1. ISFJs are big dum dums. If you make an ISFJ take a test called "how much of a dum dum are you?", they will get the result "big dum dum," which is the most dum dum that a dum dum can be.
2. It is impossible for an ISFJ to not be annoying. All ISFJs as a rule of thumb can irritate all peoples with their mere presence. If the ISFJ does not remove itself from the presence of others at least once per hour, they risk driving others to murder.
3. The ISFJ can be easily influenced to join a cult and die for your sins. Awesome, right? Now you don't have to worry about who to recruit for Jonestown: Part II anymore!
4. ISFJs do not have personal needs or feelings, meaning that they have more time to focus on YOU!
5. All ISFJs are whiny, overly dependent bitches. If you are unsure whether you are an ISFJ or not, ask yourself this question: Have you ever been able to have a thought, feeling, or perform an action independently of another human being? If your answer is yes, then you are not an ISFJ.
6. ISFJs are the ideal housewives. In fact, they are good at nothing except housecleaning, cooking, and childcare. Yay! Now you don't have to worry about it!
7. If you tell an ISFJ that something (such as one of your political ideologies) is good, they will respond with an overwhelmingly enthusiastic, "OK!" Alternatively, if you tell the ISFJ that a belief you do not agree with is wrong and bad, they will respond with an equally enthusiastic "OK!" The ISFJ is the perfect blank slate for you to raise and imprint your beliefs on. Now you, too, can have your own minion army! Brainwash an ISFJ today!
8. Every single ISFJ is, by default, a conservative republican. Unless you brainwash them otherwise, they will always vote for the Rick Santorums and Mitt Romneys of the world.
9. All ISFJs are married to ESTJs. Unfortunately, you will not be able to marry an ISFJ and turn them into your ideal housewife unless you are an ESTJ. Alternatively, if you are not an ESTJ and choose to marry your new ISFJ slave, the act of marriage transforms you into an ESTJ, so never fear. You can have your cake and eat it too!
10. ISFJs are commonly known as passive-aggressive pieces of shit. Actual quote used by all ISFJs at least once per hour: "Why didn't you do the dishes, Timothy? Oh, you're busy? Well, I guess I'll just do it, just like I do everything around here because nobody ever helps me..."
11. Every single ISFJ in the history of mankind has had a victim complex. Did an ISFJ just murder your son? How dare you! Now look at what you've done, now the ISFJ is crying! Can't you see this is all YOUR fault and how dare you be so mean to her when she was just trying to help?!
12. All ISFJs are part of the council of volunteering clubs at school and, upon graduation, only spend time outside of the home if they are volunteering or going to the grocery store to buy a steak for their ESTJ husbands.
13. If you look to your left, you will see it... the ISFJ in its natural habitat. That is to say, in your bedroom, making your bed and picking your clothes up off the floor because apparently you can't seem to do it so the ISFJ must do it for you.
14. The ISFJ is always the co-bitch of her gossip circle. She is the sidekick of ESFJs and ENFJs. The ISFJ is secretly a bitch, but she's a subtle bitch which makes her more likable to the general public.
15. ISFJs do not have any imagination or creativity, so you do not need to feel threatened by their presence, making them the best person to talk to about your Great Ideas without having to worry about them stealing your intellectual property. They may not understand what you are saying, but they will nod and agree with you!
16. You do not have to worry about losing your ISFJ or the ISFJ running away from home. They are very tame and gentle creatures. If you forget to lock the door they will probably just stay where they are, as long as you do not forget to feed or water them. If you can't find your ISFJ, double-check the kitchen.
17. ISFJs don't do logic, so make sure to talk to them with small, simple words that they will understand, otherwise you may scare them.
18. If you are being murdered to death, why call 911? Just call up your resident ISFJ; they will take the bullet for you, no questions asked, and free of charge!
19. You must be very quiet around the ISFJ, so as to not spoop them. Loud noises and confrontations spoop them, and they will run and find a place to hide. But they will not go very far. If you bring a yummy treat, the ISFJ may forgive you. And then you can abuse them again and again, and all it will cost you is a couple yummy treats to entice them with!
20. ISFJs do not have friends, they only have family and non-blooded family. Family is the only thing in the world that is important to the ISFJ. If you throw your ISFJ sister down the stairs, she will still love you because you are her sibling and you know what's best for her!
21. ISFJs know how to cook elaborate meals from birth. They come out of the womb with bread and mayonnaise and assemble their mothers (also ISFJs) a sandwich as a thank you for giving them life. By the age of 12, the ISFJ is already the most skilled of food artists, but their recognition goes unnoticed because ISFJs are 3 humble 5 you.
22. ISFJs are doormats to be trampled on at will--and since they don't do anything about it, that means they like it! We should all be encouraged to stumble on our local ISFJ's feelings to our heart's content!
23. ISFJs are violently opposed to all changes, ever. The ISFJ is born, lives, and dies in the hospital room they are born in. They go to school, build their homes, and marry their ESTJ husbands all from the same room they are born in. Their children, if born ISFJ, inherit this space from them because all ISFJs are traditional.