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Tentative steps

sunnyraining

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INFJ
It's 1:30 am in the morning where I am and I'm whittling the hours studying for an exam that's two weeks away. Normally I would procrastinate and leave it till the 11th hour but not this time...

So in my little 15 minute break I decided to do a bit of self-reflection and write down my thoughts ... my tentative steps into the blogging world (forgive me if I seem a bit self-centred throughout - I don't know where else to start)...

For the past year and a half I've been in training to become a dentist and let me just say there is a hell of a lot of science and hard work. And to make matters worse I feel like an outcast even among my colleagues. I suspect it's because most of them are SJs (the most common MBTI type for dentists) whereas I am an N (according to whatever few research papers are out there regarding dentists - Ns are few in this field).

The bottom line is that an always raging battle within me between the science and the humanities, and it has and will continue to cause me much academic and personal grief.

My high school was James Ruse Ag. High (if you're in NSW, Australia, you'll be familiar with its notoriously academic reputation) - its standards for mathematics and science are very high. Compared to everybody else I was probably at the tail end of the logic tree so I never really fit into the science crowd.

In high school, my passion was animation and in my last year I produced this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41x4-BOp7Ig for my major drama work while struggling to stay on top of everything else.

The project proved to me that I had a very real option of venturing into that industry and yet I hesitated. For I knew I would never really fit into the drama/humanities/arts crowd either - and I lacked the courage.

In the end fate took me down the road of the scientist. Fate and a strong sense of loyalty. And so I sit here now, in the quiet of the night, my heater humming away in the background, and think of what is to come. Doubt is heavy in my mind - the future is uncertain. Questions such as "will I be a good dentist?","am I suited?","will I survive the course?" flitter in my head.

But in a single moment of clarity I realise that
I am a currently like a camel loading upon its back enough materials and knowledge to prepare it for the desert. And if it prepares well it will transform into a lion - a master of its own soul.

The doubts linger and subside for tonight and sleep beckons me into its comforting embrace.
 
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