[ISFJ] Unusual silent treatment

[Sally111]

Hello everyone I'm a little taken aback by my ISFJ partner of 5 years & hope that you can help me with your insight

Due to the long distance we can't hug it out for now and are limited in little actions of affection which would help the situation.

It started with a friendly and genuine email in which I explained how little words of affection did wonders for me. He apprectiated it and over the weeks our conversations went on, but my message seemed forgotten.

When I mentioned it he reacted annoyed and it turned into a 5 day silent treatment.
I sent a photo of a family get together,just to let him know everyone was thinking of him. He didn't respond,but I knew he needed some time to himself so I let him be.

Today I got a family video of his with a neutral comment. I'm glad he seems to be doing better. However the sudden cut of communication for several days has never occured before and I would be very hurt if it happened again.

1. How can I have a constructive conversation about a serious issue (only if absolutely needed) without him avoiding me? I keep in mind that everyone has something that makes them deeply uncomfortable.

2. What would an ISFJ expect after getting back in touch? I catch myself being a little guarded due to the unusual behavior.

3. How can I be supportive while making clear that another days long silent treatment would greatly shake my trust?

Thank you for taking time

 

[Luminous]

I have no advice, but wanted to say Welcome to the forum.

 

[Frosty]

My philosophy has always been that- you can only do the best you can do. If someone wants to give you the silent treatment, well, thats on them. Everyone needs space sometimes to work out their feelings so I usually can understand the necessity of the silent treatment sometimes- but I guess what my advice is is... dont take it personally.

If it really bothers you talk to him and tell him how you feel. Communication is always a good thing.

Sorry I dont hve better advice. I know this hurts and it sucks- but Id just say that you are there when hes ready to talk and then try to put it out of your mind. Its hard when its someone you care about but... lots of times I feel thats all you can do.

Sorry this advice isnt super great. But yeah. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Abcdenfp]

i used to do this but have come to realize its unhealthy, i would punish / push away the person by creating a void with silent treatment. My ISTP was really affected by it and his response was so out of the norm that i had to take a step back and look at it , its a kind of cruel punishment and can feel abusive, now when i go silent he will persist and reminds me not to shut him out and i snap out of it. i trust him tremendously. he doesnt let me get away with stuff like that anymore , even when i self sabatoge he is standing at top of the hole with a hand to help me up.


i think it is totally normal to feel a bit guarded after that experience and hurt, but i would address it right away, its a protection mechanism but doesnt make it right. start with your point three and then ask how he likes to communicate and address difficult issues moving forward.

Hello everyone I'm a little taken aback by my ISFJ partner of 5 years & hope that you can help me with your insight Due to the long distance we can't hug it out for now and are limited in little actions of affection which would help the situation. It started with a friendly and genuine email in which I explained how little words of affection did wonders for me. He apprectiated it and over the weeks our conversations went on, but my message seemed forgotten. When I mentioned it he reacted annoyed and it turned into a 5 day silent treatment. I sent a photo of a family get together,just to let him know everyone was thinking of him. He didn't respond,but I knew he kneeded some time to himself so I let him be. Today I got a family video of his with a neutral comment. I'm glad he seems to be doing better. However the sudden cut of communication for several days has never occured before and I would be very hurt if it happened again. 1. How can I have a constructive conversation about a serious issue (only if absolutely needed) without him avoiding me? I keep in mind that everyone has something that makes them deeply uncomfortable. 2. What would an ISFJ expect after getting back in touch? I catch myself being a little guarded due to the unusual behavior. 3. How can I be supportive while making clear that another days long silent treatment would greatly shake my trust? Thank you for taking time

 

[Sally111]

Thank you Luminous, Frosty and Abcdenfp for both your warm welcome and advice.

I understand that certain issues can be overwhelming and that your mind needs a little time to process. Since it is the first time I think he didn't see any other way to either get some quiet or show that he does't feel understood.

You know I would like to write him that I am here when he is ready.

But after reading through endless posts ISFJ
either need absolute peace and quiet in order to process without being pressured into maintaining contact

or

expect the person to recognize their need and figure out what is hurting them in order to show you care.

I am saddened that I can't seem to make him feel understood.We are talking about a truly genuine person. I am an ENFP that still has some blind spots and is grateful for any insight.

 

[Luminous]

Thank you Luminous, Frosty and Abcdenfp for both your warm welcome and advice.

I understand that certain issues can be overwhelming and that your mind needs a little time to process. Since it is the first time I think he didn't see any other way to either get some quiet or show that he does't feel understood.

You know I would like to write him that I am here when he is ready.

But after reading through endless posts ISFJ
either need absolute peace and quiet in order to process without being pressured into maintaining contact

or

expect the person to recognize their need and figure out what is hurting them in order to show you care.

I am saddened that I can't seem to make him feel understood.We are talking about a truly genuine person. I am an ENFP that still has some blind spots and is grateful for any insight.

If I were you, I'd just try to be completely honest. Say that you are here, but are not pressuring him to respond before he's ready. And that you are confused, and don't understand the situation. Sorry you've only gotten NFP advice. Hey, ISFJs, where are you? I do have an ISFJ friend who has been very hurt at not being responded to; I think it was more of a reversed situation.

 

[Sally111]

Thank you Luminous, your suggestion is just as much appreciated

It is exactly what I would do, which is what makes me nervous as it has not gotten me far lately. I'm quite embarrassed to be this clueless about what my person needs.

As I was about to type I got very nervous.I fear it will somehow indicate that using the silent treatment is an acceptable / effective communication tool. Could I blame him for using it again if it had gotten a reaction?

I really feel for your friend. Not showing it and try to live my everyday life, but it comes close to being physical pain.

For a moment I thought of sending him a link to this forum. Personally I'd be pleasantly surprised if someone tried to understand me a little better. Unfortunately,apart from having taken the test, he is not keen on reading into mbti.

 

[LilAbner]

Sally111, This is my very first post.
I am an ISFJ and an Enneagram type 6. I am not sure if your friend is also a 6, but as I understand MBTI and Enneagram correlation, there may be a very good chance he is also... I've done more research on my Enneagram type then my MBTI and relate to most of the research I have found on type 6. As a 6, I recognize that we absolutely cannot handle being told we've done something wrong. If someone gets upset with me for something I should have know better not to do or to do, I can unravel. In the past, the silent treatment worked not only as a punishment for the other person, but was my motive of trying to keep from an emotional outburst. Sixes tend to be reactive. Usually, within a few days I could come back around and be a civil companion. It's a crazy way to live and I'm relieved to have found the enneagram to help me understand my motives and self correct. I am not sure most sixes would be able to articulate the real reason for the anger in many situations, so learning about your Enneagram type can really help. It basically comes down to our fears. If we are reactive and angry, it's usually because we are afraid. So, why the fear or what's to fear in your situation? For me, if I were your friend, it would have been the fear that I was not being supportive; basically being told I was not doing my proper DUTY as a significant other/friend. You had already told me once before how to be more supportive and now you have to tell me again because I forgot. Fear and duty are the two buzz words in the life of a six - whether they recognize them or not. When it comes down to it, I am always more angry at myself than I am the other person, but in the past could not see this as the reality of most situations. As 6's we often do the exact thing we are most afraid of doing - pushing our loved ones away.
Before my enneagram research and self exploration, given a few days, I may have been able to be confronted, talk about the situation, apologize and move on. However, if I was still in that irrational angry phase, the situation could have been compounded by telling me that I hurt them immensely by the silent treatment. Again, telling me I did something else wrong. So sorry to say, you may have to tread very lightly and reassure him you are still a support structure through thick and thin.
Fortunately, I am married to a 3 (ENTJ) who can read me very easily, continually reassures me our relationship is on solid ground, and has been patient with me for 29 years! He has always known I was a fearful person with a big heart even when I would have argued endlessly concerning my fearlessness and lack of caring(I am a counter phobic 6).
If your loved one is a 6, I hope this has been helpful.
If he is not a 6, my apologies for the ramble.

And yes, Luminous' reply was spot on. Reassure and not pressure!!

 

[Sally111]

Hi LilAbner, thank you for your thorough reply and welcome from newbie to newbie Though I don't know if he is a six,I took in every word.
It does sound familar, criticism and conflict is avoided in order to keep up the peace.
This big problem that was swept under the rug before, sadly always reappears. And hits us both.

He puts tremendous thought into everything he does, always calculating how his actions effect the people around. It means being strict with yourself and I assume it takes a good amount of energy. Would you avoid criticism because it often leads to conflict which is incredibly draining?

I think he fears that it might all become too much.We yearn to be understood,especialy by our partners. Informing myself on the ISFJ is like saving up for a pair of much needed glasses.

I'm happy you have a partner who truly gets you LilAbner
It feels good getting so much insight from all of you. Thank you

 

[tinker683]

Hello!



Male ISFJ here

Hello everyone I'm a little taken aback by my ISFJ partner of 5 years & hope that you can help me with your insight

Due to the long distance we can't hug it out for now and are limited in little actions of affection which would help the situation.

It started with a friendly and genuine email in which I explained how little words of affection did wonders for me. He apprectiated it and over the weeks our conversations went on, but my message seemed forgotten.

When I mentioned it he reacted annoyed and it turned into a 5 day silent treatment.
I sent a photo of a family get together,just to let him know everyone was thinking of him. He didn't respond,but I knew he needed some time to himself so I let him be.

Today I got a family video of his with a neutral comment. I'm glad he seems to be doing better. However the sudden cut of communication for several days has never occured before and I would be very hurt if it happened again.

Oy vey. Red flags abound already! I'll answer your questions and then add my own thoughts/comments/questions among them

1. How can I have a constructive conversation about a serious issue (only if absolutely needed) without him avoiding me? I keep in mind that everyone has something that makes them deeply uncomfortable.

By telling him exactly that. Tell him there is something on you're mind, you'd like to chat with him about it when he has a chance, and then when you do, tell him how him giving you the silent treatment makes you feel and that if he has a problem with you, about anything he needs to talk it out with you.

I used to engage in the silent treatment with my INFP-ex but that's because it was a mutually emotionally abusive relationship and I would go for a few days without talking to her because it was the only way I would feel any sense of control after she would ignore me or dismiss me. I learned after we broke up why this was destructive and self-defeating (more on that later)

2. What would an ISFJ expect after getting back in touch? I catch myself being a little guarded due to the unusual behavior.

A normal, healthy ISFJ would expect exactly what you want to give him: Affection! You're being guarded is the logical result of his withholding.

3. How can I be supportive while making clear that another days long silent treatment would greatly shake my trust?

This question lacks some context (Why and what are you being supportive about? Your OP didn't state why you were apartment right now and why he needs your support. I'm assuming some sort of family tragedy) but to start with: He needs to knock this shit the hell off yesterday. The 'silent treatment' is a form of whats called, "withholding" and it's an emotionally abusive and manipulation tactic. It causes your partner to feel like they're walking on egg shells around you and that they need to be careful of what they say and what they do, lest you disappear on them (which is why you're feeling guarded). Your partner can't ever safe and secure around you if he or she is constantly worrying that you're going to vanish on them for whatever reason.

As I mentioned earlier, your post lacked a lot of context but generally speaking I can think of a few reasons why he's behaving the way he is:

A) Things between you two are a lot rockier than you let on in your OP and his withholding is a symptom of larger problems with the relationship itself which needs to get addressed.

B) He's got issues that he isn't resolving and he's taking them out on you. To that I would say, you and he need to have a serious sit down about mutual respect and conflict resolution. You're his partner, not his emotional punching bag. You're a team, facing life's challenges together and you need to know that he always has your back and vice versa and his withholding erodes that trust, and you deserve better than this. He needs to come to grips with whatever he's going through, or he's going to lose you, because sticking around with someone who is going to keep making you feel like you don't matter isn't good for you..

C) Both.

I hope you two can work things out. Things with my INFP-ex ended very, very badly and I'd hate to see that repeat itself.

 

[Sally111]

Hi Tinker683

Thank you for taking the time to answer thoroughly, I really appreciate your perspective.

You are right about silent treatments being a red flag,I have clearly expressed that it has shaken my trust and might do some serious damage if it were to happen again.

He understands, but explained himself by wanting to get away from my negative comments. My sudden negativity comes from losing my sense of security. Avoidance remains a problem and keeps us from archieving a true state of peace.

He prefers a temporary peace by bottling up issues, until it becomes too much. His way of dealing with problems is draining and makes me concerned, not just for our relationship,but for his well-being.

I understand his motivation: his urge to display a perfect image in front of the community he grew up in. One example is being cheerful, making jokes and actively listening during family dinners while being crushed on the inside. The same with close friends. Their perception of him is a superficial one, the easygoing helpful guy.

A while ago we had a conversation that keeps repeating in my head: he acknowledged that not even closer friends and family truly know his inner core. The pressure of upkeeping the perfect image now sometimes makes him want to pack a bag and disappear.
How can you stop when you have been doing it forever.Stopping would confuse/upset people and make them focus on him, which he feels very uncomfortable with.
The way he shields people from any displays of negative emotions made him develop an aversion to conflicts that might provoke them. Seemingly harmless discussions pose a threat.

I guess I had all this in mind when writing the word "support" earlier.

What ISFJs do for their loved ones and the effort they make to take everyone into account, it isn't appreciated as he makes it look all too easy. I don't want to watch him become isolated and burned out.

Surely he thinks he is the only person who functions like this, and therefore often feels out of place. Yet MBti would be a mere therory that doesn't interest him.

Did parts of yourself make you feel somewhat isolated before informing yourself about your personality type?

What would help you if you found yourself in this situation?

I am very sorry to hear you had to go through this, what a painful chapter. I do admire your willingness to share your experience and make others learn from it,though. It makes us more attuned with what we want and don't want.

Again, thank you for listening

 

[tinker683]

Hi Tinker683

Herrow!

Thank you for taking the time to answer thoroughly, I appreciate it.

But of course mon ami

You are right about silent treatments being a red flag,I have expressed that it has shaken my trust and might do some serious damage.

He explained his behaviour by wanting to get away from the subject of lacking communication.It remains a problem and keeps us from archieving a true state of peace.

See, this concerns me. His explanation is that he doesn't want to explain it. This isn't a problem that's going to go away, this is going to continue to be a thing. Whats frustrating is that I know this is a typical thought process among my type, just sweep it under the rug and it'll all work itself out somehow. Except it won't.

In order to keep temporary peace he will bottle up issues until it becomes too much. His way of dealing with problems is draining and makes me feel concerned, not just for our relationship,but for his well-being.

Justifiably so

It stems from his urge to display a perfect image in front of everyone. One example is being cheerful, making jokes and actively listening during family dinners while being crushed on the inside.

A while ago we had a conversation that has stayed with me eversince: he acknowledged that not even closer friends and family truly know his inner core. Always displaying the perfect image now sometimes makes him want to pack a bag and disappear.
The way he shields people from any displays of negative emotions made him develop an aversion to conflicts that might provoke them. Seemingly harmless discussions pose a threat.

I guess I had all this in mind when writing the word "support" earlier.

I can respect that, but surely he can see how self-defeating this is? If he's hiding who he really is and how he's really feeling, then the only thing the people around him are going to see is the facsimile that he wants people to see. People aren't getting to know him, they're getting to know a mask he's wearing.

Has he considering talking to anyone professional about this? I can't help but feel like there is a deeper issue here that this stems from.

I have an enormous respect for what ISFJs do for their loved ones and the effort they make to take everyone into account. I don't want to watch him become isolated and burned out.

I'm pretty sure he thinks he is the only person who functions like this, and therefore often feels out of place. Yet MBti would be a mere theory that doesn't interest him.

And that's truly unfortunately but his mode of thinking (as you've expressed it here) is practically a cliche. Real men keep their feelings bottled up, real men constantly show that they're strong and never show weakness. To this liberal-herbal-tea-drinking-ISFJ-millennial, that kind of thinking feels positively quaint

Did parts of yourself make you feel somewhat isolated before informing yourself about your personality type?

Well, I learned the hard way not to isolate myself long before I learned about my personality type. Learning about my type was a liberating experience, it gave structure to what I thought was either coincidence or pure chance, but it didn't effect my feelings of isolation one way or the other. Therapy did that.

What would help you if you found yourself in this situation?

The only time I ever found myself truly isolating myself or my feelings was when I was extremely depressed. The first time that happened, I did two stints in a mental hospital because of how suicidal I had become. The 2nd time was when things fell apart with my INFP-ex. I didn't want to cause drama with her or our circle of friends that she still hung around with so I moved out of town into a single wide all by myself for a year. I didn't really have any friends at the time because I pushed them all away because, like your boyfriend, I didn't want them to know how I was feeling. I didn't want them to see how devastated I was, and I didn't want to rock any boats and cause a lot of drama with this group.

But do you know what I discovered when you push a group of people away from you? They stay away from you. Not because they don't like you, but because they're doing exactly what you asked them to do.

My fear is that if he keeps pushing you away...you're going to eventually respect his wishes, and stay away, and he's going to deeply regret that.

I am very sorry to hear you had to go through this, it is a blow to the head. At the same time I admire your willingness to share your experience and make others learn from it. Again thank you for listening

You're quite welcome.

For the record: I know ISFJs, me especially, can sound very judgey and if I've given you the impression that I'm judgeing you or your boyfriend, I do apologize, I don't mean too. I have no doubt your boyfriend is a good guy and I applaud your strong desire to make this work and stand by him.

But my concern is that this isn't a battle you can fight for him, this is something he[/] has to do, and he can't DO that if he doesn't even try to face it. I don't know how much of a problem this is for you, but if he's not going to face it then you need to figure out if that's enough for you or not. If it is, then I wish you both the best but if it isn't....then I only forsee heartache in your future, and that sucks because you see like a really cool person.

He really ought to consider talking to a counselor or something. I think it would do him a lot of good.

 

[Sally111]

A very big thank you your way Today kind of sucks for all of Germany, but at least I got to look forward to yet another helpful answer.

More than I'd like to admit, I sometimes feel that this is bigger than the both of us.

Have decided to give him some space, because I don't think he is aware yet and I have tried to express myself in all ways possible. I hope the quiet will give him the needed distance to sort out certain things. Any call or serious message is appreciated, but reading upbeat happy ones that deflect from the issue is starting to become quite painful.
For now I remain the biggest stress factor and therefore be pushed away for a certain time,but all I want is peace for the both of us, the rug is a trap.

Yes, I'd like for him to talk about it with someone unbiased, but his stubbornness makes it wishful thinking. It would make him feel being out of control, ironic I know. He is the helping hand but rarely will accept one himself.

Fortunately, I don't have a macho kind of guy with dated attitudes. I assume he was shut down quite a bit whenever he opened up and over time being guarded became the engrained solution. Besides, it is hard to put his feelings into words. His family,as kind as can be, isn't an example for communication skills either.

I'm glad you realized what was being best for you and began therapy. Thank you for being so frank with your past, it shows again that adhering to ones vulnerable moments is a display of true strenght. And mental liberty. You can be proud.

It is possible depression plays a role. Or anxiety of always wanting control over everything.I noticed an excessive need for doing sports,perfect for alleviating stress and avoiding. You usually don't have serious talks being on a tennis court or bike. He admitted that sports keeps him from overthinking.

As much as I differ as an ENFP,retreating from friends and family during difficult times is very familiar to me. The difference is that the one person I will rely on is my partner. Showing vulnerability is a sign of trust and earns a lot of respect from my side.

For now I know that my approach to remain quiet is a first in our relationship,it might lead to something new.

No, please. I came here to learn about a personality type that I couldn't read and often misunderstood. Your replies and this forum in general helped me get a pair of much needed glasses, it feels that way. I feel more confident and understanding. Merci mon ami

If an ISFJ who feels misunderstood by a cared one reads this: often we don't mean ill, we need a guide because we function differently.

 

[tinker683]

A very big thank you your way Today kind of sucks for all of Germany, but at least I got to look forward to yet another helpful answer.

Why thank you! Sorry about the World Cup

More than I'd like to admit, I sometimes feel that this is bigger than the both of us.

Have decided to give him some space, because I don't think he is aware yet and I have tried to express myself in all ways possible. I hope the quiet will give him the needed distance to sort out certain things. Any call or serious message is appreciated, but reading upbeat happy ones that deflect from the issue is starting to become quite painful.
For now I remain the biggest stress factor and therefore be pushed away for a certain time,but all I want is peace for the both of us, the rug is a trap.

Yes, I'd like for him to talk about it with someone unbiased, but his stubbornness makes it wishful thinking. It would make him feel being out of control, ironic I know. He is the helping hand but rarely will accept one himself.

Fortunately, I don't have a macho kind of guy with dated attitudes. I assume he was shut down quite a bit whenever he opened up and over time being guarded became the engrained solution. Besides, it is hard to put his feelings into words. His family,as kind as can be, isn't an example for communication skills either.

I feel like you're being too hard on yourself here, it sounds to me like you're still holding yourself responsible in some way for his behavior. The fact that he has difficulty expressing himself is in no a commentary on you, it's just something about him.

I hope you two can work it out...but if you can't, then I'm glad at least that you are taking steps to take care of you.

I'm glad you realized what was being best for you and began therapy. Thank you for being so frank with your past, it shows again that adhering to ones vulnerable moments is a display of true strenght. And mental liberty. You can be proud.

Why thank you! I appreciate that

It is possible depression plays a role. Or anxiety of always wanting control over everything.I noticed an excessive need for doing sports,perfect for alleviating stress and avoiding. You usually don't have serious talks being on a tennis court or bike. He admitted that sports keeps him from overthinking.

As much as I differ as an ENFP,retreating from friends and family during difficult times is very familiar to me. The difference is that the one person I will rely on is my partner. Showing vulnerability is a sign of trust and earns a lot of respect from my side.

For now I know that my approach to remain quiet is a first in our relationship,it might lead to something new.

It's possible he has some deeper issues, I don't know. Your description of how he behaves is not at all that different than how a lot of American men behave and feel over here across the pond, and it's something we still struggle with today. As an ISFJ, I tend to gravitate towards a lot of characteristics that are typically defined as 'feminine' which have in some instances have created misunderstanding or hostility from my males peers.

No, please. I came here to learn about a personality type that I couldn't read and often misunderstood. Your replies and this forum in general helped me get a pair of much needed glasses, it feels that way. I feel more confident and understanding. Merci mon ami

If an ISFJ who feels misunderstood by a cared one reads this: often we don't mean ill, we need a guide because we function differently.

Well I'm glad I could help in someway.

Best wishes to you

 

[chubber]

Hello everyone I'm a little taken aback by my ISFJ partner of 5 years & hope that you can help me with your insight

Due to the long distance we can't hug it out for now and are limited in little actions of affection which would help the situation.

It started with a friendly and genuine email in which I explained how little words of affection did wonders for me. He apprectiated it and over the weeks our conversations went on, but my message seemed forgotten.

When I mentioned it he reacted annoyed and it turned into a 5 day silent treatment.
I sent a photo of a family get together,just to let him know everyone was thinking of him. He didn't respond,but I knew he needed some time to himself so I let him be.

Today I got a family video of his with a neutral comment. I'm glad he seems to be doing better. However the sudden cut of communication for several days has never occured before and I would be very hurt if it happened again.

1. How can I have a constructive conversation about a serious issue (only if absolutely needed) without him avoiding me? I keep in mind that everyone has something that makes them deeply uncomfortable.

2. What would an ISFJ expect after getting back in touch? I catch myself being a little guarded due to the unusual behavior.

3. How can I be supportive while making clear that another days long silent treatment would greatly shake my trust?

Thank you for taking time

I would say a relationship like this one needs lots of time, and you already have 5 years under the belt so to speak. I guess in a relationship like this, it will seem like there is always something that happens that causes it to slip. Where things have to reset and get going again. But if I understand it correctly, it will always be from the ISFJ that believes it is worth sticking around. So, perhaps he just needs to regroup? my guess.

 

[Sally111]

Hi Chubber, thank you for your post

Time and patience.

I must admit there are moments where I want to overlook all of it and play along. Then I get this weight on my shoulders and realize what we bottle up now will reappear to bite us.

I hope he knows that he doesn't need to offer a solution, just acknowledge that it's not a good approach.
And take this time to regroup.

As much as an ISFJ might be willed to stick around, I fear it can turn into passiveness where the problem either goes away or you let things flow. I'd like to reassure him during the progress, but it is difficult when trying to make a point.

 

[Sally111]

Also I'd like to thank the person who wrote me and offered to ask an ISFJ friend for their opinion, it briefly showed up in the notifications and now I can't find it and feel Very sweet, thank you!

 

[Obfuscate]

tinker's perspective on this is nearly the same as mine... the behavior speaks to a larger issue (i suspect depression of some kind), and is "abusive" regardless of if he is fully aware of it or not... i also agree that this is likely a "him" problem and doesn't stem directly from what you are or are not doing... the best you can do is explain the nature and impact of his behavior, encourage him to talk to a professional if he is unable/unwilling to resolve this, and to be patient/firm about what is or is not acceptable... you can't really push past this behavior and make him talk (trying will bring negative results), but you can express your opinions of it...

 

[Sally111]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Obfuscate

Well, he had to change professions a little while ago. I was as supportive as possible,a lot happens internally though. Like you said, pushing for a talk won't do any good. But the transition went smooth and his urge to serve and have a positive impact goes well with being a teacher. I have made clear how proud I am and he seems content.

Maybe he feels pressured by my expectations when it comes to communication. Can't shake off that something doesn't seem right and he keeps insisting all is good...You can nodd, question your judgement or show that you disagree.I stand firm that something needs to change, it's not healthy.

I'd like to encourage opening up without pushing, it remains difficult to find the right way.

 

[Luminous]

Also I'd like to thank the person who wrote me and offered to ask an ISFJ friend for their opinion, it briefly showed up in the notifications and now I can't find it and feel Very sweet, thank you!

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