Te-users:
1 - how do you reign in your Te in relationships? are you able to soften the blow when rejecting someone for a relationship? (my tendency is to lay out specific reasons why it won't work, but the more manipulated or pressured i feel** the more heartless the Te becomes. i dislike this but Te just wants to solve a problem, after all.)
Generally, a lot of the blow-softening comes naturally from my partner getting to know me better; they learn that every time my Te comes out, I mean well, and I'm always trying to help, and it's just the language I speak.
But in delicate situations, yes, I have to soften it, regardless of how much an SO is accustomed to it in everyday situations. I usually can only soften it by planning out what I'm going to say in advance, very very carefully. In other words, I use my Fi to try and come as close as I can to saying how I truly feel -- because they appreciate it when I do.
2 - do you find yourself becoming less of a feeler with the more Te you develop? more emotionally objective? as an ENFP, it seems that sometimes Te is the only recourse...and anyway, if we're already at Te you're kinda fucked: my Fi won't help you and chances are good my Ne helped get us in this situation to begin with!
I've actually noticed that I'm more objective after I've developed my Ne; maybe it's because Te essentially defines how I operate, no matter what, that I can't imagine myself with more or less of it; I can only imagine myself holding it in or letting it out more. Regardless, it's always there.
The functions that really get in the way of my objectivity are my Fi and my Si; the two of them together mean being righteously indignant about things being "wrong" in a completely subjective way. So then, as opposed to "having more Te", I have to tell my Fi and Si to shut up so that I can hear what my Te has been trying to say the whole time. Example: after a gut Si/Fi reaction of "That's just NOT the right way to do things", my Te tells me that it's not wrong, it's just new, and it's more efficient, so I should go for it.
**i think there's a problem with Te and the negative reaction to feeling manipulated that goes beyond explaining it away by claiming tertiary temptation.
Seems more like Fi to me. Any negative reaction towards "fakeness" of any kind, from Te/Fi users, is probably
Fi (<-- Edit), imo.
Is this different for non-Fe-er's? Do Fi-ers have the ability to switch instantaneously into friend-mode and watch the other person be involved with others and be perfectly ok with that?
I definitely can't do that. I think my Fi actually prevents me from doing it. The idea of being friends with someone who I am in love with -- with them knowing that I'm in love with them but choosing to ignore it and pretend like it's no problem -- seems horrible to me. I have actually done something similar to an INFJ doorslam, to a friend of mine who told me he had loved me for years, because I couldn't think of him the same way after that, I couldn't lead him on, and I didn't want to be reminded of that horrible realization every time I saw him.
But I wouldn't rule out the possibility of just being friends, after all of this. My experience, thank God, is not the norm.
Is your INFJ definitely head-over-heels in love with you? My instinct is to say that you can soften the blow as much as you want, but the meaning in itself will probably break his heart no matter what, if he loves you and you don't love him back.