I'll add another post since I'm in the groove of doing the tell all now and it will add some more data points hopefully more about him. Plus it's kind of entertaining. At least I think so.
The reason I got in touch with this guy again to begin with is that I was talking to a good friend about all my recent horrible dates. After recounting a number of recent horrors I say "Why can't I date anyone decent and who isn't completely insane" (you probably know this rant). After thinking I say, "Well, there was one guy I liked quite a lot, but he's probably already taken since it was 2 years ago, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm an idiot because I was freakish last time I dated him. Plus I sort of let it fall apart and was acting neurotic. No way he'd ever want to deal with me again. I wouldn't want to deal with me again." (Though in the back of my mind I was thinking, "he did call me 'adorable' once, that's worth something.")
My friend tells me that I have to contact him and find out since otherwise I'll always wonder and the only way to find out is to ask. At this point, Pride & Prejudice comes up since I'm wondering if it was all some huge series of misunderstandings and weird circumstances like in that book, or if there is some bad juju there and we had our reasons. My friend tells me I'm the only man she knows who would ever bring up Pride & Prejudice. Yeah, that's comforting. ;-)
So that night I find his old email address but can't find his profile online and figure it's pretty risky. He may have left the country or is happily partnered or who knows what. So I write some long heartfelt email and figure it's way, way too much, so I systematically chop it down to nothing, which seemed somehow safer and better. I cringe a little and hit send since if I don't now then I never will. Only I keep thinking about it most of that night. In the morning I go reread to see how I feel about it now and I'm completely horrified because the email is short, but basically really cryptic and I know he'll just think I'm a complete nut job from what I sent.
I know I have to send something that actually explains the whole situation in concrete detail to correct the psycho impression or just give up on it completely. I finally manage to find his profile on some dating site from the username in an email from 2 years ago. I look at the profile and see he's not already taken. That makes me feel a little better, but also gives me a sinking feeling about crazy email #1. So then I write a huge long email detailing all the things I thought happened in the past and how maybe he hates me or maybe I'm just delusional. And how I feel like an idiot. It even has Pride & Prejudice references in it, because, why not, it can't make it any worse at this point. It can't make him think I'm any more psycho than he probably already does, and the Pride & Prejudice comparison was part of the weird lead-up to email #1 so he might as well know. I'm pretty much completely humiliated by now, but there is nothing to do but accept it. So I send email #2 and hope it does at least a little damage control.
While I'm at work that day I keep checking my email since I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall. I figure I'll probably get something short saying he's not really interested or even worse, the dreaded no-reply that you wait for for weeks and finally give up on. Sometime around noon I get a reply which says he understands, things are basically ok, let's talk tonight, and by the way, which of us is Mr. Darcy (which is the same thing my friend asked me the previous day while she harassed me).
So when I talk to him that night, he's totally nice. In fact, he won't even let me make ironic jokes about myself and all my crazy behavior (since I figure that's the best way to deal with my craziness). He sort of pretty much cuts me off before I can. Maybe it makes him uncomfortable to bring up the subject, maybe he's uncomfortable with me yukking it up at my own expense. Maybe he's just not in the mood (see below). It's sweet, though it also drives me a little crazy that I can't lighten it up a bit.
I knew he was close to his family from before. We talk about various things. I won't pretend it's all a perfect connection and totally clicks, but it's nice, and after all we haven't talked in 2 years. I'm not so delusional to expect the Pride & Prejudice ending instantly.
Aside from things I mentioned earlier, the real bombshell is that his dad died of cancer last week. I know he has to be pretty depressed about it, but he obviously doesn't want to relive it right then so I tell him I'm sorry about it and move on.
So at this point I'm really amazed that he emailed me back or called me at all. I mean, I don't know if I would in his situation--after getting a nutty email and then a long damage control email in rapid succession from someone I hadn't talked to for two years. Anyway, so that's what I'm talking about when I mean nice. I mean seriously nice.