[INFJ] What personality pitfall about yourself bothers you most, and why?

[iwakar]

I think we all know that the flipside to our personality strengths are the inherent weaknesses they create.

So what personality pitfall bothers you most, and why?
Are you actively working on it? If so, how?

 

[á´…eparted]

Feeling lazy and and not want to do what is the responsible thing to do. It really gets to me that much of it isn't innate, and I try to fight against it.

 

[Forever]

Overconfidence - When going about daily tasks, I just seem to rely on my memory or the impression I got of things when especially in academia or learning things for the first time (like a new skill) I just hope to wing it when really that's the worst thing I could do.

For my enneatype 4, I think it's really stuck in an imagination zone where I become entirely unproductive especially if it's a repetitive thing I have to go to (like classes at school)

 

[Fidelia]

I've recently realized that because it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to process negative emotions, I tend to avoid situations that I've simulated in my head first and that I think will result in me feeling hurt or upset at someone because of their response or that I can't predict how they'll turn out.

This has led me to not trying new things till I'm sure I can do them well, not expressing opinions until they are well polished, internally evaluating and editing everything, avoiding situations that don't have a predictable outcome, etc. In addition, I rely a lot on subtle reassurance from other people about how they feel about me, that I'm not imposing on them, etc.

I think I have taken some tools that in moderation are good, but overused them, at the expense of developing facility with a wider variety of ways to respond to new situations or to something upsetting. Instead, I think I need to experience discomfort often enough that it is not such a ghastly spectre and so I develop strategies for how to deal, no matter how other people respond.

This is much like what I teach students about the difference between practicing the song and performing it. Each process requires a separate skill set. One kind of thought needs inward attention, while the other requires outward attention. It's not really a fear of performing that people have, but a fear of what could go wrong unexpectedly and how to handle it. If you limit performances to very rare occasions, not only is the anxiety higher, but the trust in your own abilities to respond appropriately has never been built. 1 bad performance in 2 is devastating. 5 bad ones in 50 doesn't pack nearly the same wallop.

I'm discovering that emotions always trump rational thought, so learning to acclimate to certain emotions a bit at a time means that your rational thought can coexist rather than being obliterated by a tidal wave of negative emotion.

It's empowering to not be at the mercy of reacting to other people, and also to realize that sometimes you can trust people more than you even thought. It also builds confidence when you know that even if it turns out poorly, you've gleaned some resilience and experience with new tools through the process.

I think my reticence has unintentionally sent the message that it's okay for other people to be a mess but I hold myself to a higher standard, or that I don't trust them or that I'm keeping them at arms length.

In any case, I'm only at the beginning of trying to address this but am already seeing how worthwhile it is.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

[MENTION=179]iwakar[/MENTION], are you looking to hear pitfalls directly related to being infj (as we see it) or biggest pitfalls of a more individualized nature? (Trying to figure out how much weight to assign the "infj" thread tag. I can see infj pitfalls that I experience regularly, but I dot think they are my biggest personal pitfalls- which are probably more e5 in nature.)

 

[iwakar]

[MENTION=179]iwakar[/MENTION], are you looking to hear pitfalls directly related to being infj (as we see it) or biggest pitfalls of a more individualized nature? (Trying to figure out how much weight to assign the "infj" thread tag. I can see infj pitfalls that I experience regularly, but I dot think they are my biggest personal pitfalls- which are probably more e5 in nature.)

I am interested in whatever you feel is significant enough to share and explore aloud. You are an INFJ, so it's a part of your experience; whether you think it's tied to the INFJ label as opposed to your individual permutation of it is immaterial to me. You're so sweet to ask though.

 

[EcK]

I'm too nice for an asshole. Or vice versa

 

[Hitoshi-San]

pushover/too nice and get taken advantage of and I have too much patience with people whose asses I should've dropped long ago, scared of people not liking me so I either hold back or think I fucked up and hate myself for days, nervous and can't make my mind shut the hell up just for a minute

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Negative, obsessive thinking loops

When one situation causes pain, i become aware of every time the type of situation occurs throughout my life and even throughout reality. It can feel pointless to correct one instance if the problem persists throughout life or reality. If you can't get to the actual root and figure out a way to guard against it in principle, then resolving one instance can feel meaningless because it is doomed to happen again.

 

[entropie]

I have to cope a lot with ST people in my country and I wish to be more relaxed around them. They are pretty good at overtheorizing everything, planning and creating virtual work that comes out of their Te minds but nobody needs it really. I tend to solve things way faster, practically and more concentrated on the actual question and end up with being called lazy for that. That pretty gets on my nerves that people create work just to look busy. Will prolly need to become an entrepreneur to get rid of that.

 

[anticlimatic]

When too many people want my company and I freak out because I'm not getting enough alone time to charge my batteries. I yell at them to leave me alone, then two days later when my batteries are charged and I come out to play everyone is like "fuck off jerk I thought you wanted to be alone."

 

[IndigoViolet11]

An ISTP will drive me totally nuts, to death, but my love in opposite things means that I ain't good at whatever I study (but not bad neither lmao). And this was why I previously didn't find out my infj mbti, but tested as an intp instead. Like the intp, tho, I have many concepts and ideas too, so much that at least half of them always float in my head. The difference between I and them in a sense is, that I seem to deeply attach to feeling related stuff much more than they do. Academic wise, I sucked quite badly, and got trouble understanding even my own concept on things that I already had, despite how many times I've digested it and wrote them down.

The Ni while it perhaps is deep stuff, but maybe there are times, that like me, changing it into a completely different way to look at it, in a different angle, bit by bit. I feel in comparatively, I started off quite handicapped due to my inability to process outside factual info, and by way harder to process facts about myself. Looking at how others feel outside is easier, but heck, I wonder how I am gonna use it well.

People started off different, even though at the end of the day, we might be doing similar things in history, or even expand our perception. The fact that I feel starting handicapped is something that I have too still, constantly deal with. My thoughts and my main way of processing means that I cannot rely at all on anybody's methods to learn how they learn. The unique way and the only way feels so much more difficult, thus affecting my learning severily. It seems that the world isn't INFJ friendly afterall. I rise up way higher than the others, just to find out that I fell off much harder than the others do.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

[This isn't a comprehensive list, just the things that have come to mind over the last week.]

Of the ones that I think are INFJ related:

• Very low threshold for emotional surprises. I just can't think until the smoke clears, and then (depending on the severity of it/how close the person was to me) it can take forever to sort through how I feel about it. At best, I can cultivate a sense of detachment so that I don't feel the need to attach to some narrative about why I have this or that emotional charge, and instead just focus on identifying the emotional charge for what it is. But still, I can be very sensitive to incoming information in embarrassing ways.
  
• I really need to have someone I trust to bounce difficult, emotionally charged situations off of- I'm practically screwed when I don't have that. That part isn't the pitfall, the pitfall is that it's really hard to find people in life who actually hear what I'm describing. It's not that I think I'm "special" or that I think people should jump through hoops for me or something- but it really is just difficult for me to find people who can hear the meaning behind my words, not everyone can. If someone empathizes too much- to the point where they're basically yes men who are mindlessly 'supportive'/tell me what they think I need/want to hear (instead of actually thinking about the situation and giving me their honest point of view about what maybe went wrong)- or if they don't begin to 'hear' the problem I'm describing then not only is it unhelpful, I can end up even more confused than before. I don't fault other people for being this way, it's just that it's incredibly unhelpful and counterproductive to me. It's difficult to find people who 'hear' the meaning behind my words, and who understand exactly why I'd bounce such things off other people.
  
• I am not mercurial. Holy shit, am I totally not mercurial. I realize that sometimes we can tell ourselves things like this, and it can become true because we believe it (instead of it being true because it's true), but OMG. I can be surprisingly mercurial in environments I'm relatively familiar with- but throw one new person into the mix, change any seemingly insignificant detail about the environment and I'll pick up on the significance (not even consciously) and it'll be sand in the ointment for me.

Of the ones I don't think are especially INFJ related:

• There's little that gets under my skin like someone else having an inflated sense of entitlement. I think this stems from having a negative sense of entitlement myself, I find it viscerally threatening. Ideally I'd like to have compassion for people with an inflated sense of entitlement because it can be its own punishment. It makes people essentially very difficult to care about, or difficult to withstand the company of. I believe (the 1% of psychopaths among us notwithstanding) they wouldn't choose to be that way, if they were able to see it and had a choice. But I get such a strong negative emotional charge that it practically cripples my ability to think straight. I find it so menacing. I waste *a lot* of my own time fuming over it, working through the feelings of contempt and disgust it stirs in me. I am working on balancing my own sense of entitlement out, but it's hard. It's not something someone can make a one-time decision about, it takes a long time and a lot of rote work to even out that imbalance. The more I work on it, the more I think it's my biggest personal pitfall. Like, if I could fix that, everything else might fall in place better.
  
• Another one, tied to the one above, is analysis paralysis, perpetually feeling like I don't know enough to act on something. A certain amount of observing first is healthy, but I consistently get stuck in taking it too far.

 

[Nico_D]

I'm in a good mood so I give you two:

1. Getting sucked into other peoples' emotions without even realising I'm doing them before it's been going on for a while.
2. Letting things bother me. Like really bother. All things. Stupid things. Irrelevant things. Save-the-world kind of things. And people and their quirks and behavior. And idiocy.

 

[thoughtlost]

I think what I don't like about myself is that I am constantly "telling" myself what to feel/think/believe/whatever. I can be a bit "un-natural". I just can't be myself. I have to fit myself in this self-made box ....and then I get mad at myself/embarrassed when I realize that I don't fit into "that" box.

It's quite weird. This is either an xxFJ thing or it's just a disintegration towards 3 that I am experiencing...

So I don't like that about myself, and I don't like that I have absolutely no chill. I am really not that light-hearted although I can appear to be at times. There are things that people do that really make me upset, but I try to hide it because I don't want to be petty because everyone else is so chill about things... but then I just become a complete jerk ^_^

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Self-doubt, because in trust it's too easy to express that sort of pitiful thing. Despite my reaction to that near-compulsion brought forth, the desire to my desire, strongly not wanting to.

But it's not as if I don't have the feeling that I was made shackled for a reason. I have witnessed myself when unbound and I cannot say I approve either.

At least it's never for the stranger or casual, there's the small comfort.

 

[Amargith]

My self-doubt. It causes avoidance and intense anxiety, which means I have to do double the work I had to do in the first place to also clean up the additional mess it creates.

And yes, I am working on it. It's just hard to believe in yourself when that voice inside your head keeps mocking you or telling you you'll never be good enough.

 

[21%]

My low energy level which results in "I'm shutting down so I can't care right now" moments. I really feel like I'm failing everybody, including myself, when that happens.

 

[Poki]

I wish my F was higher. Its something i admire in others.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Often there is too much NTJness in me for everyday life. (people notice)

I try not to be too serious but it is just that often I want to be exactly that.