[INFP] What does an unhealthy INFP look like?

[Requeim]

I am not saying the INFP's aren't acting juvenile as well, I am just saying I think they usually use more subdued...even underhanded methods, silent treatment, passive agressive things, dark looks, short, snappish statements, odd barbed comments, sarcasm.

We have people on here labeling others INFP when they sound like constant watering pots or anger infernos. And I just don't see how those people can be Fi dom.

But I am curious what other INFP here say.

I totally agree with you.

Also, the thought of being labeled juvenile, histrionic or emo by an ENFP is laughable at best

 

[Glycerine]

I honestly don't know where I stand on the 'healthy' spectrum. I know I'm making positive progress, but I only have to go back 2 years to see a me that was clearly unhealthy.

Like the other INFPs here, I would only lash out when I was cornered and the other person wouldn't let me withdraw. Then, my words and actions were less about open expression and more about making other person suffer for having the gall to force me to face/express my feelings. I'd intentionally force the tidal wave onto them. I just wanted them the $#@$ out of my face and to punish them as much as possible. It like like, "YOU WANT IT? WELL NOW YOU GOT IT! :steam:"

As I saw it, they were my feelings, and the other person wasn't entitled to them.... especially if it was just to tell me how inappropriate they were. I just wanted to be left alone to sulk.

One of the reasons I know I'm healthier now is that when I notice myself starting to slip down that path, I am much better at saying something to the other person. Also, I've learned to differentiate the objective consequences of my emotions and the emotions themselves. I value people who give me honest feedback on the former, and am starting to learn how to remove people that only want to discredit the latter.

I concur with Jenocyde. You definitely seem healthy to me. What you describe about anger sounds really accurate about the INFPs I know in real life. I was talking with my mom about it and we both thought that INFPs tend to withdraw and then if they have enough stressors, end up lashing out and exploding in their own passive-aggressive ways. The one I have in mind, has the most annoyed tone in her voice, nastiest look on her face, a negative aura around her and starts to boss people, like me, around (Te mode) when she is stressed. I don't think it was was ever directed at me but I got some of the tidal wave. Everybody in the room feels it. However, this is probably due to the stress put on by her intense ESTJ mother and ENTJ sister. I feel really bad for her. What should I do in this situation? I love her a lot but this is what always happens whenever I get to see her.

 

[heart]

^ My ISFP friend gets super Te bossy when she's been around her mother (A super unhealthy controlling type who really stresses her) and my friend will start talking down to me with the shoulds and oughts and I just try to let it roll off my back or if I can't, I let a day or two go by.

Try getting her away from her mother and out for something like ice cream, some Si type pleasure. (Usually lots of childhood memories around ice cream, just using that as example) Something happy and fun but comforting with a childlike twist. Something that doesn't involve stressers like crowds and lots of noise though.

 

[Glycerine]

^ My ISFP friend gets super Te bossy when she's been around her mother (A super unhealthy controlling type who really stresses her) and my friend will start talking down to me with the shoulds and oughts and I just try to let it roll off my back or if I can't, I let a day or two go by.

Try getting her away from her mother and out for something like ice cream, some Si type pleasure. (Usually lots of childhood memories around ice cream, just using that as example) Something happy and fun but comforting with a childlike twist. Something that doesn't involve stressers like crowds and lots of noise though.

Thank you! That's some great advice. She loves music, coffee shops, and bookstores. Maybe I should also learn to detach and not take it so personally.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

I searched to see if this was already a thread and nothing came up. That's surprising to me. I know so many INFPs and a lot of them have problems so it's difficult to know if I'm typing them right in my head. What are some clues?

Unhealthy type-Characterized by an excessive reliance on a dominant function and a lack of reliance on other faculties.

Dominant function of an INFP-Fi.

Entailments.

1) Muddled thoughts-A result of supression of Thinking. When the dominant attitude becomes preponderant, the inferior function is supressed the most.

2) Hypersensitivity- Intensity of the focus on the Feeling function makes this type assume that all things are relevant to them in a deeply personal way.

3) Withdrawn and paranoid- The INFP in question would likely feel disconnected from the world. As the more they introvert, the more they separate themselves from immediate action. This alienation would lead them to harbor resentful sentiments towards those that they feel alienated from, however their timid nature prevents them from making their feelings explicit. They display them in a more subtle, often passive aggressive manner.

4) Fatalistic- As they have become disconnected from the world they feel that it is fitting for them to deny responsibility for their actions. Their muddled thoughts lead to wishful thinking and hypersensitivity prevents them from accepting any negative notion about themselves. Hence, they assume that whatever happens is the fault of the world and they are in no way responsible for any of it. They tend to see themselves as unfortunate victims of the cruelty of fate.

Generally these folks appear confused, distant from reality and almost impossible to communicate with as they construe any less than pleasant regard as a downright attack on their character. Counselling is hopeless as the person in question refuses to accept responsibility for his or her actions.

 

[heart]

^ Yes, he has the Unhealthy INFP pegged.

 

[Udog]

Hah, agreed.

For the record, I think that 1, 4, 3, and 2 is the order these things need to be addressed for an unhealthy INFP to become a healthy INFP. Overcoming 4 in particular is the KEY, but you need to have developed 1 to be able to detach enough to have the necessary revelations.

 

[sleuthiness]

An infp is unhealthy when an enfj asserts that they are because of one post in the "say anything you want to an enfj thread".

 

[lalalost]

Yeah, SolitaryWalker has it spot on. Recently been there, didn't feel too good. I find it hard to pull out of that "unhealthy" state though, my remedy is usually sleeping.

 

[CzeCze]

And I love how we're telling you we're not like that but you want to keep holding on to your assertion that we are! It's not so much I don't believe they are INFP's, it's just that the behavior you describe is certainly not a defining characteristic of one

But I'm not saying you're like that! LOL. I honestly hope what I described is not an archetype of [healthy] type. I honestly believe when other INFPs say that they don't relate or don't react in the same ways. I'm not saying you have to act like her to be a real INFP and if you deny it that you're lying. She was/is an extra "special case", let's just put it delicately that way. But she still fits into the INFP spectrum, whether or not her 'bad behavior' fits into "the norm".

It was just bothering me for whatever reason that fellow INFPs don't want to claim her. I have to claim "Michael Scott" (fictional character) on 'The Office' and my annoying ex-roommate, you have to claim some lemons too! LOL.

I totally agree with you.

Also, the thought of being labeled juvenile, histrionic or emo by an ENFP is laughable at best

Ha! Get ready to laugh!

Really though, were you referring to emo/juvenile comparison? I think I was just responding to Heart's post which she used those terms? In any case, I am talking about my exes...I can call them whatever I want, thank you very much! :angryface:

Awwww, but man that does remind me how much they hated being called "pouty" and "emo" respectively. I had a Korean exchange student roommate once who had only been in the country less than a year. She asked me, "Why is your girlfriend sulking? Did you two have a fight?' LOLOL. No, that was her normal face/demeanor. She might have been tired? Different (same) cultural cues may have come into play, but that does remind me of some of the comments I've heard here from INFPs who say people can misinterpret or attribute emotional states/moods to them that aren't true.

How would you "push" them?

Hmmm, you know I'm almost sorry I even went there.

"Push" sounds loaded and really aggro or invasive, but really I was just going an extra step to see what was going on with them or to try to resolve an issue. The end result is what I consider pretty "normal" for friends and partners - you know, knowing what's going on with them, being able to tell them what's going on with you. But sometimes people interpret the normal questions and issues that come up in dating as threatening or even personal attacks.

SolitaryWalker's outline pretty much sums up how she re/acted. I no longer talk to her because there is literally nothing for us to talk about.

I'm not pinning her on you guys necessarily, but mang she was a doozy and I shouldn't have dragged exes into this convo. Bah. Now, I'm sorry! LOL.

So you are more than welcome to draw any conclusions you like, i'll stop talking about her now.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Awwww, but man that does remind me how much they hated being called "pouty" and "emo" respectively. I had a Korean exchange student roommate once who had only been in the country less than a year. She asked me, "Why is your girlfriend sulking? Did you two have a fight?' LOLOL. No, that was her normal face/demeanor. She might have been tired? Different (same) cultural cues may have come into play, but that does remind me of some of the comments I've heard here from INFPs who say people can misinterpret or attribute emotional states/moods to them that aren't true.

I get that sometimes & it's annoying. If I don't walk around with a smile plastered on my face like an idiot, then I must be in a bad mood :rolli:. It's almost always extroverts who make those comments. They can't fathom someone quietly thinking I guess. I notice INxPs in general get that kind of reaction to their neutral state.

 

[Udog]

What should I do in this situation? I love her a lot but this is what always happens whenever I get to see her.

You can only help an INFP that wants to be helped. Otherwise, we find your efforts to bring us out intrusive, scary, and presumptuous. They'll only push you away or try to bring you down to their level.

(PS - change a few words, and that is a people thing in general.)

Is avoidance an option? Try back later to see if she's improved.

 

[heart]

It was just bothering me for whatever reason that fellow INFPs don't want to claim her. I have to claim "Michael Scott" (fictional character) on 'The Office' and my annoying ex-roommate, you have to claim some lemons too! LOL.

I don't think anyone here even tried to deny that INFP can be very difficult people to deal with. There's nothing attractive about the faults we discussed. We claim our bad traits but people are trying to pin certain traits on us that we're telling you don't sound like how an INFP acts badly at all.

No one said that INFP cannot act badly. So to say that we're denying our own lemons is just not so.

SolitaryWalker's outline pretty much sums up how she re/acted. I no longer talk to her because there is literally nothing for us to talk about.

His post seemed very inline with what the INFP are saying.

 

[Glycerine]

You can only help an INFP that wants to be helped. Otherwise, we find your efforts to bring us out intrusive, scary, and presumptuous. They'll only push you away or try to bring you down to their level.

(PS - change a few words, and that is a people thing in general.)

Is avoidance an option? Try back later to see if she's improved.

@bold, that's what I was referring to in my earliest post. LOL

I totally agree with you at the "PS" part. According to this post, I have been doing the right thing; staying calm, detached, and acting oblivious. However, there gets to be the point where I just want to explode but don't. There's a good chance that I won't see her (she's my cousin) for a few years unless I go to the same college as her. Also, Udog. she is the same one that I told you about. The one that I cut back the interaction with. I still wanted some perspective to stay open-minded and pointers for future interactions so thank you.

 

[Malcontent]

2) Hypersensitivity- Intensity of the focus on the Feeling function makes this type assume that all things are relevant to them in a deeply personal way.

3) Withdrawn and paranoid- The INFP in question would likely feel disconnected from the world. As the more they introvert, the more they separate themselves from immediate action. This alienation would lead them to harbor resentful sentiments towards those that they feel alienated from, however their timid nature prevents them from making their feelings explicit. They display them in a more subtle, often passive aggressive manner.

4) Fatalistic- As they have become disconnected from the world they feel that it is fitting for them to deny responsibility for their actions. Their muddled thoughts lead to wishful thinking and hypersensitivity prevents them from accepting any negative notion about themselves. Hence, they assume that whatever happens is the fault of the world and they are in no way responsible for any of it. They tend to see themselves as unfortunate victims of the cruelty of fate.

It describes me very well in my (frequently) unhealthy moments.
My intp-infp dilemma is much bigger now...

 

[heart]

^ Some thoughts.

It's a sheer wonder anyone ever comes to successfully type themselves as INFP at all.

So many profiles describe the INFP as some kind of happy-go-lucky sainted flighty headed angel who lives at Disneyland or something in an extended childhood state and then one thinks: "Oh that's not me."

Then one comes here and people describe all these "INFP" in their lives as constantly raging emotional volcanos and then ones thinks "OMG, that's really not me."

 

[Chloe]

^

I wonder, if you know, how do INFPs test mostly on Socionics?
because most INTPs test INTp (ILI) (and some ENTp, but very rarely LII), so do INFPs test also mostly test INFp in socionics?
I'm saying this because I like socionics profile better so maybe for INFp it fits better than all mbti's INFP profiles.

 

[WoodsWoman]

Perspective: 42 yo INFP. I've found that I'm not happy unless I'm growing - I've done a lot of self education over the years and am currently a non trad. student at my local University. ---There was one period in my life when I didn't have this - and in the process of trying to change what couldn't be changed lost any sense of growth. The process of letting go of this unchangeable situation put me through an undiagnosed mental breakdown and hindsight shows me how far down a path potentially leading to suicide I went. Hindsight only, though, and I never want to put myself in that sort of emotional place again.

How healthy am I? I'm not sure I can answer that other than to note that grief began the process of putting me in that 'bad' place and I'm on the other side of that particular grief now - loosing my Dad. Now I am dealing with a different grief - my husband died. I work to pay attention to the lessons I learned before - I'm not walking down those particular roads. I am hanging on to the sense that somehow through all these experiences I am still growing. ---So I think I'm doing OK.

FWIW

 

[Koocoomoo]

Either really emo
really angry
or overly comical, trying to hide themselves

 

[Thalassa]

Someone who becomes an emotional trainwreck over personal arguments. Someone who can't function in the rest of their life when they're fighting with their S.O. Someone who always leaves the party crying.