to take it to excess.

I'm starting to lose interest in this thread. Quickly, quickly...ahhh... there it goes!

Suuure, way to cover your tracks.... Haha i got your point.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Well, because they tend to be really interesting. They tend to understand and accept ideas/perspectives I have that most people (even other NFs) would dismiss or even look down on me for. Also, I guess sometimes I just look up to them, because they seem so much more capable and confident in many ways.

NFs are pretty interesting too, in their own ways. I think the key is being confident in your own abilities and working to better yourself. That may sound trite, but I find it to be extremely true. Allying with NTs while putting down NFs may provide you with a false sense of assurance that you are "better," but it is only just that.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Suuure, way to cover your tracks.

+1

How about we all just stop putting down others in order to make ourselves look better?