Where I'm at, 5.10.13, Part 1

[yoopea]

Part 1:

As best I can tell now, I’m still an INTJ, but with a weird development of my shadow type, ENTP. The first time I noticed my destructive emotional patterns seemed to display an over-development of my Se and Fe (also reading something about shadow functions more present in dreams; my Se seems much stronger in my dream state, as well as possibly Fi, as in life it only points to something that in dreams awakens). I made a list of relevant type notes, quoted from simulatedworld over at Personality Cafe:

Ne:

Ne sees new information as part of a larger, emerging, as of yet unseen pattern that extends far beyond the self, and whose meaning will continue to change as the context grows and we discover more of the all-encompassing pattern. Rather than directly confront an issue, Ne will often broaden the context until the issue seems insignificant by comparison to the much bigger and more expansive ideas it imagines.

Ne wants very badly to be understood and appreciated by others. They want others to put the pieces together and get it.

Ni:

Rather than directly confront an issue, Ni will often solve problems by simply looking at them from a different angle. Doing a bunch of community service sucks? Just think of it as an opportunity to get lots of exercise!

Ni songwriters (e.g. Thom Yorke, INFJ) will often write lyrics that could not possibly make any sense to other people without a direct explanation from the writer, but they don't really care because Ni considers intuition such a personal thing...For another example, Isaac Newton (INTJ) invented calculus and didn't bother telling anyone about it for 20 years. Ne would have been out showing the idea to others and changing it based on their reactions--but not Ni!

Ni always seeks to escape the unconscious assumptions that limit its understanding of as many different conceptual viewpoints as possible.

^ Could be a control thing. I don’t like to imagine there is something wrong in my understanding; like my circumstances control me. I especially want to remove my understanding from roots: parental, historical, or cultural. I don’t want to be stuck by something I can’t see or don't know. When I was a child, I was afraid of the dark. (I was also afraid of being stabbed, but then, I’m a Cancer

Te:

They are typically very good at translating a theoretical idea into a fluid, external process...and always wants to know how this system can be applied to something externally useful or used to accomplish our predetermined goals.

^ These 'predetermined goals,' however, are usually focused on building up weak spots in my own life: whether in my personality, in my skill set, in my knowledge, or my life plans. My point is, these goals are rarely for the sake of an external structure.

Ti:

Ti seeks truth for its own sake; it wants to understand the relationships that force frameworks of information to fit together into cohesive wholes.

Externally measurable application is not nearly as important to Ti as internal structural integrity and logical consistency with itself.
Ti appreciates structural symmetry, balance, and the beauty of symmetrical models that elegantly explain and organize real world phenomena (perceived by Ne or Se) into neatly arranged categories. Ti people are usually very good with pure logic in a vacuum, as Ti simply "knows" inherently what is logical and what is not, and will defend this sense of logic to the death just to prove a point.

Ti: What logical relationships necessitate this system working the way it does, and how can I make them make sense to me?

Ti tries to understand the entire system as one big unit simply because it's interesting and stimulating.

^ Is this where the ability to categorically group things comes from? When I reading about ENFPs, many members shared an ability to categorize their life and express it methodically, identifying groups & patters in the story. For example, before & after certain important events. Or making connections between things that are outside the realm of the current topic. This ability seems to work chronologically: identifying what past thing could have led to the current state, and what things resulted from a past event. Is this an Ni thing? Gah, I’m totally split on my Ni/Ne distinction. Definitely not S-dom though. Is my F/T distinction as clear? Let’s take a look...

Fe:

People with strong Fe are typically good at saying just the right thing that fits in with the moral expectations of the audience. For this reason Fe tends to make great politicians because strong Fe users often make outstanding, charismatic public speakers who can play off the emotions of others to rally groups toward the desired cause. They are excellent at organizing, leading and delegating tasks to others with an interpersonal style that gets the job done while still appearing socially appropriate and respecting the emotional needs of others.

Fi:

...finds Fe's collective approach to morality shallow and fake.

This is SO true. But there might be some reasonable explanations:
1) I’ve always been highly sensitive to the ‘fakeness’ of others & the ‘shallow’ quality of their speech. I have a strong aversion to manipulation, especially when others buy into it. It makes me angry that they cannot realize bullshit when they see it. People are see-through. Is this perceptivity of personality? Or different than that?
2) My mother demanded from me great attention to her own emotional roller coaster. Before I hated to see her strong emotional outbursts & preferred to do nothing to open myself up to them. To do so would be disgusting, and worse than that, dangerous. I find my EQ now is quite high. I think this came from my later interest in the personalities of certain characters (my ex, various musicians, etc), though I suspect my strong attraction to what I feel in them is a projection of my own shadow personality (for it is often present in my dreams, and clearer, stronger).