What are your current personal developments and how did you decide about them?

[Ghost of the dead horse]

I'm talking about some personal development programs or ideas, somethat that you've decided to improve on your person.

So, what things you strive at in your personal development, and what's the backstory to why you decided to take it as your goal?

I'll tell you mine.

-This thing I just figured out completely just while ago, so I'm in the beginning with this: I'll try to criticize less. I found out this when I met another even more insanely criticizing person than myself, and noticed there are limits to criticism people can tolerate. Then I read about about getting along with people, and it showed good examples while criticism, while theoretically sound manner, is ill-suited for almost all occasions for various reasons, if a good relationship with people is to be maintened.

-This development I've almost completed. I'll try to work more on the normal stuff that has to do with society. I'll be less eccentric, I'll try to be less of a special person, genius, etc.. I'll find connections with people in the normal things and learn to appreciate them, while maintaining my special things at the same time. I figured this out long ago when I found some special high IQ groups I had participated unsatisfactory, and found myself depressed from not having people to connect with.

-I'm in the middle of this. I'm trying to get more feeling in my life. I was devastated because of my difficulties at a time, and a shrink gave a last advice for me.. develop your feeling. I felt like it connected with something I had years ago.

-I'm past middle in this development. I'm trying to get more punctual, orderly and organized, while not organizing the wrong things. I noticed time go, and I had fun, but some people were able to ignore the fun opportunities and work on their stuff. I realized that my fun-seeking attitude wasn't bringing me the best fun, as I occasionally got troubles. I decided to learn to organize - it's easy to organize fast, and then I can enjoy good results later for a long period of time.

So, what's yours?

 

[Zoom]

-This development I've almost completed. I'll try to work more on the normal stuff that has to do with society. I'll be less eccentric, I'll try to be less of a special person, genius, etc.. I'll find connections with people in the normal things and learn to appreciate them, while maintaining my special things at the same time. I figured this out long ago when I found some special high IQ groups I had participated unsatisfactory, and found myself depressed from not having people to connect with.

I'm honestly glad for ye, but the wording here cracks me up and makes it so I am unable to reply.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Lol, it was ridiculous when I did that 10 years ago! You should have seen me (but you wouldn't have wanted, really).

I'm honestly glad for ye, but the wording here cracks me up and makes it so I am unable to reply.

I tried to make a parody of myself, (obviously failed), so just go with the stuff you wanted to

 

[nolla]

Hmm... well, I have a couple of these projects.

1) I need to get more in the real world too. I see now that the choices I've made might become too costly in the long run. I'm not sure if I've even started this project, though.

2) I try to be more in the moment. I've been doing this a few years now.

3) I try to take the criticizing project into my thoughts. I don't usually criticize people, but I sometimes judge them in my mind, even though I know that this is just to throw my concentration off my own mistakes.

 

[Such Irony]

1. Spend less time on the Internet forums. I'd like to limit it to an hour or two a day, not the 4-5 hours I seem to be spending.

2. Exercise more and lose 20-30 lbs.

3. Stop worrying so much about what others think (yes, some of us NTs *are* sensitive)

4. Master the Spanish language

5. Get a full-time job

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

What processes made you decide on those? (books, forums, thinking about it yourself, friends, others, etc.)

 

[human101]

1.Spend less time on laptop

2.Approach a member of the opposite sex without having a nervous breakdown

3.Write some scripts sitcoms, screenplay, sketches etc

4.learn piano, trumpet and saxaphone(can already play drums and upright bass)

5.Learn how to draw this is the biggest 1 for me my mums amazing at art and im jealous.

 

[stringstheory]

1. Improving my direct communication skills- Recently i've been realizing that, due to discrepancies in our methods of communication, my INTJ partner and i have been having some problems on this front. The more i step back and analyze the situation, the more i realize that to some degree we are expecting each other to read minds. Not good. I've been browsing up about how NTs communicate and i'm creating a list of steps i think we are both capable of taking to improve our relationship by communicating better.
2. Nurture and increase my Sensing capabilities- since i started browsing this forum, i've realized that my personality scale tips waayyyy too far towards N. The more i think about it, the more I realize how it ties into some of my unhappiness.
3. Focus, stop procrastinating- I'm trying to graduate in under 2 years, since i'm already starting my 5th year of college. I've done so well in my major/minor classes thus far i'd hate to ruin my successful streak so i'm trying to do better by focusing on what i really want to achieve, plotting the steps i need to take to achieve the goal, and just do it.

 

[skylights]

i am currently working the hardest on not saying things i don't mean and/or will regret when i am angry. i have a tendency to go straight for the jugular, so to speak, and this results in me being embarrassed and feeling bad later. instead, i'm trying to channel my emotional energy into engineering the best response i can. Fi to Te energy shift, if you wanna put it in jungian terms. the motivation for this change is based off of experiences in close relationships.

i also have a latent, driving fear that if i don't stand out, then no one will want to associate with me, and that if i don't make it to the top, my life won't mean anything. and instead of climbing to the top like would be logical, you would think, i just get paralyzed with this fear. i procrastinate and avoid things. i need to stop caring so much about other people's opinions and do what pleases me. i am not very far with this, having just really come to terms with it.

 

[garbage]

Mostly, establishing some regularity in my sleeping and exercise schedule. There's lots of physiological stuff going on, and I have to tackle them one step at a time. I'm starting at the fundamentals.

It's been difficult to build momentum, since the issues are intertwined--joint pain diminishes exercise, lack of sleep causes migraines, migraines cause lack of sleep, and so on.

Wow. Good open and honest thread.

 

[cascadeco]

I think the past 2-3 years have been a journey into trying to let go of controlling things that are in fact quite uncontrollable and in many ways out of my hands (at least 50% of it), most notably relationships and how I approach them and perceive them. Also to embrace the Unknown more, or if not happily/easily embrace it, at least be able to let go enough to be able to move forward in my life without letting fears hold me back, and without in some cases having definitive answers as to how things will unfold. Taking more risks, maybe.

How did I decide about this? Personal reflection. Just the result of all of the years prior (I think it was inevitable, in a sense, just due to the overall progression/direction my thoughts and my life had been moving through), and my realizing that I needed to move in this direction to be able to lead a happier, more fulfilling life.

 

[LeafAndSky]

-I'm past middle in this development. I'm trying to get more punctual, orderly and organized, while not organizing the wrong things. I noticed time go, and I had fun, but some people were able to ignore the fun opportunities and work on their stuff. I realized that my fun-seeking attitude wasn't bringing me the best fun, as I occasionally got troubles. I decided to learn to organize - it's easy to organize fast, and then I can enjoy good results later for a long period of time.

So, what's yours?

Mine this weekend is get organized.

If you don't mind a question:

What do you mean by "it's easy to organize fast"? I don't find it fast or easy, but I realize that if I don't do it, as you said, there are "troubles."

 

[disregard]

Communicating my lack of interest when it comes to the advances/flirtation of other men. I am learning to say "no". No no no! Don't like you! Don't want your number. Don't think you're charming. Gooooooo awayyyyyyy.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Mine this weekend is get organized.

If you don't mind a question:

What do you mean by "it's easy to organize fast"? I don't find it fast or easy, but I realize that if I don't do it, as you said, there are "troubles."

Well, I figured out that I had left some stuff unorganized, even though it took just a moment to organize it and the results were enjoyable. Things like labeling a VHS tape so that I could quickly find episodes of my favorite TV shows. Making sure the time when friends are available so we really can meet the time we've wanted. And, stuff like that.

 

[LeafAndSky]

Well, I figured out that I had left some stuff unorganized, even though it took just a moment to organize it and the results were enjoyable. Things like labeling a VHS tape so that I could quickly find episodes of my favorite TV shows. Making sure the time when friends are available so we really can meet the time we've wanted. And, stuff like that.

Thanks, I get it now. Seeing the results as enjoyable really would help.

 

[SilkRoad]

I'd say mainly: being more productive (in various aspects of life) and less of a time-waster.

Perhaps more importantly - doing more to assert my own needs rather than let resentment build up with people who might consciously or unconsciously take advantage of me. BUT, still remain kind and available. Difficult!

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Oh, you have awesome development programs.

None of them seem to have begun because someone else demanded you or me or anyone to change.

I think it proves a point someone once told me.

 

[Void]

Finally, a thread I can relate to. The OP sounds a lot like me.

Here are the things I am working on:

In progress. Be more accepting and appreciative of other peoples differences. I am only going to be miserable if I don't do it. Not everyone will live up to your standards and you shouldn't expect them to.

In progress. Listen to my gut feel and intuition more. I have spent most of my life conforming to norms and traditions that were not aligned to who I am. “Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts”, indeed.

In progress. Make my life simpler. One of my close friends made a remark that I like to make my life unnecessarily complicated. I have always had this desire to prove myself, that I am better than everyone else, an attitude passed on from my father. I have always felt that I had to prove how smart I am by excelling at things a layman would consider complicated.

Completed. Stop being a people pleaser. This sprung from the realization that being a people pleaser was a sign of a lack of self respect.

In progress. Take things as they come. Being a control freak can be quite draining.

In progress. Make the best of the opportunities that are in front of me. In past, I often wasted time chasing the grandiose machinations of my overactive intuition, missing out on the more practical and sensible opportunities that were in front of me.

Completed. Throw away all those philosophy books I've accumulated over the years. Only my own intimate understanding of things really matter in the end.

In progress. Be more free. "Live in freedom and let others live in freedom", something a wise old woman told me that had a revelatory effect on me.

 

[Noon]

Settle on the perfect phonological systems for two of my current three conlangs. I have gotten the basic syntax far along enough, but it is much harder to find the perfect flow. Although this isn't very personal, is it.

Master the four tones of Mandarin. Self-explanatory? This came about only a week ago. I always thought tonal languages were to be avoided, but recently I've found how much fun they can be.

Try harder not to speak unless spoken to and hold back on participating unless openly asked or invited; minimize interaction with those who aren't close friends. This comes from wanting to break the chain of unpleasant social experiences.

Listen more to what others have to say. Try to have a deeper interest in the lives and goings-on of others. I want to finally do this because it makes others feel more acknowledged and appreciated, less unimportant and overlooked. It matters because the 'others' in question matter and I'd like them to know so.

Be warmer and more personal. I want to learn to give and receive warmth, communicate feelings of appreciation, and feel close instead of distant. I will accomplish this eventually.

 

[Unkindloving]

These are main ones for me. I'll likely get into lesser, more specific ones another time.

Regret Nothing:
Life happens and I realized early on that my decisions, at the time of them, were right for me. People regret things when they see the opposing side of situations or after the consequences. If people really felt the opposite about something, they would make the "right" decision from the start. Regret is beating a dead horse. I've determined that I can think "This could have gone differently" and still omit a lot of regret and dwelling.

Assess the Positive:
No situation is 100% bad. I refuse to believe it, no matter the argument. There is always something a situation can teach us or someone else. There is always a way that we are changed or benefited, either immediately or in the longrun. I choose to view the positive, because it helps me to learn and grow. It also keeps me from being caught up in that realm of regret and dwelling.

Accept Faults
I don't mean every fault, but the ones that don't adversly affect others and that the individual can accept of themselves. If you are down on yourself or others about faults, you are only proving to be a hindrance. To me, acceptance is the first step toward change. The fault may stay, but the viewpoint may alter. The fault itself may change. Either way, it is better to accept what is reasonable.

Maintain Individualist Life Standards
Everyone's life is their own. Living it to the fullest may range from climbing mountains and bungee jumping right down to sitting in cafes and drinking a glass of wine once a day. I've learned that my life standards are just as good as anyone else's. They don't need to be changed because other people want more or less than I do. Majority rule doesn't apply here, as long as it doesn't really impede on others. I don't want much out of life. I am no less a person for that and my life will be no less lived by my standards; the important standards.

Balance Self-Sacrifice and Self-Preservation
It's been in my nature to care too much or overextend myself to people. I still do this when I care enough. I will give everything I possibly can to the people I love and consider close. Recently, self-preservation has been taking over beyond basic interactions. A person must realize when they are important. A person must also realize when their importance can be compromised for others. There is a balance and it is in us to find that balance and hone it. It is also in us to determine what is worthy of either side.