proteanmix
Plumage and Moult
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2007
- Messages
- 5,514
- Enneagram
- 1w2
When galaxies collide
I think I'm about to pin the scarlet letter on my chest and say I have low autonomy needs. Or maybe it's independence. I'm not quite sure what it is.
This is what it feels like: Major Tom (autonomy) vs. galaxies colliding (merging and intimacy)
Though I’m past one hundred thousand miles
I’m feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much (she knows!)
Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear....
What intrigues me about Major Tom or at least what I tend to hone in on when I listen to the song is the desire or acceptance or willingness or resignation to going away from humanity and being OK with it. Welcoming it. The willingness to isolate is practically inconceivable to me. It feels me with dread and even now my throat is lumping. When I watched I Am Legend, the desolation and lack of people and humanity coming from the movie affected me so much.
I'm not sure if I'm remember correctly but I remember a line from Solaris that said the planet is ever enlarging, always getting bigger always taking/feeding/absorbing the energy from it's surroundings. It's always merging and sustaining it's surroundings. It took people memories and emotions it grew from them. I was instantly attracted to that concept when I first saw that movie.
I enjoy my personal freedoms, I enjoy independence. Do I feel clingy and dependent? No, in fact I've been told by a couple of people--which came as a complete shock--that I didn't seem to be very into them. It feels so much sweeter to have someone you can share those things with than to do them alone. I feel very strongly, almost recklessly, the need to merge with and be intimate with someone that I think I would willingly give up my autonomy to have it. When I rate those two things it's not even close. I don't know what to make of that. It feels so freaking un-American to say. It's like the pursuit of happiness, why would you want to give that up? It's just what you do. You strive for independence. But this is my pursuit of happiness.
I started a thread a few weeks ago about getting your partners symbol or whatever permanently etched on your body. I never answered my own question. The idea of physically and irrevocably having something on me is so appealing. I think I seek out circumstances in which that type of immutability exists. It's like a challenge, I suppose, to see how long I will stick with it, if I will or won't bail, if I even have the stamina and determination to immerse myself that much in something that I can't even find me anymore.
I think I'm about to pin the scarlet letter on my chest and say I have low autonomy needs. Or maybe it's independence. I'm not quite sure what it is.
This is what it feels like: Major Tom (autonomy) vs. galaxies colliding (merging and intimacy)
Though I’m past one hundred thousand miles
I’m feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much (she knows!)
Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear....
What intrigues me about Major Tom or at least what I tend to hone in on when I listen to the song is the desire or acceptance or willingness or resignation to going away from humanity and being OK with it. Welcoming it. The willingness to isolate is practically inconceivable to me. It feels me with dread and even now my throat is lumping. When I watched I Am Legend, the desolation and lack of people and humanity coming from the movie affected me so much.
I'm not sure if I'm remember correctly but I remember a line from Solaris that said the planet is ever enlarging, always getting bigger always taking/feeding/absorbing the energy from it's surroundings. It's always merging and sustaining it's surroundings. It took people memories and emotions it grew from them. I was instantly attracted to that concept when I first saw that movie.
I enjoy my personal freedoms, I enjoy independence. Do I feel clingy and dependent? No, in fact I've been told by a couple of people--which came as a complete shock--that I didn't seem to be very into them. It feels so much sweeter to have someone you can share those things with than to do them alone. I feel very strongly, almost recklessly, the need to merge with and be intimate with someone that I think I would willingly give up my autonomy to have it. When I rate those two things it's not even close. I don't know what to make of that. It feels so freaking un-American to say. It's like the pursuit of happiness, why would you want to give that up? It's just what you do. You strive for independence. But this is my pursuit of happiness.
I started a thread a few weeks ago about getting your partners symbol or whatever permanently etched on your body. I never answered my own question. The idea of physically and irrevocably having something on me is so appealing. I think I seek out circumstances in which that type of immutability exists. It's like a challenge, I suppose, to see how long I will stick with it, if I will or won't bail, if I even have the stamina and determination to immerse myself that much in something that I can't even find me anymore.
