This is perhaps the most internally conflicted of the stackings, and potentially the most inconsistent in behavior. This may occur as a blockage of the sexual instinct which can be redirected as a more generally brooding and troubled personality. They may isolate themselves for long periods of time before reemerging. They live according to a strictly personal outlook and are not particularly concerned with the approval of others outside of their immediate concern. They seem to be searching for something, the missing piece. If they find a soulmate they will unite without fanfare, forming a secret bond, dealing with formalities as an afterthought. Powerful sexual impulses facing inner resistance may manifest symbolically in the psyche, giving way to soulful interpretations of the unconscious. Under periods of stress severe sexual tensions may manifest as erratic, impulsively destructive behavior. Can seem restless, torn between the comforts of a stable home life and the urge to wander.
Yeah, basically my life has dropped back far more into this approach than it was over the few prior years.
I don't know if I am "brooding and troubled," although I guess I'm not exactly happy and do feel isolated without much idea of how to fix it. I'm pretty much in hibernation mode over the last year or so, and really don't interact much aside from online and at work. I go to work, I come home, and the only people I visit IRL are my kids.
I don't generally care about widespread approval anymore, in terms of what I choose to do and how I live, but I do care about people closer to me -- then again, aren't most people this way?
I don't need anyone, but I would like to be with someone, and it's basically a "I know it when I see it / experience it" thing because it will just click with me in a flash ... we'll figure out the details later. I don't think I'm indulging in impulsively destructive behavior, though; then again, I never did even under a lot of stress, because I tend to be very self-controlled with dark stuff.
I'm definitely very restless, wanting stability and efficiency, but also wanting stimulation, depth, intensity, exploration... the search. So I don't tend to be happy when I sacrifice either.
I think i typically sum up my sx/sp leaning as finding it very easy to live a solitary life but desiring these intense intimate connections with people I know and like, including some as yet unspecified soulmate/lover. Physical sex is not the pinnacle, it's just part of the intimacy, which is basically like soulsex/mindsex/physical sex all in the same relationship. I typically desire to immerse myself completely in another and have them immerse themselves in me, while at the same time feeling a compulsive need to keep a hold of myself and keep myself separate and aware. The two desires undermine each other to some degree.