trust first, relationship first ?

[INTJMom]

I heard something new. It made a lot of sense, and I was just wondering how true people here thought it might be for themselves. This is from DISC theory.

I have two sets of questions since some people are unsure or not positive of their type.
If you're 90% + sure of your type, you can answer in the I'm sure category.
That's enough guidance.


Premise:
NTs and NFs are task-oriented.
SJs and SPs are people-oriented.

This is the point in question:
Theory:
Task-oriented people begin with trust first, and then build a relationship.
People-oriented people begin with a relationship first, and then build trust.

This is very true for me, and I was just wondering if there was a large majority of people here who could also say it is true for themselves.

Edited to add:
There is disagreement about the correctness of the premise. Be that as it may, I still find it interesting to know that:
Some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.

 

[Seanan]

I'm sure I'm task-oriented, and I begin with trust first, then relationship.

Although, I must say that some degree of "relationship" is required for a comfortable degree of trust... circular I know but observation can only accomplish so much.

 

[Totenkindly]

Premise:
NTs and NFs are task-oriented.
SJs and SPs are people-oriented.

I'm not sure why these distinctions were chosen, do you have more info on why?

It's more likely that T's are task-oriented and F's are people-oriented. (That distinction shows up a LOT.)

SJs also can be very task-oriented. It's the Fe/Te predominating. Fe is personal but is also distanced a bit from "intimate" (like Fi is), so it can result in being task-oriented in appearance. (I.e., they like doing things that are helpful to others, but ISJs don't necessarily like to interact with others directly to help them).

 

[Jae Rae]

My ENTP friend once told me he has a high level of trust, which seems to fit the model. He's definitely task-oriented.

Jae Rae

 

[INTJMom]

I'm not sure why these distinctions were chosen, do you have more info on why?

It's more likely that T's are task-oriented and F's are people-oriented. (That distinction shows up a LOT.)

SJs also can be very task-oriented. It's the Fe/Te predominating. Fe is personal but is also distanced a bit from "intimate" (like Fi is), so it can result in being task-oriented in appearance. (I.e., they like doing things that are helpful to others, but ISJs don't necessarily like to interact with others directly to help them).

Well, I agree with you. I have learned the same thing. I have the same questions, so I was just wondering how true it really was.

Here's some more info on the DISC types

Active/Task -oriented - NT
"D" - Dominating,
Directing, Demanding,
Determined, Decisive, Doing.
Basic Motivation: Challenge & Control

Passive/Task -oriented - NF
"C" - Cautious,
Competent, Calculating,
Compliant, Careful,
Contemplative.
Basic Motivation: Quality & Correctness

Active/People -oriented - SP
"I" - Inspiring,
Influencing, Inducing,
Impressing, Interactive,
Interested in people.
Basic Motivation: Recognition & Approval

Passive/People -oriented - SJ
"S" - Steady,
Stable, Shy,
Security-oriented,
Servant, Submissive,
Specialist
Basic Motivation: Stability & Support


Additionally, equivalences were made to the LaHaye (since I noticed you mentioned them once) types, and I translated them into MBTT types.
(Choleric) D-type, (Sanguine) I-type, (Phlegmatic) S-type, and (Melancholy) C-type.
(Note: Keirsey is wrong.)

 

[INTJMom]

 

[redacted]

Premise:
NTs and NFs are task-oriented.
SJs and SPs are people-oriented.

i'm ridiculously people-oriented. i suck at tasks.

i'm people oriented, and i trust everyone first. relationships come way later.

 

[Kaleidoscope]

I am going to question the source of this information and the conclusions they came to. I am INFP and I know many other INFPs and all of them, including myself, would fit better in the "S" category than the "C" category. One of the reasons we are INFP is because of our ability to understand people so well and, while we can be task-oriented when we want to be or when it is important to us, it's the people side of us that truly make us INFP, rather than some other type (it's why possible careers for INFPs list counseling instead of accounting).

However, as for the actual poll, I think it's a little off as well. While I require trust to form a serious relationship, I also require some sort of a relationship before I start developing some trust. I certainly won't pour my heart out on the first date, but I also won't get in a serious relationship without having a lot of trust. So is this asking me about serious relationships? One-time flings? Just general? I really can't give a real answer with what little I was given. It needs to be more specific for me otherwise I think too much into it.

 

[alcea rosea]

Premise:
NTs and NFs are task-oriented.
SJs and SPs are people-oriented.

I'm NF and certainly people oriented.

 

[INTJMom]

I am going to question the source of this information and the conclusions they came to. I am INFP and I know many other INFPs and all of them, including myself, would fit better in the "S" category than the "C" category. One of the reasons we are INFP is because of our ability to understand people so well and, while we can be task-oriented when we want to be or when it is important to us, it's the people side of us that truly make us INFP, rather than some other type (it's why possible careers for INFPs list counseling instead of accounting).

However, as for the actual poll, I think it's a little off as well. While I require trust to form a serious relationship, I also require some sort of a relationship before I start developing some trust. I certainly won't pour my heart out on the first date, but I also won't get in a serious relationship without having a lot of trust. So is this asking me about serious relationships? One-time flings? Just general? I really can't give a real answer with what little I was given. It needs to be more specific for me otherwise I think too much into it.

:hi: Welcome to the forum. I like your avatar.

Looking at the S description, it is kind of vague. I have studied the Basic Four profiles quite a bit. As a matter of fact, I knew about the basic four long before I had heard of MBTT. Sorry for the lame description, but in my opinion NF is most accurately portrayed as the "C" type. It's just not as obvious when you're looking at those descriptions. Also, they are lumping all NFs into one category and we all know how different INFP, ENFP, INFJ AND ENFJ can really be from each other. Sorry, it's not as precise as you would like.

Just think of the question concerning a relationship where trust is eventually helpful or required: business partner, doctor/patient, teacher/student, employer/employee, acquaintance/close friend, etc.

 

[INTJMom]

I'm NF and certainly people oriented.

Okay, so the premise seems flawed.

Or maybe the equivalences are flawed.

 

[INTJMom]

As far as the poll goes for me, I am not people-oriented at all. I am more task-minded.

As far as trust goes, I must believe you and trust you first, before I will develop a relationship with you.

A person typically only has a few moments of being scrutinized by my Ni before I've decided whether I can trust them or not. That said, I tend to trust readily.

You have to do something bad to make me not trust you. Once a person has lost my trust, it's harder for them to gain it back again, depending on how bad the "bad thing" was.

 

[INTJMom]

Some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.

Some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.

Want to talk about that?
I find that itself to be fascinating insight!

 

[Seanan]

Just think of the question concerning a relationship where trust is eventually helpful or required: business partner, doctor/patient, teacher/student, employer/employee, acquaintance/close friend, etc.

If this is OT, just let me know and I'll delete.

Clarifying the relationships makes me wonder something and I don't know where else to ask. How does the "N" operate in this? I'm a, normally, more logical person when assessing trust but thinking about some of these relationship instances, I, definitely, use something else. Its more of a "sixth sense" right on meeting and I'm seldom wrong as has been proven later.

 

[INTJMom]

If this is OT, just let me know and I'll delete.

Clarifying the relationships makes me wonder something and I don't know where else to ask. How does the "N" operate in this? I'm a, normally, more logical person when assessing trust but thinking about some of these relationship instances, I, definitely, use something else. Its more of a "sixth sense" right on meeting and I'm seldom wrong as has been proven later.

This post I just posted at the same time as you addresses that, I think.
I think it's the N that we use to size up a person as it were.

As far as the poll goes for me, I am not people-oriented at all. I am more task-minded.

As far as trust goes, I must believe you and trust you first, before I will develop a relationship with you.

A person typically only has a few moments of being scrutinized by my Ni before I've decided whether I can trust them or not. That said, I tend to trust readily.

You have to do something bad to make me not trust you. Once a person has lost my trust, it's harder for them to gain it back again, depending on how bad the "bad thing" was.

 

[Kaleidoscope]

:hi: Welcome to the forum. I like your avatar.

Looking at the S description, it is kind of vague. I have studied the Basic Four profiles quite a bit. As a matter of fact, I knew about the basic four long before I had heard of MBTT. Sorry for the lame description, but in my opinion NF is most accurately portrayed as the "C" type. It's just not as obvious when you're looking at those descriptions. Also, they are lumping all NFs into one category and we all know how different INFP, ENFP, INFJ AND ENFJ can really be from each other. Sorry, it's not as precise as you would like.

Just think of the question concerning a relationship where trust is eventually helpful or required: business partner, doctor/patient, teacher/student, employer/employee, acquaintance/close friend, etc.

Thank you for the welcome.

Qualities I hold in the C category are bolded (where I was placed):

"C" - Cautious,
Competent, Calculating,
Compliant, Careful,
Contemplative.
Basic Motivation: Quality & Correctness

Qualities I hold in the S category are bolded:

"S" - Steady,
Stable, Shy,
Security-oriented,
Servant, Submissive,
Specialist
Basic Motivation: Stability & Support

Now I'll go through my fiance's qualities that line up (keep in mind that he is an ESTJ, the complete opposite of me).

Qualities he holds in the C category are bolded:

"C" - Cautious,
Competent, Calculating,
Compliant, Careful,
Contemplative.
Basic Motivation: Quality & Correctness

Qualities he holds in the S category are bolded (where he would be placed):

"S" - Steady,
Stable, Shy,
Security-oriented,
Servant, Submissive,
Specialist
Basic Motivation: Stability & Support

I think these are flipped...

Also, each of those situations you listed would require a different approach to relationship and trust so that really doesn't help any.

 

[alcea rosea]

I had to add here that it's relationship first for me then trust. Usually.

 

[The Ü™]

I was so tempted to click "I am so tempted to try and skew your results!"

But alas, I didn't.

 

[substitute]

I've noticed that whenever debates are had about trusting people's motives (a large part of what stops some people from letting people 'in'), the argument tends to split into two sides:

People to whom one has to prove oneself before trust is given; "always potentially guilty". They might really like you, but they will take a long time before they trust you enough to believe you genuinely like/care about them.

People who give benefit of the doubt by default; "innocent until proven guilty". They may not necessarily like you or respect you, but they give a basic level of trust as standard, gratis.

The first group tends to be dominated by people with introverted perceiving functions, extraverted judging functions and dominant Fi. The second group, people with extraverted perceiving functions and Ti.

It seems to me that Ne and Se are trusting functions while Ni and Si - but especially Ni - are untrusting ones. Perhaps dominant Fi, due to its intense vulnerability and sensitivity, often counterbalances the 'auto-trust' default of Ne in the INFP.

But don't forget the ENTP - the ambivert - Both task and people oriented! ("my task is people/people are my task")

 

[INTJMom]

Thank you for the welcome.

Qualities I hold in the C category are bolded (where I was placed):
...
I think these are flipped...

Also, each of those situations you listed would require a different approach to relationship and trust so that really doesn't help any.

Thank you for helping me to see the flaws in my poll.
Would you like to just discuss how you feel about developing trust vs developing relationship first?

Generally speaking, some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.
I'm very interested to see what other people think about this concept.