[ENFJ] What are nice ENFJs like?

[miss fortune]

I've seriously never met a nice ENFJ! I do beleive that they exist out there, but the only ones I've met were rather horrid people (and not just in my opinion). Can someone please tell me what nice ENFJs are like?

 

[Domino]

I've seriously never met a nice ENFJ! I do beleive that they exist out there, but the only ones I've met were rather horrid people (and not just in my opinion). Can someone please tell me what nice ENFJs are like?

*sticks out hand* I'm Rio. I have an ass, but I'm not one! That's braggable!

 

[cascadeco]

I dated a nice ENFJ for a while; sure, he had his moments, but don't we all?


He was extremely warm, a wonderful listener, very caring and really wanting to help people out and help people 'be all that they can be' -- he's one of the few people who was really able to get me to open up; he was very safe to open up to, and he oozed with empathy.

And from a dating perspective -- a guy who actually *listens* to you deeply, and *asks good questions* -- is very rare!!!!! So he was attractive for both of these reasons. Most people don't take the time to really try to get to know me - or they don't know how to. He did.

 

[Totenkindly]

I've seriously never met a nice ENFJ! I do beleive that they exist out there, but the only ones I've met were rather horrid people (and not just in my opinion). Can someone please tell me what nice ENFJs are like?

What about L4BNU?
(And some others here?)

The loveliest ENFJ I knew in real life was a wonderful mom and did homeschooling. She dressed like a gypsy and was always in a positive mood. (I think she flipped from laughing to occasional anger, when justified, but she was never a downer.) She liked to laugh a great deal. But she was very low-key in her extroversion.

She was never fake. That is one thing I loved about her. She saw right through the smokescreens and lies most people put up, and her faith/spirituality was never false or pollyana-ish. She was very real and authentic and honest about how crummy it all can be sometimes. No pretenses.

She was a true actualizer of people, able to see the potential in someone and coax it out and make it blossom. She saw the potential in me, I know that much, and took me under her wing for the time we knew each other. I will never forget her.

(Ironically, she was also the one who first really introduced me to MBTI.)

 

[cascadeco]

She was very real and authentic and honest about how crummy it all can be sometimes. No pretenses.

This sounds exactly like the ENFJ I dated. In fact, he used some of those very words!! He was all about 'being real' and having 'real connections' with people. And he, too, fully acknowledged that sometimes things just suck, and that's life, and there's no avoiding it - but he was there for you during those times. He really wanted to help people out.

 

[Usehername]

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nt-blogs/2243-nt-nf-clothing-2.html#post67832

 

[runvardh]

I have a great aunt who has been a great help while I was a kid when it came to excessive family crap. One time my mother pulled a really stupid stunt while I was out and called me from the women's shelter to meet her there. I nearly had a panic attack, thankfully I was at a councellor session, but ended up conflicted as to whether to go to her or go back home where my step dad was. In the end I went to my great aunt's for the night and stayed with her for three days before going back home. It was another week after that before my mother came home bringing my siblings back. My little brother has since told me horror stories about that bit of family entertainment.

These days my great aunt still treats me like I'm that little lost kid, but it's nice that she still cares that much. Kind of makes the e-mail spam less of an annoyance, ^_^.

 

[substitute]

My local parish priest is ENFJ. He's one of the only people in my life who know the full story of who I am and where I come from, and he understands and listens and accepts me. He's loyal and always supportive of me, and a real force to have on my side that I'd often be lost without.

To begin with, there were some teething problems when we dealt with each other, but when we got to know each other and I realised he was just trying to care and he came to understand my background and realise where a lot of the mistakes I make come from... well, we compliment each other quite well.

Sometimes if I make a mistake in phrasing something a bit too bluntly, he comes to the rescue because he understands that I didn't mean any harm, and sorta 'translates' what I said and fixes things. I really look up to him and respect him, and I've been trying to use him as a role model to teach myself better 'manners'.

 

[CzeCze]

I've seriously never met a nice ENFJ! I do beleive that they exist out there, but the only ones I've met were rather horrid people (and not just in my opinion). Can someone please tell me what nice ENFJs are like?

I'm curious. What's so bad about the ENFJ's you have met? I have very limited experience interacting with known MBTI types in IRL so this would be illuminating.

 

[CzeCze]

Nevermind, I just saw the ENFJ 'rant' page. Must check out...

 

[Littlelostnf]

What about L4BNU?
(And some others here?)

The loveliest ENFJ I knew in real life was a wonderful mom and did homeschooling. She dressed like a gypsy and was always in a positive mood. (I think she flipped from laughing to occasional anger, when justified, but she was never a downer.) She liked to laugh a great deal. But she was very low-key in her extroversion.

She was never fake. That is one thing I loved about her. She saw right through the smokescreens and lies most people put up, and her faith/spirituality was never false or pollyana-ish. She was very real and authentic and honest about how crummy it all can be sometimes. No pretenses.

She was a true actualizer of people, able to see the potential in someone and coax it out and make it blossom. She saw the potential in me, I know that much, and took me under her wing for the time we knew each other. I will never forget her.

(Ironically, she was also the one who first really introduced me to MBTI.)

Thanks Jennifer

I absolutely think there are good ENFJ's out there. I don't often identify with the mostly awful things people write about ENFJ (but then again why would I want to) So many times I want to respond with "that's not me" then I think you know LLNF you know you do this or that (on the negative side even if it's not as extreme) and perhaps someone experienced only this part of the ENFJ they know and what's the point of trying to tell them "that's not what an ENFJ is all about" I think we're alot less likely to try to save our reps than some other types..or even care to much what most people think if we know we're trying to be the best person we can be. I think an ENFJ is more likely to think...maybe they have a point and try to see where a change within themselves might be necessary...

What say you other ENFJ's here.

 

[Usehername]

When ENFJs aren't immature ENFJs, they are like a light outside in the middle of the night: all types of bugs gravitate toward them. They can't help it; they're that attracted to the light.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

They are fantastic. They only ever emotionally manipulate you for your own good, and they do it with superb discretion. I almost fell in love with an ENFJ who I found entirely unattractive (physically) just because she was such an awesome person.

 

[substitute]

They are fantastic. They only ever emotionally manipulate you for your own good, and they do it with superb discretion. I almost fell in love with an ENFJ who I found entirely unattractive (physically) just because she was such an awesome person.

I've done the same with an INFP

 

[miss fortune]

Thanks! Now I don't dread meeting other ENFJs as much! I really do beleive that the one I know best is the worst one in the entire world!

 

[proteanmix]

Good goodness!

Are ENFJs really perceived as duplicitous manipulators?? I'm being totally serious! To even ask if any nice ENFJs exist is crazy to me! Why don't you go around poking ENFJs with sharp sticks to see if we react like other humans?

...I think we're alot less likely to try to save our reps than some other types..or even care to much what most people think if we know we're trying to be the best person we can be. I think an ENFJ is more likely to think...maybe they have a point and try to see where a change within themselves might be necessary...

What say you other ENFJ's here.

Yes, I agree. Firstly, I think to myself, this person has never met me I can't get offended by what they're saying. If someone is complaining about ENFJ behavior and I can see that I have that problem myself then I check myself, I ask people who know me, "do I do X behavior"? I can't go around apologizing for every screwed up ENFJ everyone has met in their life, nor can I let people on an internet forum (and I like most of you here) dictate who I am and wreck my self-esteem and have me so self-conscious about the way I interact with people that I'm useless. If I can see a person's trenchant in their belief about something and absolutely refuses to budge, then why should I waste my brain cells and breathe on them?

Secondly, I don't try to live up to any ENFJ description because it's impossible. No one is that good. As far as those that know about MBTI goes I don't want people to think I'm going to be someone's savior, motivate them, help them become actualized, or say just the right thing at the right time and make everything well. That's too much pressure. I'm doing all I can do to keep me functional.

No one is the exemplar of any type. And like LLNF said, who would admit to being a complete jerk? Simple statistics and life experiences tell me that 1 out of 10 people (am I being generous?) isn't right upstairs or plays some kind of game. Why would ENFJs be exempt from this? Why would people expect ENFJs to be exempt?

 

[miss fortune]

I've only known 2 or 3 ENFJs in the past and they were so incredibly bossy and forceful that I had a horrible urge to run them down with my car! I knew for sure that not all ENFJs could be like that and wanted to know exactly what to look for if I wanted to meet a nice ENFJ!

And who would admit to being a complete jerk? Me

 

[proteanmix]

I've only known 2 or 3 ENFJs in the past and they were so incredibly bossy and forceful that I had a horrible urge to run them down with my car! I knew for sure that not all ENFJs could be like that and wanted to know exactly what to look for if I wanted to meet a nice ENFJ!

And who would admit to being a complete jerk? Me

But you apologized so nicely to INTJmom for cursing. You can't be that much of a jerk.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm actually nicer when highly stressed out than usual!

 

[proteanmix]

I'm actually nicer when highly stressed out than usual!

Those ENFJs probably needed insulin daily.

No all, ENFJs aren't bad although I'm working hard on increasing my sinister quotient.