BlackCat
Shaman
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2008
- Messages
- 7,038
- MBTI Type
- ESFP
- Enneagram
- 9w8
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
I've never used the blog function before. I think I'll use this. It feels after than a thread blog. And those kinds of blogs aren't my style; I don't often have random and interesting crap I want to post every 15 minutes. I think about stuff for a while and then try to express myself.
My main issue is not being able to find hardly any intimate relationships. I wish I didn't have such high standards on people. I'm really just not interested in about 90% of the people that I meet. But the other 10% are awesome.
And this is problematic for relationships. I really want one. But that's not quite the point of this post.
The strange realization that I had is that the more I help people, the less I feel bad. I just stop thinking about the fact that I feel alone, and get caught up in the moment and being happy for the other people. I realized that today when I was at my friend's birthday party (I was there yesterday, but the realization was today). My friend and a girl he's really close with and known for 5 years are basically in love. They have dated other people but have always ended up back with each other. And I think that they are finally going to make it official. They are really really in love. Neither of them can drive though... money is short (insurance). And they live like 20 miles apart. 20 miles! That's nothing. I've had a couple of relationships implode like this just because we couldn't see each other. And for them it had been 4 months since they had seen each other. That's just not good. Not at all.
So I got kind of mad at the situation and I told them that I'd pick one of them up and go to the other's house to hang out, since they're both awesome.
And after I did that, after I made that decision, I felt a warmth in my heart I haven't felt in a very long time. I can't remember the last time I felt that happy. But I felt alive... and that was a temporary high. And then I went back to being my usual shitty.
So I wonder what will happen if I keep reaching out to people like that? Will I eventually feel happier overall? Or is it a temporary high?
Man I just want to stop feeling terrible. I don't know what the deal is. I'm getting really sick of it. I don't know what will fix it either. I keep saying find a relationship, but then again isn't that everyone's fix for any problem?
Nothing I can do though except take everything day to day.
My main issue is not being able to find hardly any intimate relationships. I wish I didn't have such high standards on people. I'm really just not interested in about 90% of the people that I meet. But the other 10% are awesome.
And this is problematic for relationships. I really want one. But that's not quite the point of this post.
The strange realization that I had is that the more I help people, the less I feel bad. I just stop thinking about the fact that I feel alone, and get caught up in the moment and being happy for the other people. I realized that today when I was at my friend's birthday party (I was there yesterday, but the realization was today). My friend and a girl he's really close with and known for 5 years are basically in love. They have dated other people but have always ended up back with each other. And I think that they are finally going to make it official. They are really really in love. Neither of them can drive though... money is short (insurance). And they live like 20 miles apart. 20 miles! That's nothing. I've had a couple of relationships implode like this just because we couldn't see each other. And for them it had been 4 months since they had seen each other. That's just not good. Not at all.
So I got kind of mad at the situation and I told them that I'd pick one of them up and go to the other's house to hang out, since they're both awesome.
And after I did that, after I made that decision, I felt a warmth in my heart I haven't felt in a very long time. I can't remember the last time I felt that happy. But I felt alive... and that was a temporary high. And then I went back to being my usual shitty.
So I wonder what will happen if I keep reaching out to people like that? Will I eventually feel happier overall? Or is it a temporary high?
Man I just want to stop feeling terrible. I don't know what the deal is. I'm getting really sick of it. I don't know what will fix it either. I keep saying find a relationship, but then again isn't that everyone's fix for any problem?
Nothing I can do though except take everything day to day.
