What does being an Adult mean to you?

[á´…eparted]

What about religious people who have held to a long held opinion since childhood and never wavered from it? That's a long held opinion that suggests they never grew up.

I'm fairly certain she means any long held opinion. It's another way of saying being willing to change when shown you've been wrong even after many many years.

 

[Kanra Jest]

I'm fairly certain she means any long held opinion. It's another way of saying being willing to change when shown you've been wrong even after many many years.

Hm ok. If that's what she meant. That would be a mature quality then.

 

[citizen cane]

It seems like it always means being several years older than myself.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

giving the d to all alike at will - any place any time mah man!

 

[five sounds]

Owning your shit

 

[Kanra Jest]

Joining the slaveforce

 

[Destiny]

Looking at things with an open mind, slow to criticize and quick to understand things from others' point of view. Has the ability to introspect and is constantly seeking to improve oneself. Is able to control one's emotions at all times and if one has any negative emotions they would channel those negative emotions into something productive instead of directing that anger onto others.
Has strong morals and integrity and able to identify what is right and wrong and not be led astray easily.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

I feel like you have to be white male in order to be an adult...

 

[kyuuei]

What a good question..

I think, for me, it is about different things externally and internally coming together in a sustainable way. No one is perfect, and people will gain/lose features here and there.. but if, overall, the components of these two can be maintained regularly by the person, I consider them an adult. And it's fluid.. people can revert, and regress into childish behaviors even though they were totally acting like competent adults before.

External factors: Age (sorry, even if you're the smartest 14 year old in the world, you're still 14), being self-sufficient financially (i.e. if your parents are still paying your bills and you aren't just 'hey its cheaper if we stay on the family plan so I'll shoot you money' doing that thing but actually just getting your parents to pay for you, you aren't stable), being able to develop and maintain a career path of some sort (even if that is 'I'm working at this coffee shop/staying in school until I figure out what to do with my life' that's still something.. if you're playing video games all day and not gaining anything new in return even if it's just money you aren't working like an adult) .. Stuff like that. It's hard to pinpoint outside of those things, because really culture varies.. people in NYC all their lives may never learn to drive, but that's childish in Houston where a car is necessary.. or for my family doing your own taxes was a big deal, but others have always hired tax advisers, and for us working early was majorly pushed because we grew up poor vs people who have time to go to college and just focus on that... so it's hard to make a total list.. but those are some ideas of external factors.

But the bigger, heavier hand is the internal ones.. The external factors get beaten up all the time (40 year old once-successful-people have to move in with their parents again, or people seeking higher education have to sacrifice somewhere, etc.), but the internal ones should more than make up for the higher variety of external factors. They shouldn't spike up and down nearly as much, and they make the difference between adults and older persons acting like adults sometimes when it's convenient for them and just having the title through society standards.

Internal factors: A sense of responsibility for one's own actions, a sense of duty (like, even though that garbage-can-cleaning job sucks at work you still do it because unlike a kid you fulfill obligations even if no one is looking at you right away.. Or like, your mom isn't going to pay your phone bill, you don't call mom to bail you out of that mess when you bought nothing but fancy record players and forgot the bill was due.. vs someone asking mom for assistance during a genuinely hard time.. that sort of thing..), a tolerance for suffering (I find to be a big deal.. childish people get butt hurt, throw tantrums, start fights, lack total empathy for others, etc.. I always find young people tend to lack any tolerance to deal with the bad or negative things in life, and I always considered it a sign of adulthood to be able to brace one's self and weather through the storms life throws at you without completely collapsing the rest of one's life and obligations as a result)...

My personal thoughts on it closer to my heart?: An acknowledgement of children and young people and a sense of duty to help them.. I feel like if you're still in the "I'm in this all for me" game and you have zero desire to acknowledge the younger generations and give something to them it's because you never grew up and created something worth giving..
Reflection into one's self.. being able to actively seek criticism, challenge one's own beliefs, and ask harder and more uncomfortable questions are signs of maturity and adulthood.. I think more childish people want to use defense mechanisms to get away from icky bad feelings or ideas like 'you've been wrong your whole life' or 'turns out I am a neckbeard' or 'I play the victim all the time' etc.
Having something around you that commands respect. Teenagers accept explanations (begrudgingly but still they do) like "Because I said so" and such. Having logical, well thought out ideas, being proactive about plans (like the teenager that talks to their parents ahead of time about wanting to learn to drive because they're wanting to go to technical school vs just obeying and going to college and flunking out because they knew they didn't want to go be a lawyer like daddy), and interacting with adults in such a way as to integrate into them are huge signs of growing up and being in an adult mindset. There's a big big difference between teenagers and young people 'acting' instinctively and then going "Oopss.. sorry? I didn't think of that.." vs one that can see the bigger picture and put pieces together ahead of time. I tried to explain this to my younger sisters when I was growing up that I didn't just automatically get to the trust-level with my parents that I have due to age.. I commanded respect, and made people see me as an adult. I didn't ASK for a car, and I worked hard and bought one myself--I did ask for advice about buying one though. Both my sisters expected cars to be given to them somehow after I bought mine. They could have worked like I did, but they didn't. Little issues like that created a gap between me and them in my parents' eyes.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

So what does it mean to the individual, and not the collective?

Being self sufficient. Which includes living on your own with no assistance from anyone, including family or the government.

 

[Kensei]

Absolutely nothing. You can be 18 and be the biggest jerk, yet be 12 and be smarter, stronger, and have more character than some 30 year olds. Development makes more of a difference than age.

 

[Qlip]

In one sense being an adult is playing a role, having all those adult things, a charcoal suit and a Navy sports coat, opinions about the candidates, a 401k. For me being an adult is an ideal tailored to my shortcomings, grace in the face of disappointment, true perspective, responsible relations, forgiveness and understanding.

 

[Coriolis]

Joining the slaveforce

 

[Mole]

Being an adult means to be fully grown.

Our physical brains are only fully grown by about the age of 22.

And when our physical brain is fully grown, our psyche continues to grow.

We do though tend to neglect the growth of our psyche, so our psyche remains stunted even into old age.

 

[Flâneuse]

I think the more mature a person is, the more they will have these tendencies:
- The willingness to take responsibility for their actions
- Self-restraint. The tendency to think before acting, especially about how those actions will affect others.
- Guided by reason and well thought out values, with a desire to do good for both self and others. Acts on feelings when it's in line with their values, or at least when it wouldn't be destructive. Not guided by their more base and selfish emotions and desires.
- Gives as much as they take. Not greedy; when I imagine an infantile person, greed is the first characteristic that comes to mind.
- Their generosity is driven by genuine good will, not a pious self-image they're trying to uphold (i.e. a hero complex or martyr complex). Wise about giving in a way that truly helps others rather than coddling them or acting as an enabler. I find one of the most deceptive forms of narcissism is when a person is eager to sacrifice themselves for others, with more regard for their own pride (positive feelings about their own "goodness") than whether their actions are really benefitting others.
- Comfortable with being uncomfortable at times and willing to face the harsher aspects of reality. Genuinely seeks truth instead of protecting their peace of mind with feel-good beliefs or, conversely, wearing the armor of cynicism to prevent disappointment or to feel smarter and more aware than other people.
- Has outgrown adolescent solipsism. Empathetic, or at least fully aware that others are as real as them.
- Willing to listen to others but not easily swayed or gullible. Has a backbone and a healthy dose of skepticism - not easy to take advantage of or manipulate. Not so skeptical they don't believe anything, even what they have no good reason to doubt - those people are just as clueless as those who believe whatever they're told.
- Comfortable with maybes - can think in terms of probability and see shades of grey instead of thinking of everything as either certainly true or certainly untrue and seeing only black and white.
- Healthy balance of conviction and self-questioning. Knows there is always much more to learn and that the model of reality in their head probably isn't as accurate as they think it is.

 

[fetus]

Taxes, leather briefcase, slurping coffee grounds out of a faded travel mug. Bitchy bosses and long meetings. Cubicles. A framed picture of the family propped up next to a bowl of peppermints. Working 12-hour days and coming home grumpy. Trying to remember anniversaries. Signing forms, paying bills, waiting for Friday to come around. Armchair with food crumbs and Kool-Aid stains. Listening to screeching violin practicing after an annoying day at the office. Trying to get on the treadmill every once in a while. Weight Watchers frozen dinners. Reluctantly giving up a few minutes of peace and quiet for a neighborhood barbecue.

Minivan with a "I love my honor student" bumper sticker, corny "Parent MVP" tee shirt from the middle daughter's elementary school band fundraiser. PTA meetings, community bake sales, watching the little one's painfully terrible soccer games. Helping the oldest settle into his first day of middle school. Getting concerned calls from English teachers--"your son's poetry was distressing." Cooking soupy casseroles, staying up late finishing laundry, phone ringing constantly. Homeowner's association, chit-chat with the neighbors. Mopping up vomit, trips to the doctor, band-aids, tissues, cough syrup.

Adulthood.

 

[Frosty]

Looking at the past with regret, and to the future with fucking sorrow. And trying to reject that.

It is all transitory.

And writing shit like this and expecting it to mean anything.

 

[Kanra Jest]

Realizating the nihilistic futility of it all while it all crashes down around you.

 

[Galena]

Nothing is certain anymore. Not that anything ever was, but you didn't know that before, and now you do.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Nothing is certain anymore. Not that anything ever was, but you didn't know that before, and now you do.

Everything is changing and in flux. It's a little scary at times, but it's also fascinating and exciting.

There's no going back.

To grapple with the idea that all you've been taught was going to happen, won't is difficult. To have a mental constitution that does not permit you to accept illusions is difficult, especially when others around you persist in believing in them.