[MBTI General] Stuck? Befuddled? Betwixt? Confounded? Halla will Help You...

[MonkeyGrass]

Inviting everyone to a surprise party at someone else's house when it's not his or her birthday.

Oh. I like that.

 

[BlackCat]

Halla, what's a good way to meet people? I'm not talking about party people (not the kind that would regular a club). I'm going to be moving near a city very soon, and I'm basically socially clueless around a lot of things. Thanks.

 

[Totenkindly]

But how to kill it? Pine cone barrage, or with the mighty strength of my spindly arms, powered by crazy adrenalin? Or a stare-off?

Multiple choice answers:
o Use your bare hands. (I mean, if you cannot do that, you're probably a goner.)
o Tickle it.
o Humiliate it in front of its friends with terrifying displays of sarcasm and personal idioms.
o Shave it. (If you feel nice, you can shampoo it first.)
o Get it to chase your little brother instead.


.... hAALLLLLAAAA! heeeeelp!!!

 

[Halla74]

Hala,
(1) How can I be happy like you? (preferably without having to expend much effort). (2) I have caught myself being gloomy of recent. Procrastinating. Antisocial, oversensitive and grumpy. (3) I never was Mr. Happy go lucky but I tried to be positive and was relatively content. (4) Nothing of current to make me unhappy except a recent event which was unfair but not worth pursuing. (5) So if you know, make me happy.

Dear Dr. Von Spamtar,

Please see my numbered responses below, as they speak to my re-numbering of your question above...

(1) Be thankful that you are alive, an American, young, of good health, and be thankful for the good people in you rlife, and the beauty that surrounds you. Serious tip, buy a 1 gallon cookie jar, a male beta at a pet store, and a houseplant that you like, and add them to the room(s) that you spend most of your time in, especially if its a room you feel gloomy in! Being surrounded by life compels us to live and to not be mired down in lethargy.

(2) This happens to the best of us! My recommendations here are get some sleep, eat better, get some exercise, clean you rhouse, do something FUN, and to help someone in need like maybe an elderly neighbor...

(3) Sounds like you were on the right path, if you fell off the wagon then get it back on the trail as soon as possible. Do not allow learned helplessness to set in, that's how downward spirals set in. Decide on a reasonable accomplishment to pursue that you believe will bring you some small amount of satisfaction and perform it as soon as possible. Baby steps!

(4) If it is not worth pursuing then why did you even mention it? Sounds like you feel you've been wronged, and therefore your fairness meter is in the red. You have a few choices (a) sit back and take it because you have to for now, (b) sort out what you are unhappy about and confront it head on, (c) perform grievous acts of vengeance involving shaving cream, eggs, and pancake syrup.

(5) What I would do if in a similar situation is above. Actions speak louder than words. Assess your current state, decide where you wish to be, craft a plan of action to get there, and decide when to start your journey. Happiness is a state of mind, and the state of your mind is entirely up to you each second of each day of your life. Think like an optimist. The bald man says: "God could only make so many perfect heads, and the rest of his children were given a full head of hair." Don't sulk about what you can't change. Achieve that which you can.

Halla, you had me at "Raveus Glowsticka."

I need good joke to tell somebody. Like, a short, quick, clever joke. Can be dirty, clean, as long as it isn't too offensive (or dumb like dead baby jokes.. bleh)

A man sees a sign in front of a farm that reads: "Talking dog for sale."

He goes to the barn and there sits a Golden Retriever who greets him with "Hey there fella', how you doin'?" :hi:

The man freaks out and says "You're really a talking dog! How did this happen?"

The dog replied: "I've always been able to talk. I used to work for the FBI. I've served as a spy in embassies, found terrorists in foreign countries, and sniffed out tons of narcotics at the municipal airport. I retired from the FBI and now want to be here, closer to my puppies."

The man says "You're awesome! I'm going to buy you from the farmer right now!"

The man walks up to the farm house and asks the farmer: "How much are you asking for your talking dog?"

The farmer replied: "Ten dollars." :steam:

The man said: "That's nothing. Why would you charge so little for such an smart, brave, and amazing animal?"

The farmer replied: "Because he's a LIAR! He didn't do ANY of that stuff!!!"

:yim_rolling_on_the_

I need to know why I dreamed about blowing holes in things last night with a 12 gauge pump-action shotgun. WUTWUT?! It was fun though.

I feel something Freudian coming on.

No Ma'am, there is no Freudian context for your nocturnal imaginings. You have an acute case of "Mossberg Awesomitis." You are so completely overflowing with AWESOMENESS that it is creeping into your sub-nocturnal cortex. You must got to Wal-Mart and ask to hold one of these:

If you squeeze it like a teddy bear and kiss it three times your dreams will return to talking walks with Don Ameche in Central Park.

Dear Halla

Why do people always pick on trans people who aren't even really transpeople and are in fact women pretending to be men pretending to be women? What did they do to deserve this, besides becoming a musical superstar and having their faces plastered all over the tabloids and making more money in a year than most of us will make in a lifetime?

Oh the humanity!

signed,
all hot and gagaless



Uh... eerrr... how do you separate a truckload of dead Lady Gaga's from a truckload of bowling balls?

This is a very good question. The answer is quite simple really. Transpeople are really Trans People pretending to be House People pretending to be Breakbeat People. Their genitalia are actually a primitive sort of metronome which changes shape according to the sonic energy of their surroundings. Unfortunately, motor vehicles, cell phones, automatic electronic defibrilators all contribute to the sub-harmonic integration of gonadomorphic sound waves, thus confusing the hell out of the metronomous genitaliensis. If we could simply eliminate all public transit, cell phones, and AEDs, then the metronomous genitaliensis of all people, trans, house, man, woman, child, and even breakbeaters would assume their actual form bringing peace and harmony to the scientifically and ethically challenged.

In all honesty, I care not if anyone is male, female, both, pre-op, post-op, inter-op, whatever. We're all human. We all bleed red, have stinky poop, and will rot in the ground when we die, regardless of our genitals or the number of hit singles or the money we have.

Unfortunately some humans exhibit bad behaviors and are then dealt a whoopin' for some trivial aspect of their morphology, physiology, psychology, or other ologies, but that does not make the universe right.

I'm assuming Lady GaGa has male packaging based on what I have heard and seen in the media, but that does not mean I care about it one bit, or judge Lady GaGa for it. It was brought to my attention in this thread that those with "gerbil balls" did not like me, and thus the enigma of Lady GaGa's alleged pee-pee as discussed in the mainstream paparazzi media jumped to my conscious and readied myself for potential vibes of hatred from the direction of Hollywood. BTW, A post-op friend of mine cuts/color my hair.

Haha, you are awesome.

Isn't she?! I adore her.

shhhh... i wanna see what he does with it...!!!

See novella above...

What's the difference between a duck?

7 degrees northwest divided by Peking.

Why are so many people down on eggnog?

Because they are members of:

Why does this can of Maryland Style crab soup not actually contain crab? :steam:

Because it contains monkey brains flavored with artifical crab flavor, because they are cheaper, and they are good for you.

What's the best party trick you know?

A few actually. Break out in song if its a birthday. Order a stripping telegram. Bring brownies covered in Ex-lax chocolate topping...

What *is* the best thing to do if attacked by a bear? I've received quite a bit of conflicting information.

Kill that MOFO!!!!

Seriously, I'm that good.

FAIL.

 

[Domino]

Mossberg Awesomeitis!! Walks with Don Ameche!! This couldn't be more perfect. It just couldn't. I know someone with a Mossberg. I'm going to go hug and kiss it.

If I put it up my shirt, will hot young Don Ameche go there too?

 

[ayoitsStepho]

Halla, how can I possibly allow my inner freak to surface around other people? I'm tired of being quiet around others. I'd much rather be able to strike up any conversation when I feel like it.

 

[Spamtar]

Dear Dr. Von Spamtar,

Please see my numbered responses below, as they speak to my re-numbering of your question above...

(1) Be thankful that you are alive, an American, young, of good health, and be thankful for the good people in you rlife, and the beauty that surrounds you. Serious tip, buy a 1 gallon cookie jar, a male beta at a pet store, and a houseplant that you like, and add them to the room(s) that you spend most of your time in, especially if its a room you feel gloomy in! Being surrounded by life compels us to live and to not be mired down in lethargy.

(2) This happens to the best of us! My recommendations here are get some sleep, eat better, get some exercise, clean you rhouse, do something FUN, and to help someone in need like maybe an elderly neighbor...

(3) Sounds like you were on the right path, if you fell off the wagon then get it back on the trail as soon as possible. Do not allow learned helplessness to set in, that's how downward spirals set in. Decide on a reasonable accomplishment to pursue that you believe will bring you some small amount of satisfaction and perform it as soon as possible. Baby steps!

(4) If it is not worth pursuing then why did you even mention it? Sounds like you feel you've been wronged, and therefore your fairness meter is in the red. You have a few choices (a) sit back and take it because you have to for now, (b) sort out what you are unhappy about and confront it head on, (c) perform grievous acts of vengeance involving shaving cream, eggs, and pancake syrup.

(5) What I would do if in a similar situation is above. Actions speak louder than words. Assess your current state, decide where you wish to be, craft a plan of action to get there, and decide when to start your journey. Happiness is a state of mind, and the state of your mind is entirely up to you each second of each day of your life. Think like an optimist. The bald man says: "God could only make so many perfect heads, and the rest of his children were given a full head of hair." Don't sulk about what you can't change. Achieve that which you can.
:

++1000 Excellent Dr. Halla
I will do all!

Yeah the learned helplessness is something I need to watch. I am strong in other areas yet the disconnect I have with my feelings has seemed to be a crutch I have written off personal responsibility for.

I feel better already!

 

[Halla74]

But how to kill it? Pine cone barrage, or with the mighty strength of my spindly arms, powered by crazy adrenalin? Or a stare-off?

There is no canned answer for this question. The variablility comes from the capabilities of you and the bear, what is laying around (knife, rock, stick, etc.) is there an more desirable exit (e.g. jumping in a river, jumping off a ledge onto a cliff below, any place but his jaws and stomach!), and of course random chance such as the bear having a heart attack, aliens attacking from flying saucers, etc.

Honestly, when you are faced with conflict against an overwhelmingly superior enemy, you must resort to asymmetric means fo combat. Fire, explosions, guns, chemicals (e.g. battery acid in the eyes) or the like, just like terrorists/gurerilla soldiers use. Even a rock that can thrown to hurt him just a little bit to buy you time to run and fight another day, that's better than being eaten alive.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If your dumb ass is out in the woods without a loaded Mossberg (buckshot/slug/buckshot/slug) then you are basically stating that you are OK with being eaten by bears, you are putting yourself at risk. Don't put yourself in situations that you can't get out of, and if you did all you can in that department but the shit still hits the fan, then all you can do is PRAY.

My Dad extolls the virtues of the 7 P's:

Proper
Prior
Planning
Prevents
Piss
Poor
Performance

Halla, what's a good way to meet people? I'm not talking about party people (not the kind that would regular a club). I'm going to be moving near a city very soon, and I'm basically socially clueless around a lot of things. Thanks.

All friendships start with "Hello" and a smile.

I am not kidding.

You have no idea how many conversations I've started that way...ALL OF THEM.

Trying to meet people where and when you are "supposed" to be meeting people is a sure fire way to minimize yourchances of meeting the people you actually want to meet. For instance, why limit who you meet by going to nightclubs as your main social avenue? In high school I did not belong to any clique. I had friends from all sects of the student body. Some of my friends were independent like me, others were a little more constrained by social affiliation but still were decent folks.

The bottom line is this, Sir. It is your responsibility to walk up to the people you are compelled to associate with in life and initiate communication with them if you wish to befreind them. If you do not, then you choose to be friends with whomever falls into your life, whcih is personally limiting, and which I think is a bad idea.

Have faith in yourself, be yourself, be genuine, and if you are well received then you are able to be yourself forever more with those that you hit it off with, and if you don't make a connection with some then whatever, no big deal, you'll have no regerets later because you tried.

Go for it. This is your life, this is not a dress rehearsal, and it mightwell happen one time...so make it count!

Multiple choice answers:
o Use your bare hands. (I mean, if you cannot do that, you're probably a goner.)
o Tickle it.
o Humiliate it in front of its friends with terrifying displays of sarcasm and personal idioms.
o Shave it. (If you feel nice, you can shampoo it first.)
o Get it to chase your little brother instead.


.... hAALLLLLAAAA! heeeeelp!!!

See novella above.

Halla, how can I possibly allow my inner freak to surface around other people? I'm tired of being quiet around others. I'd much rather be able to strike up any conversation when I feel like it.

(1) Just do it!
(2) Drink your shyness away, and make sure you wear protection when your
freak comes out.
(3) Read my post to BlackCat above. You fear rejection, but you have no idea if you would be rejected, because you have not tried. I have two pieces of good news for you:

(a) You won't get rejected, and if you do it will be by far fewer than you think, and it will be less severe than you imagine.

(b) Even if you do get rejected in some capacity, it will not kill you, you will have the benefit of knowing who accepts you for who you are, and who is a pretentious slut ho-bag wanna-be pimp muthafucka' that better recognize that a AyoitsStepho Grade A knucle Sandwich is gettin' laid upside their ugly mufuckin' head.

Ohhhh yeaaah!

++1000 Excellent Dr. Halla
I will do all!

Yeah the learned helplessness is something I need to watch. I am strong in other areas yet the disconnect I have with my feelings has seemed to be a crutch I have written off personal responsibility for.

I feel better already!

Please keep me posted as to your progress!
Recite your new mindset to yourself, teach it to three people who will benefit from it and it will be yours forever. The grasshopper can quickly become the Master...

 

[ayoitsStepho]

(1) Just do it!
(2) Drink your shyness away, and make sure you wear protection when your
freak comes out.
(3) Read my post to BlackCat above. You fear rejection, but you have no idea if you would be rejected, because you have not tried. I have two pieces of good news for you:

(a) You won't get rejected, and if you do it will be by far fewer than you think, and it will be less severe than you imagine.

(b) Even if you do get rejected in some capacity, it will not kill you, you will have the benefit of knowing who accepts you for who you are, and who is a pretentious slut ho-bag wanna-be pimp muthafucka' that better recognize that a AyoitsStepho Grade A knucle Sandwich is gettin' laid upside their ugly mufuckin' head.

Ohhhh yeaaah!

HAHAHA! Oh man, that just made my day so much better!

You are very knowledgeable in all this. But what can I say? i wouldn't be going to your University if you weren't.
Your very straight to the point and I like that. Thank you for you help Halla!

 

[Laurie]

You should get a job as a motivational speaker!

 

[Halla74]

HAHAHA! Oh man, that just made my day so much better!

You are very knowledgeable in all this. But what can I say? i wouldn't be going to your University if you weren't.
Your very straight to the point and I like that. Thank you for you help Halla!

Only the best and brightest get a full ride to the
Halla Quasitechnical Institute.

It's like MIT, but different. They use Bunsen burners, we use flamethrowers.

I am really glad my advice was helpful. Please let me know how things go for you in your new, liberated life outlook.

You should get a job as a motivational speaker!

Wowzers!
That's a damn nice compliment! Thank you very much.

 

[WoodsWoman]

Haaa! :yim_rolling_on_the_

Thank God there aren't that many humans with gerbil balls hanging around.
I guess that means Lady GaGa doesn't like me.

I dare say your following is a good deal more loyal.



I may just have to make this thread my 'home page' to catch all the belly laughs!!! Thanks!!

 

[Bamboo]

Halla,

I need a really simple workout (strength training) routine. I already do a lot of biking and running. I have a YMCA membership, and I want to justify keeping it by going to the gym on a regular basis. A 3-4 day routine would be good, I haven't lifted regularly at a gym in a long time.

On a semi-related note, the YMCA doesn't have a squat rack but it does have a smith machine . So I can't really squat. This makes me unhappy. It does have one of those squat machine things, where you sit in the seat and push out, but it feels weird. Any ideas?


-Bamboo

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Here's a joke for you Halla:

Why do women close their eyes during sex?














They just can't stand to see a guy have a good time.

 

[Jaguar]

Because the fella is one ugly SOB.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I do enjoy watching Halla and Jaguar in action.
Its like....Chimp and Dale.

 

[Halla74]

I dare say your following is a good deal more loyal.



I may just have to make this thread my 'home page' to catch all the belly laughs!!! Thanks!!

I'll try to keep it "real!" Always nice to hear from you; hope you are well.

Halla,

I need a really simple workout (strength training) routine. I already do a lot of biking and running. I have a YMCA membership, and I want to justify keeping it by going to the gym on a regular basis. A 3-4 day routine would be good, I haven't lifted regularly at a gym in a long time.

On a semi-related note, the YMCA doesn't have a squat rack but it does have a smith machine . So I can't really squat. This makes me unhappy. It does have one of those squat machine things, where you sit in the seat and push out, but it feels weird. Any ideas?


-Bamboo

I have alot to day about this, but will have to write it tomorrow...stay tuned...

Here's a joke for you Halla:

Why do women close their eyes during sex?


They just can't stand to see a guy have a good time.

Owwwwwwch!!! :yim_rolling_on_the_

Because the fella is one ugly SOB.

That's what blindfolds are for, you dingbat! When they fail all we have to work with is duct tape.

I do enjoy watching Halla and Jaguar in action.
Its like....Chimp and Dale.

There's a good reason God put the two of us on separate continents. He's a barrister, I'm an ESTP, need I say more?

 

[Bamboo]

Tuned in.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

There's a good reason God put the two of us on separate continents. He's a barrister, I'm an ESTP, need I say more?

I do wonder the results of you both being on the same continent.
Oh heck, lets get crazy and say you both were in the same house!!

 

[Halla74]

Tuned in.

Thanks for your patience...

I do wonder the results of you both being on the same continent.

Oh heck, lets get crazy and say you both were in the same house!!

Here's a visual of what that might look like:

I'm the one on the left, Jags on the right...