[MBTI General] When it comes to Love and Dating -- how do you roll?

[CzeCze]

Hello folks! So I've posted the same question to SJ's. And I posted a similar post about 'how to make an ISFP fall in love with me' and well, not only were there not a lot of replies -- that whole venture did NOT WORK OUT. (P.S. when an ISFP tells you 'he's through', he means it! Hahaha...)

Then I realized, when it comes to love, dating, and related "adult things" -- how do other NF's do it?

Just a few questions to get the ball rolling on this. And NF's I KNOW (at least the E's) all love talking about ourselves so don't be shy!

What do you look for in a significant other?
Do they HAVE to be "Mr/Mrs Righ" or will "good enough" do? Do you just sometimes need to be with SOMEONE (anyone?)
Do you have 'friends with benefits' and if so, how do you determine who you'll do this with and how does this relationship play out?
Are you a traditional 1 person at a time monogamous type or do you play the field or have ambiguous relationships or else nontraditional arrangements with people?
How to decide when to step it up from casual dating to something else?
Are you a tease? A flirt? Do you flirt with intent or just for fun?
How do you get out of relationships?
Are you usually calling the shots?
Can you tell when you first meet someone that they are Dating/Long Term/ Fun material?
Do you ask people out or make it clear that you want to be asked out or are you very sly about it or does being asked out catch you off guard?
Even if you two had great chemistry, are there any deal-breakers?

And for relationship questions, this is all assuming that you both are attracted to and like each other of course.

Yes, lots of questions but all pointing to the basic question: How important in dating/love/sex to you and how do you meet your needs? What is your criteria for determing if someone is 'longterm' material and how do you get there?

Thanks in advance! Aside from personal gain I'm very curious to hear all the responses! I'll chime in after others have spilled their guts.

 

[wolfmaiden14]

What do you look for in a significant other?
Hoo boy. Let's see.. physically I like dark hair and someone who's built bigger than I am, and older. I really really prefer extroverts, as I'm big on helping people, but not so sociable myself, so I like being an emotional booster to someone who can then go boost lots of other people! <3 I like someone who can make me laugh, is honest and direct, not terribly insecure(at least secure enough not to pretend to be someone else!) and will give me the freedom to be my un-perfect self just like I will for them. Also someone I can have deep conversations with, and also playful debate/banter. Someone who doesn't think I'm immature for dressing up in cosplay and going to anime/gaming conventions.


Do they HAVE to be "Mr/Mrs Righ" or will "good enough" do? Do you just sometimes need to be with SOMEONE (anyone?)
"Good enough" is fine for me. To me, everyone has their faults and everyone has their strengths, so.. find someone whose weaknesses aren't intolerable to you, whose strengths are the ones you're looking for enough to overshadow their weaknesses, and stick with it, because the only thing that's going to happen with a new person is that those things will shift around. I never date just for the sake of being with someone. To me, that's a waste of time.

Do you have 'friends with benefits' and if so, how do you determine who you'll do this with and how does this relationship play out?
The two times I tried this it actually ended up in a huge complicated triangle and everybody ended up hurt. I vowed not to do that anymore. The only determining factor is trusting them enough to know they wouldn't use my actions or emotions against me/ intentionally hurt me.

Are you a traditional 1 person at a time monogamous type or do you play the field or have ambiguous relationships or else nontraditional arrangements with people?
I'm monogamous. I like someone or I don't. As I said before, I believe in finding someone you like and doing your best to make it work. Though, I suppose there could be a time when I could hang out with different guys I liked on different occasions before letting something more grow with one. Whether that's playing the field or not is up to you.

How to decide when to step it up from casual dating to something else?
I'm usually not actually attracted to people that often, so if someone I've been spending time with is decently responsible, treats me and others with respect and fits a good bit of the qualities I posted in the first question, I give it a shot. As I said, I'm not really a casual dater to begin with.

Are you a tease? A flirt? Do you flirt with intent or just for fun?
I'm a big flirt when I choose to be, and I do it just as a way of making people laugh and being friendly. Unless I actually like someone, then of course it's with the intent of scoping out their reactions to my come-ons/touches. I actually don't do it very often, though, because I don't want to give people the wrong idea.

How do you get out of relationships?
I actually only ended one, and that was after he had broken up with me first and then we got back together. I told him I just didn't feel the same, and it wasn't fair to him.

Are you usually calling the shots?
No, I'm the submissive type.

Can you tell when you first meet someone that they are Dating/Long Term/ Fun material?
The intuition in me usually causes me to be drawn to the people that are going to be important in my life. But I get to know them before I judge just what their purpose is, and I always assume romance last.

Do you ask people out or make it clear that you want to be asked out or are you very sly about it or does being asked out catch you off guard?
I make it pretty clear when I like someone. I'll even be the one to ask them to go places, but still leave it up to them to make the call for officially "asking me out." However, if I don't like someone, but still not totally abhorred to the idea of dating them, I usually act pretty shy and reclusive for fear of leading them on.

Even if you two had great chemistry, are there any deal-breakers?
I can't stand smokers :steam: Plus I have trust issues to begin with, so if I catch you in a lie I don't understand, it's gonna make it hard.

 

[Bethy]

I'll bite:


What do you look for in a significant other?
Before all else, kindness. Intelligence doesn't hurt, either.

Do they HAVE to be "Mr/Mrs Right" or will "good enough" do? Do you just sometimes need to be with SOMEONE (anyone?)
I can't say that I think this way. I can go on about what I like and what I don't like, but the bottom line is that a human being is a human being, and not a laundry list of traits that make him "good enough" or "not good enough."

And I'm perfectly fine with not being in a relationship.

Do you have 'friends with benefits' and if so, how do you determine who you'll do this with and how does this relationship play out?
No.


Are you a traditional 1 person at a time monogamous type or do you play the field or have ambiguous relationships or else nontraditional arrangements with people?
Monogamous.



How to decide when to step it up from casual dating to something else?
This is one of the few areas in life where I just let be, and see where things go.


Are you a tease? A flirt? Do you flirt with intent or just for fun?
Not really. It feels so fake to me.



How do you get out of relationships?
The chicken way - I stop calling.


Are you usually calling the shots?
Sometimes.



Can you tell when you first meet someone that they are Dating/Long Term/ Fun material?
Not at the first meeting. It takes a bit longer.


Do you ask people out or make it clear that you want to be asked out or are you very sly about it or does being asked out catch you off guard?
Something in between. I'm not usually caught off-guard.


Even if you two had great chemistry, are there any deal-breakers?
Misogyny, racism, extreme combativeness, lack of empathy.

 

[GZA]

Before I begin, let me say that I've never been in a relationship, so these answers are based on how I think I would probably treat it. I'm bolded.

What do you look for in a significant other?
I'm really not sure...

Do they HAVE to be "Mr/Mrs Righ" or will "good enough" do? Do you just sometimes need to be with SOMEONE (anyone?)
I don't think "mrs right" makes any sense. I think there could be tonnes of women I'd be perfectly happy with, and its simply a matter of finding one and making it work.

Do you have 'friends with benefits' and if so, how do you determine who you'll do this with and how does this relationship play out?
I think I might be able to do something like that (although I prefer the term "fuck buddies" as it doesn't sound like a real "friendship"). I guess I'd do that with someone with strong physical passion but only limited chemistry otherwise.

Are you a traditional 1 person at a time monogamous type or do you play the field or have ambiguous relationships or else nontraditional arrangements with people?
I think I'm mostly a monogamous type person

How to decide when to step it up from casual dating to something else?
I don't think it would be a step, it would be a smooth development, not a leap from one seperate thing to another

Are you a tease? A flirt? Do you flirt with intent or just for fun?
I once flirted with this girl a lot just for fun... I think she really liked me, and in that sense I may have led her on, thus making me a "tease". That was almost like an experiment to see if I could get a girl to like me. It worked ::

How do you get out of relationships?
I don't know.

Are you usually calling the shots?
I don't understand the question... so yes :hi:

Can you tell when you first meet someone that they are Dating/Long Term/ Fun material?
I don't think so... but maybe on some tiny level.

Do you ask people out or make it clear that you want to be asked out or are you very sly about it or does being asked out catch you off guard?
I think I'd probably be low-key about it. It wouldn't be "lets go on a date", it would be more subtle than that.

Even if you two had great chemistry, are there any deal-breakers?
I don't know... maybe if she ended up being a man?


How important in dating/love/sex to you and how do you meet your needs?
It will probably one day become very, VERY important

What is your criteria for determing if someone is 'longterm' material and how do you get there?
I don't think I have any, I think it would just happen

 

[findthejake]

These questions are being answered by a guy in the middle of having his heartbroken by an INFJ who has stopped responding to all manners of communication for no reason other than I may have loved too much too fast. My other two "relationships" were almost insignificant as one was a 6 month thing back in high school that ended badly and the other was a 3 week fling in back in early 04 with a Chilean swimsuit model... Aye Caramba! (it also ended badly)

What do you look for in a significant other?
Travel Travel Travel. Hotness. Travel. I judge people based on how well traveled they are. I know this sounds shallow but it's rare to find someone with the same worldview as me if they haven't traveled a bit. I look for intelligence, they have to be a reader and into books. Have to have an open mind and a big heart.

Do they HAVE to be "Mr/Mrs Righ" or will "good enough" do?
They have to be the right one. With the 3 girls that I have attempted love with, they all had that mystical mutual animal attraction thing going on at the start. I gotta feel that or I am not interested.

Do you just sometimes need to be with SOMEONE (anyone?)
Right now I would like very much to be with ANYONE just to stop hurting for SOMEONE.

Do you have 'friends with benefits' and if so, how do you determine who you'll do this with and how does this relationship play out?
Never been, wouldn't mind trying though! *Unless you count meaningless backpacker hookups, then yeah we still talk but I live far from all of them and there is no more hooking up going on*

Are you a traditional 1 person at a time monogamous type or do you play the field or have ambiguous relationships or else nontraditional arrangements with people?
"1 gal guy" Old Bing Crosby song from High Society. I swear by it.

How to decide when to step it up from casual dating to something else?
I never consider any of my dates casual. If it's casual than it's not worth going on to me. There's gotta be some serious connection

Are you a tease? A flirt? Do you flirt with intent or just for fun?
No.

How do you get out of relationships?
I hurt for what seems like forever and then I move on... this means I've never been the one doing the dumping.

Are you usually calling the shots?
I try but it never works that way.

Can you tell when you first meet someone that they are Dating/Long Term/ Fun material?
I'd like to think so but then they always end up being psycho.

Do you ask people out or make it clear that you want to be asked out or are you very sly about it or does being asked out catch you off guard?
I just kind of let it build up to the point of knowing that they aren't going to say no, that way it starts off strong... Maybe I should rethink the start, that might be why it tapers out eh?

Even if you two had great chemistry, are there any deal-breakers?
Kids. No kids for me. And travel, they gotta be down for traveling, maybe even a semi-vagabondistic lifestyle. If they are fixed and won't budge from their current global location, forgetaboutit!

 

[cafe]

• What do you look for in a significant other? Smart guy, preferably with brown hair and blue eyes, that shares my values and likes me back.
• Do they HAVE to be "Mr/Mrs Righ" or will "good enough" do? They have to be Mr Right, otherwise we are wasting each other's time.
• Do you just sometimes need to be with SOMEONE (anyone?) No, at least I don't believe so.
• Do you have 'friends with benefits' and if so, how do you determine who you'll do this with and how does this relationship play out? I do not and do not anticipate doing so.
• Are you a traditional 1 person at a time monogamous type or do you play the field or have ambiguous relationships or else nontraditional arrangements with people? I'm highly traditional.
• How to decide when to step it up from casual dating to something else? I've never been one to date casually.
• Are you a tease? A flirt? Do you flirt with intent or just for fun? I try only to flirt with intent.
• How do you get out of relationships? Get dumped?
• Are you usually calling the shots? I like an equal partnership.
• Can you tell when you first meet someone that they are Dating/Long Term/ Fun material? I think so.
• Do you ask people out or make it clear that you want to be asked out or are you very sly about it or does being asked out catch you off guard? I try to make it clear that I want to be asked out.
• Even if you two had great chemistry, are there any deal-breakers? Yes, quite a few. I'm into sustainability.

To qualify my answers, I'm religious and personally morally conservative. I married at twenty-one and have been married for fifteen years, so I wasn't really in the dating scene for long and even that was quite awhile ago. I only dated two guys. By the end of my first conversation with my husband I believed him to be "The One" and from that point on, I proceeded with that in mind, keeping an eye out for deal-breakers. None appeared that did not resolve themselves in pretty short order, so we got married. I still think he's The One.

 

[wolfmaiden14]

I feel very long winded after reading everyone else's answers.

 

[scantilyclad]

What do you look for in a significant other?
someone who i know is going to keep me laughing, but can also be serious. I need someone to keep my head out of the clouds all the time and remind me that there is a real world. I look for intelligence and someone who is a bit unique and has a lot of depth and things for me to figure out about them. It also helps if they are cute and over 6 feet tall.

Do they HAVE to be "Mr/Mrs Righ" or will "good enough" do? Do you just sometimes need to be with SOMEONE (anyone?)
good enough will never do. i have to have exactly what i'm looking for, and i will not settle for anything less.

Do you have 'friends with benefits' and if so, how do you determine who you'll do this with and how does this relationship play out?
I had friends with benefits back in high school when i was dating this boy that was younger than myself. I would never do this again. I only did it that time because i really still wanted some sort of a connection to him and i wanted him to stay away from other girls.

Are you a traditional 1 person at a time monogamous type or do you play the field or have ambiguous relationships or else nontraditional arrangements with people?
I'm the traditional 1 persona at a time monogamous type

How to decide when to step it up from casual dating to something else?
When i start feeling like there is really a real connection and the other person and i start spending a lot of time together and i really miss them when they are not around.

Are you a tease? A flirt? Do you flirt with intent or just for fun?
I've been called a tease and a flirt but i've never noticed these qualities in myself, so i must do it without noticing.

How do you get out of relationships?
breaking up i guess. heh. if i want to break up with someone, i usually find a way for them to want to break up with me, because i don't want to hurt them. it seems sort of manipulative, but i can't live knowing that i hurt someone the guilt will be there forever.

Are you usually calling the shots?
yeah i'd say i usually am.

Can you tell when you first meet someone that they are Dating/Long Term/ Fun material?
most of the time, but i've been fooled a few times.I dated this one guy for awhile that i thought was going to be a long term sort of thing, but once we finally had sex, he stopped talking to me. sadness.

Do you ask people out or make it clear that you want to be asked out or are you very sly about it or does being asked out catch you off guard?
there is no way i would ever ask anyone out. i would be too scared. i prefer to be asked out but i'm usually sly about it, i would never come out and say that i want someone to ask me out.


Even if you two had great chemistry, are there any deal-breakers?
drug use is a huge deal breaker as well as any sort of violence of course or if the guy has a girlfriend or a wife which i've encountered a few times unfortunately.

 

[CzeCze]

I feel very long winded after reading everyone else's answers.

Don't feel like that!

I'm very pleased people are being thoughtful and answering these questions in the manner they are comfortable with.

So kee 'em coming!