I often feel myself wearing the other person's emotions like a cape over myself for hours after the contact is over. Sometimes good, sometimes horrid, depending on the personal vibration of the person and my relationship to them.
-
You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.
What's it like to be a Feeler?
- Thread starter Tallulah
- Start date
I often feel myself wearing the other person's emotions like a cape over myself for hours after the contact is over. Sometimes good, sometimes horrid, depending on the personal vibration of the person and my relationship to them.
cascadeco
New member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2007
- Messages
- 9,080
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 9w1
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I haven't read the other responses yet. It'll be incredibly ironic to me if after I try to deconstruct stuff, none of the other Feelers can identify with anything I write, and I end up being a T!! ha!
I'm not certain what you are getting at? When I am talking about how *I* feel - i.e. happy, sad, irritated, anxious, content, paranoid, joyful, envious, whatever - that's how I feel. I feel it completely, and at times it almost consumes me. That's all I can focus on, because it's quite real to me. The experience is real. With positive emotions, none of this is a problem. I roll around in those. ;-) But when it's a negative emotion, I might accept it and just let it wash through me, but at the same time, I want to understand why I'm feeling the way I am, because I want to gain more self awareness...partially *because* the emotions are so real and I don't like it at the negative ones can consume me at times, which can be quite painful experiences. So I want to learn how better work with them.
I need to clarify though that much of the time I don't even talk about my feelings, because it's just not necessary. It's just part of me -- no need to share with everyone - since many of them are momentary and in passing anyway. Plus they are kinda like background noise...I'm always feeling something, even if it's just boredom, so..yeah.
To a certain extent, if I'm empathizing with someone else and what someone else is feeling or going through, I won't be feeling the same things as them, although I will adjust my outward expressions to be present for them and 'be there' for them as they need me to be. Often just a listening ear and a presence is all they need. This I assume is the Fe. This, combined with trying to meet them and see them at their level - but again, I don't 'become' their emotion. I don't think.
This is where I think I diverge from some other Feelers. If someone is crying, I don't necessarily cry with them - I don't enter the hole with them. I can remain detached in that sense. So I don't think I 'take on' other peoples' emotions as much as some Feelers do. I am however affected by intense negative emotions such as anxiety or general group funks/cynical outlooks -- this was a problem in a former job as well as a few relationships -- general cynicism started to rub off on me, and I couldn't stand it. I had to get out!
No. This is something that intrigues me about descriptions of Feelers. To be honest, I have seen some highly emotional, all-over-the-place, irrational T's in terms of their behaviors!!
I actually think I am pretty rational when it comes to day to day decisions, certain life decisions, and all of that. I also think people might possibly type me as a 'T' in real life, just because my emotions are often kept in check. Depending on the situation, of course.
While I might be highly emotional and sensitive, I also have a pretty solid recognition of my emotional state at any given moment, my patterns of emotions, and my own sense of self. I know when I might be overreacting, so I might choose to bit my tongue until the emotion passes. I know some of my emotions are transient -- and there's nothing wrong with that -- so I might wait things out a bit rather than 'go with my feelings'.
A specific example: Several years ago I was horribly disillusioned about my job and life in general. What I really wanted to do was quit my job and travel the world and deplete my savings account. I didn't care. That seemed the most desirable thing to do at the time. But I also knew that that wouldn't solve the real issue -- and that when I came back I'd be in the exact same emotional place that I was before -- so I stuck it out in el crappo job for another 1.5 yrs, rather miserable the entire time, while I did my Ni/Ti thing to figure my way out of my internal/psychological dilemma.
On the flip side, right out of college a volunteer job opportunity came my way, and I was terrified of it, it wasn't the most 'rational' thing to do, all things considered...but I just *knew* that I had to do it -- I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do it, and I knew I'd regret it if I passed it by. So with that, I did go with my feeling.
Yes and no. Like I mentioned earlier, I do think all of my emotions are quite real and poignant. I think they mean something, even if they're transient. They're kind of a gauge of my whole being, and how I'm doing at a given moment. So I definitely pay attention to them.
By 'trustworthy', I assume you're meaning more in terms of basing ones' decisions -- and this is yes and no as well. Like I said, some are transient and I recognize them as such -- so things like paranoia, anxiety, whatever -- might end up being nothing, and my just overreacting, or simply personal 'issues' I've recognized in myself so I know when to question my emotions -- OR they might really mean something big that I need to pay attention to, and I WILL ultimately follow my feelings, even if I can't explain the 'reason'. Romantic relationships are a better example of following feelings/intuition -- I've tried the pure logical/pragmatic approach in the past, and it's been a really bad move. In any event, it would take some time for me to work through all of that. Or, I might immediately trust them. It depends.
Oh, I don't know. I suppose, but I also think this is the case with anyone. Even T's are clouded by their personal feelings -- even if it's the personal feeling that logic trumps everything and feelings aren't to be trusted. haha. tee hee.
I'm not sure how to respond to this one. I view the human experience as a highly subjective one. Mine is unique and different from everyone elses', just as everyone else has their own slant/vision/eyepiece to life and how they view and approach things.
Don't know what exactly you're getting at. The manner of translation is going to be different for the 8 F personality types. Are you talking about specific scenarios?
For myself, my view that being human is highly subjective and individualized probably plays a large part in my outlook and approach. I find a purely rational/logical approach to people and life to be quite irrational and limiting, actually. Just like neglecting it can be equally stunting.
To be honest, I care about what people are going through, what they are thinking, feeling, what their motivations are, what they're passionate about, what makes them happy, what makes them sad...what makes them unique and who they are. I often listen - this tends to be my usual 'role' - listening and providing support/input if desired. Thoughts/philosophy/intellectual topics are interesting discussion, but that doesn't show me who a person IS. Because underneath all of that intellectual stuff is a peson with feelings - I don't care what type you are. We're all the same in that regard. Even someone who scorns emotion and maintains an icy surface -- THAT shows me a lot of emotion as well. Just a different kind. ;-)
End of my
-y Post.
I'm not certain what you are getting at? When I am talking about how *I* feel - i.e. happy, sad, irritated, anxious, content, paranoid, joyful, envious, whatever - that's how I feel. I feel it completely, and at times it almost consumes me. That's all I can focus on, because it's quite real to me. The experience is real. With positive emotions, none of this is a problem. I roll around in those. ;-) But when it's a negative emotion, I might accept it and just let it wash through me, but at the same time, I want to understand why I'm feeling the way I am, because I want to gain more self awareness...partially *because* the emotions are so real and I don't like it at the negative ones can consume me at times, which can be quite painful experiences. So I want to learn how better work with them.
I need to clarify though that much of the time I don't even talk about my feelings, because it's just not necessary. It's just part of me -- no need to share with everyone - since many of them are momentary and in passing anyway. Plus they are kinda like background noise...I'm always feeling something, even if it's just boredom, so..yeah.
To a certain extent, if I'm empathizing with someone else and what someone else is feeling or going through, I won't be feeling the same things as them, although I will adjust my outward expressions to be present for them and 'be there' for them as they need me to be. Often just a listening ear and a presence is all they need. This I assume is the Fe. This, combined with trying to meet them and see them at their level - but again, I don't 'become' their emotion. I don't think.
This is where I think I diverge from some other Feelers. If someone is crying, I don't necessarily cry with them - I don't enter the hole with them. I can remain detached in that sense. So I don't think I 'take on' other peoples' emotions as much as some Feelers do. I am however affected by intense negative emotions such as anxiety or general group funks/cynical outlooks -- this was a problem in a former job as well as a few relationships -- general cynicism started to rub off on me, and I couldn't stand it. I had to get out!No. This is something that intrigues me about descriptions of Feelers. To be honest, I have seen some highly emotional, all-over-the-place, irrational T's in terms of their behaviors!!
I actually think I am pretty rational when it comes to day to day decisions, certain life decisions, and all of that. I also think people might possibly type me as a 'T' in real life, just because my emotions are often kept in check. Depending on the situation, of course.While I might be highly emotional and sensitive, I also have a pretty solid recognition of my emotional state at any given moment, my patterns of emotions, and my own sense of self. I know when I might be overreacting, so I might choose to bit my tongue until the emotion passes. I know some of my emotions are transient -- and there's nothing wrong with that -- so I might wait things out a bit rather than 'go with my feelings'.
A specific example: Several years ago I was horribly disillusioned about my job and life in general. What I really wanted to do was quit my job and travel the world and deplete my savings account. I didn't care. That seemed the most desirable thing to do at the time. But I also knew that that wouldn't solve the real issue -- and that when I came back I'd be in the exact same emotional place that I was before -- so I stuck it out in el crappo job for another 1.5 yrs, rather miserable the entire time, while I did my Ni/Ti thing to figure my way out of my internal/psychological dilemma.
On the flip side, right out of college a volunteer job opportunity came my way, and I was terrified of it, it wasn't the most 'rational' thing to do, all things considered...but I just *knew* that I had to do it -- I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do it, and I knew I'd regret it if I passed it by. So with that, I did go with my feeling.
Yes and no. Like I mentioned earlier, I do think all of my emotions are quite real and poignant. I think they mean something, even if they're transient. They're kind of a gauge of my whole being, and how I'm doing at a given moment. So I definitely pay attention to them.
By 'trustworthy', I assume you're meaning more in terms of basing ones' decisions -- and this is yes and no as well. Like I said, some are transient and I recognize them as such -- so things like paranoia, anxiety, whatever -- might end up being nothing, and my just overreacting, or simply personal 'issues' I've recognized in myself so I know when to question my emotions -- OR they might really mean something big that I need to pay attention to, and I WILL ultimately follow my feelings, even if I can't explain the 'reason'. Romantic relationships are a better example of following feelings/intuition -- I've tried the pure logical/pragmatic approach in the past, and it's been a really bad move. In any event, it would take some time for me to work through all of that. Or, I might immediately trust them. It depends.
Oh, I don't know. I suppose, but I also think this is the case with anyone. Even T's are clouded by their personal feelings -- even if it's the personal feeling that logic trumps everything and feelings aren't to be trusted. haha. tee hee.
I'm not sure how to respond to this one. I view the human experience as a highly subjective one. Mine is unique and different from everyone elses', just as everyone else has their own slant/vision/eyepiece to life and how they view and approach things.
Don't know what exactly you're getting at. The manner of translation is going to be different for the 8 F personality types. Are you talking about specific scenarios?
For myself, my view that being human is highly subjective and individualized probably plays a large part in my outlook and approach. I find a purely rational/logical approach to people and life to be quite irrational and limiting, actually. Just like neglecting it can be equally stunting.
To be honest, I care about what people are going through, what they are thinking, feeling, what their motivations are, what they're passionate about, what makes them happy, what makes them sad...what makes them unique and who they are. I often listen - this tends to be my usual 'role' - listening and providing support/input if desired. Thoughts/philosophy/intellectual topics are interesting discussion, but that doesn't show me who a person IS. Because underneath all of that intellectual stuff is a peson with feelings - I don't care what type you are. We're all the same in that regard. Even someone who scorns emotion and maintains an icy surface -- THAT shows me a lot of emotion as well. Just a different kind. ;-)
End of my
-y Post. Also, y'all, please know that all this is meant entirely respectfully. I have no intention of picking you apart or using the information for evil
Yes... from me too. I reeeally want to understand and, right now, I'm can relate to Spock in a major way. I am struggling and not sure I'm going to get it. But I do understand or perceive "F" to be more "sensitive" than I am and it makes me nervous when I ask something. So... trust me... no judgements here.. if any they're directed at myself.
Yes... from me too. I reeeally want to understand and, right now, I'm can relate to Spock in a major way.
I am struggling and not sure I'm going to get it. But I do understand or perceive "F" to be more "sensitive" than I am and it makes me nervous when I ask something. So... trust me... no judgements here.. if any they're directed at myself.Raw, unexamined Emotion and the judging function "Feeling" are not the same thing. I think that confuses the conversation.
Do my raw, unexamined emotions usually affect my actions and decisions? No, not if I am on track and functioning as I should be.
Does my "Feeling" as judging function affect my actions and decisions? Absolutely, every single time.
Do my raw, unexamined emotions usually affect my actions and decisions? No, not if I am on track and functioning as I should be.
Does my "Feeling" as judging function affect my actions and decisions? Absolutely, every single time.
Ender
Large Member
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2008
- Messages
- 1,090
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 2w%
Yup, seeing someone who's sad usually ends up in me feeling it as well and just drives me to want to figure out how to get rid of it. If it's someone close to me and theres nothing I can do about it then it's especially trying as I want to run yet I can't bring myself to leaving them like that.
Also, y'all, please know that all this is meant entirely respectfully. I have no intention of picking you apart or using the information for evil
Yes... from me too. I reeeally want to understand and, right now, I'm can relate to Spock in a major way.
You always seem very respectful to my view point.
SillySapienne
`~~Philosoflying~~`
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2008
- Messages
- 9,801
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
My intuitions are experienced as instantaneously conjured, *deeply-felt* thoughts. My N and F are so deeply integrated that I cannot imagine experiencing one in the absence of the other. Also, I have definitely been one to know the answer to a given problem or scenario, prior to my undertsanding the reasons behind why such an answer is/exists.
Ender
Large Member
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2008
- Messages
- 1,090
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 2w%
lol.. keep the sweater for all I care, just take it back.
cascadeco
New member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2007
- Messages
- 9,080
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 9w1
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
cafe
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2007
- Messages
- 9,827
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 9w1
Truth! Other people's feelings can be so invasive.
Whew... thanks.
And cascademn... I appreciate and learn more from a long post.. especially on a subject like this.... thanks.
cascadeco
New member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2007
- Messages
- 9,080
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 9w1
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
disregard
mrs
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2007
- Messages
- 7,826
- MBTI Type
- INFP
Erm...
Hide...
I agree with Seanan though, a long post is a great thing. You feelers have the ability to express your thoughts at great length, in great depth, with great accuracy and insight--something I have to consciously make an effort to do.
Well, that's good...I'm rather embarassed by it at the moment.
Don't be:1377:
Tallulah
Emerging
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2008
- Messages
- 6,009
- MBTI Type
- INTP
Agreed. I'm still processing yours, cascademn!
I'm loving that all of your responses are challenging what I had previously thought that F did. Yay for enlightenment!
Athenian200
Protocol Droid
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2007
- Messages
- 8,856
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
As a bit of an... impression. Almost as if part of my mind goes into the state spoken of. It's not as strong as if I were experiencing it myself, but it's still palpable... and can create serious pain if it's a highly negative emotion. As a result, I sometimes avoid people if their negative emotions are too strong or chaotic.
Only in situations involving other people and/or their feelings, and not always then. Not at first (I'm not even sure I sense them at first), but as I measure my emotions against those of several others I trust and see how far off they are, they seem more reliable for that situation. No... it's almost like I have two views of a situation that are similar to "luma" and "chroma" in a video signal. I try to overlay them to get the whole picture, but if they don't seem to "match", I tend to rely on the "luma." I have been known to repeatedly ask for other people's emotional input to see if part of their "chroma" fits the "luma" better, to eventually get the whole picture. Does that make sense?
Mainly if I sense that another person needs something, and I have the ability to provide it without harming myself in some way, it results in empathy. This empathy inspires me to act in ways that I believe should improve the emotional state of the other person. Actually, I'm still likely to feel and express some sympathetic feelings even if I can't provide help, but that isn't technically action.
4) Anything else you feel like sharing. I'm just a T, so I'm not even sure how to word all this in F language.
I'm perceived as a bit cold at times, but I really think that's only by people who misunderstand my introversion and the difference in how I emotionally connect to people. But I'm perceived by more sensitive people as "tense" or "intense," which is more accurate regarding my typical state. I do frequently think about how things might affect my friends, generally. To a lesser extent, even acquaintances and strangers. My weakness is in understanding how passing situations and current stresses affect their typical demeanor. I'm too quick to respond based on my larger vision of who they are over a long period of time, and tend to be confused by the personality changes that occur in a shorter span, not knowing if it's a whole new personality, or just passing passion causing a reaction that makes no sense in context of what I know of the person. This really only happens with P's, because J's change slowly and obviously enough for me to register the change in demeanor.
