[NF] The NF Males' List of Deal Breakers (Rip off)

[MacGuffin]

And besides I was gonna just ram a baseball bat up there.

Well I've hit my creepy posts quota for the day.

 

[Phoenix_400]

still don't see a need to discriminate based on mental health.

You're awfully sensitive about this subject aren't you? If someone were 'discriminating' against mental illness it would be more like, "Oh, you've got bi-polar disorder....stay the hell away from me".
As I said, its not the mental illness itself, its how the person is handling it. If they're handling it poorly, the illness is still the root cause, and its something that has to be factored into the equation. 1.) What's the illness? 2.) How does it manifest? 3.) Is the person seeking help? 4.) How well are they handling it? Its not the 'be all, end all', its simply one of several factors that have to be accounted for.

Bi-polar disorder and depression run fairly strong in my family. I've struggled with depression since my early teenage years to the point of going on medication before (where we discovered that SSRI's do very BAD things to me). I decided to take the longer, harder road and get off the medication (its not worth risking having another....reaction...like I had on the Celexa). Working on behavioral and lifestyle changes and I've put a lot of effort into learning new coping techniques. Its working wonders, though I still hit the occasional rough patch.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there's two members of my family who refuse to seek real help, blame everyone else, have the maturity of a maladjusted teenager(and they're physically in their mid-40's), and choose to supplement their psych meds with copious amounts of weed and/or meth.

Honestly, I can see your point, but I think you've missed mine somewhat and you seem very sensitive about this subject. If you'd like to contact me over PM, maybe we can hash this out a bit.

Heh, everyone seems to have some kind of crusade, and yet I couldn't think of one if I tried. Everything I think about just hits the reality wall and I wonder how reasonable it really is. What's the point anymore?

There's always something worth fighting for. The problem a lot of Idealists suffer from is that we see how it should be and try to skip over reality in our pursuit of the ideal (guilty of that in the past). The trick about it is to realize that you have to THROUGH reality, you can't just work AROUND it. When reality attacks, adjust fire and keep pushing the objective.

One thing that was a hard realization for me was about how slow changes are to take effect. If you've got an ideal that's on the level of needing major changes (and/or raising awareness)in society to achieve, you've got to buckle down for the long haul. People are always resistant to change. Its generally up to us to plant the seed, water the flower, and teach the next generation how to care for the garden. You may not see something come to pass in your lifetime, but you can see it get a good start and have hope for the future. Gotta be the river, man. Flow steady, patient, and strong, smooth the rocks and erode the shores until you've made your own path.

Did I go too deep?

 

[Salomé]

Well I've hit my creepy posts quota for the day.

You just wish you'd thought of it first.

 

[MacGuffin]

You just wish you'd thought of it first.

I am humbled by true practitioners of the art.

 

[runvardh]

D: No! Maybe you're depressed

It's not a maybe.

There's always something worth fighting for. The problem a lot of Idealists suffer from is that we see how it should be and try to skip over reality in our pursuit of the ideal (guilty of that in the past). The trick about it is to realize that you have to THROUGH reality, you can't just work AROUND it. When reality attacks, adjust fire and keep pushing the objective.

One thing that was a hard realization for me was about how slow changes are to take effect. If you've got an ideal that's on the level of needing major changes (and/or raising awareness)in society to achieve, you've got to buckle down for the long haul. People are always resistant to change. Its generally up to us to plant the seed, water the flower, and teach the next generation how to care for the garden. You may not see something come to pass in your lifetime, but you can see it get a good start and have hope for the future. Gotta be the river, man. Flow steady, patient, and strong, smooth the rocks and erode the shores until you've made your own path.

Did I go too deep?

I've already thought through all that; you forget, however, to adjust for societal entropy. A river may cut the landscape over tends to hundreds of thousands of years, but the landscape paves over it over the tens to hundreds of millions of years. There's deep, then there's taking more into account than your personal sphere.

 

[Phoenix_400]

I've already thought through all that; you forget, however, to adjust for societal entropy. A river may cut the landscape over tends to hundreds of thousands of years, but the landscape paves over it over the tens to hundreds of millions of years. There's deep, then there's taking more into account than your personal sphere.

Naw. All societies eventually fall. New ones rise. History repeats. Its all inevitable. Do what you can, while you can. Give it everything you've got and let the chips fall where they may. At least if it all goes bad, you can't say it was due to a lack of effort on your part.

LOL! Or maybe I'm just too damn stubborn to bow down and accept it. Who knows?

 

[Yloh]

I think I'm going to just remove the whole mental illness thing from my list. This tread was mainly made for fun and not meant to offend anybody.

I'm not saying mental illness is automatically a deal breaker. There are so many different kinds of mental illnesses out there and people handle them on many different ways. One person may be handling their bipolar disorder in a healthy way, while another person may be handling their bipolar disorder in a destructive way. I've been around and lived with people with bipolar, so this subject is not new to me.

Personally I believe anybody with a mental health issue needs to learn to deal with their issues in a healthy manner before they start a relationship. To broaden that, I believe EVERYBODY needs to be able to deal with their issues before they start a relationship. Too many people get into relationships believing their issues will go away and it only causes chaos in the end.

 

[runvardh]

Naw. All societies eventually fall. New ones rise. History repeats. Its all inevitable. Do what you can, while you can. Give it everything you've got and let the chips fall where they may. At least if it all goes bad, you can't say it was due to a lack of effort on your part.

LOL! Or maybe I'm just too damn stubborn to bow down and accept it. Who knows?

I've used up all my stubborn on survival.

 

[Resonance]

I think I'm going to just remove the whole mental illness thing from my list. This tread was mainly made for fun and not meant to offend anybody.

I'm not saying mental illness is automatically a deal breaker. There are so many different kinds of mental illnesses out there and people handle them on many different ways. One person may be handling their bipolar disorder in a healthy way, while another person may be handling their bipolar disorder in a destructive way. I've been around and lived with people with bipolar, so this subject is not new to me.

Personally I believe anybody with a mental health issue needs to learn to deal with their issues in a healthy manner before they start a relationship. To broaden that, I believe EVERYBODY needs to be able to deal with their issues before they start a relationship. Too many people get into relationships believing their issues will go away and it only causes chaos in the end.

Thanks, that's exactly what I was going for.

Just because someone's issues are with mental health doesn't automatically put them in a special category. Weight problems, digestive problems hi, diabetes, stressful career, invasive family members... all of it can be handled poorly or healthily. It's just that people associate poorly-handled mental health issues with... I don't know, sudden personality changes, or unpredictable behaviour, or something... which a) isn't really accurate, and b) even when it is, it isn't as much of a barrier as people imagine.

Maybe it's fear of the unknown?

 

[blomiki]

INFJ boyfriend has a INTJ best guy friend. What a STRANGE dynamic. Did you and your string of INTJ girls not have "no YOU show affection!!" - "no YOU show affection!!!" battles?? And lack of follow-up / making an effort... geesh. Though they both obviously want to hang out. They'd rather sit in their rooms moping than make a move to hang out. Do you think this is unique to what I've seen or did it apply to your romantic relationships too?

I attract SFJ best girl friends. Maybe it's cause my sister is SFJ.

 

[Phoenix_400]

I've used up all my stubborn on survival.

That's why I've got my own Fortress of Solitude. Gives me a place where I can rest and recuperate from the world, regroup my will, and get ready to come back at life with everything I've got.

It was a conscious decision on my part back in my teenage years when I was on the brink of suicide. I said, "Fuck you! I'm not gonna let Life beat me". She keeps tryin' me, got my back up against the ropes a few times and put me down on mat once or twice, but I always come back swingin.

Survive long enough and eventually you actually start Living again. Its never easy but as they say "Nothing worthwhile...."

 

[runvardh]

That's why I've got my own Fortress of Solitude. Gives me a place where I can rest and recuperate from the world, regroup my will, and get ready to come back at life with everything I've got.

It was a conscious decision on my part back in my teenage years when I was on the brink of suicide. I said, "Fuck you! I'm not gonna let Life beat me". She keeps tryin' me, got my back up against the ropes a few times and put me down on mat once or twice, but I always come back swingin.

Survive long enough and eventually you actually start Living again. Its never easy but as they say "Nothing worthwhile...."

I made that decision when I was 12, burnt through my teenage years with a vengence and graduated highschool with honors. After graduating from college, however, I lost my will for vision. I'm still no where near desiring to kill myself, but I feel like, in a way, I've already died. It's a strange feeling too...

 

[William K]

Naw. All societies eventually fall. New ones rise. History repeats. Its all inevitable. Do what you can, while you can. Give it everything you've got and let the chips fall where they may. At least if it all goes bad, you can't say it was due to a lack of effort on your part.

LOL! Or maybe I'm just too damn stubborn to bow down and accept it. Who knows?

Weird that I was just watching the video for the song "Land of Confusion" by Genesis last night, and the chorus of the song goes

"This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we're given
Use them and let's start trying
To make it a place worth living in"

Hilarious video too

 

[runvardh]

Deal breakers:
- intolerant of my interests (you don't have to like it, you don't have to participate in it)
- insistence on me only being at home when I'm not working (kitty is not indoor cat, deal with it)
- won't give me half an hour to check my e-mails (I can't read and listen at the same time, never mind adding talk to that list)
- refusal to unconditionally backup her standards by more than bitching (if you're helping, or helping to give me the time - cool)
- insistence on coming with me then bitching about being unable to keep up after I've lightened her load or the pace (I'll do many things to try to make you more comfortable, but if I can't enjoy my time out because you insisted on coming - not cool)
- unwilling to put effort into the relationship other than sex (as much as I like sex, it's only a facet of a healthy relationship)
- lack of any common ground (need glue please)
- hard drugs (not looking to go to jail or deal with the drama)
- smoking in the house (asthma and allergies)

Single offenses on rare occasions are acceptable, persistent repeat offenses get the frozen boot.

 

[Synapse]

i haven't thought about it as much as i would of thought. too tired today to say although i'll have to get back to this.

 

[jcloudz]

for a one nighter? meet the physical requirements

long term? goal oriented, kind hearted or have a showing of healthy attachments in their life signifying to me they are capable. intelligent, openminded and unconventional. physical takes back seat to these

 

[Bassai]

Let's mix that.

Must Have
Kind/Honesty/Understanding/Intelligence/humility
sense of humor
connect emotionally
loyalty
Ability to connect
Likes to cuddle
Be open to my vision
Has my physical preferences
Open mind
Love life
Willingness to try new things
Initiative
Like to dig

Extra Credit
Similar hobbies, interests, etc
Geek girl / Gamer girl
interested in expanding mind

Can Accept Depending on the Situation

Smokes
Divorced (Has to be a really good reason)

Deal Breaker

Missing something from my "Must Have" list
Obese
Really Stupid
STDs
Violent (Both to self and others)
Issues not handled in a healthy manner
Kids
untrustworthy (cheating, lying, etc)
domineering/controlling
obsess on material as the ONLY thing in life.
judgmental
careless of other peoples feelings
obese
unhygienic
and more...

Or in other word,an well developed ENFP

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Let's mix that.

Must Have
Kind/Honesty/Understanding/Intelligence/humility
sense of humor
connect emotionally
loyalty
Ability to connect
Likes to cuddle
Be open to my vision
Has my physical preferences
Open mind
Love life
Willingness to try new things
Initiative
Like to dig

Extra Credit
Similar hobbies, interests, etc
Geek girl / Gamer girl
interested in expanding mind

Can Accept Depending on the Situation

Smokes
Divorced (Has to be a really good reason)

Deal Breaker

Missing something from my "Must Have" list
Obese
Really Stupid
STDs
Violent (Both to self and others)
Issues not handled in a healthy manner
Kids
untrustworthy (cheating, lying, etc)
domineering/controlling
obsess on material as the ONLY thing in life.
judgmental
careless of other peoples feelings
obese
unhygienic
and more...

Or in other word, a well developed ENFP

Awwww. We ENFPs like you, too.

 

[blomiki]

Lol! Yes, INFJs ftw!

INFJs... we might go wandering in search of some perfect ideal relationship out there, but deep in our little hearts we know we want you. If you've ever been dumped by en ENFP, I think you can say with some certainty that either they made a big mistake, or that you're an immature INFJ!

 

[You]

"Uhh...Hmmm...Ok."

• Kids
• Criminal record
• Mental Illness
• Divorced

"Sorry, I gotta go..."

• Dishonest
• Prude
• Crazy/Violent (Murder, rape, stalker, abuse, etc.)
• Obese
• Rude/Controlling
• STD
• Hard Drugs
• Unhygenic