[SP] SPs Losing Their Nerve

[KDude]

Anyone else experience this? Are you forever a wild child? Do you reassess your life in light of consequences and people (or yourself) getting hurt? I think I've become kind of a square since my 20s/mid 20s. I might've taken the cake at one point in taking risks, but a lot of sides of life have no place for me anymore. In a way I envy people who keep it up, but I'm sort of gunshy. Several of my friends from highschool are dead (violent deaths). I made it out, but psychologically, none of that helped. Hell, even athletic stuff has taken a downturn. Awhile back, I smacked the street skateboarding, lost my 4 front teeth.. It took me awhile to even get on a board again. And now I just kind of suck. I skated better when I was 9.

Just kind of wondering if anyone relates.. Lately I've been getting ISTJ-ish results a lot on tests too.

 

[KDude]

Another thing on my mind lately is my parents.. my dad is already 72.. my mom is getting up years. I don't like the prospects. I have to take care of them more. I don't see myself as being any kind of free spirit and burning my family. As much as I dislike it, I want to be responsible. They can't work as hard, and I'm definitely not going to throw them in a nursing home one day. Usually I don't do things that I think suck, but suddenly I'm realizing you have to do some things no matter what.

 

[Crafter]

You could just be in an unhealthy ISTP state. Like nothing seems like any fun anymore, pointless... I tend to do that when I'm depressed. The J can be from you not really wanting to do anything new at this point. Being stuck in an unhealthy pattern.

It helps me when I set up goals of some sort. It motivates me out of the depressed state. I can't tell you what you should set up as yours though. Only you know that.

 

[KDude]

How do you transition from this...

Henry Hill: For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills, were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something we just took it. If anyone complained twice they got hit so bad, believe me, they never complained again


To this..

Henry Hill: Today everything is different; there's no action... have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food - right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

And not go insane...

I need a productive, fun way to channel Se. Sitting on my ass and enjoying the weather or food is not Se either. That's Si, I think.

 

[Crafter]

Think of it as a surfer.

Life moves in waves. When you're at the top, wind is blowing, you feel alive and things doesn't get any better. But the wave eventually fades out and you wipe out.
So what if the food doesn't taste as good or the service has turned to crap. Go somewhere else then. Find a new place. Don't stick to old patterns.
A surfer swims towards the next wave. If he doesn't move and take action, he'll be left cold and wet, just sitting there on his board.

I don't know you or how your life is, but nothing will change unless you decide that you're going to do something about it. Maybe stop skating, pick up a new sport. Perhaps join a group activity to meet new people and replace your dead buddies with. Seing your parents grow old is kinda scary sometimes, makes you understand mortality, but you can only do so much to take care of them. You can't be dragged in too deep in their problems or they will consume you too. They want you to live your life believe me.

So find yourself a new wave man.

 

[KDude]

Seing your parents grow old is kinda scary sometimes, makes you understand mortality, but you can only do so much to take care of them. You can't be dragged in too deep in their problems or they will consume you too. They want you to live your life believe me.

So find yourself a new wave man.

That's probably the biggest step I can't go towards in my mind right now.

Everything else makes sense. And would be easier if I had money. Half of the exciting stuff to even feed Se with needs money. Lots of money. And probably some license and expensive training to boot. Red tape. This isn't the wild west, where I can just steal a horse (replace horse with boat/plane/67 stingray/etc). Most people who have all of this shit are old farts who keep their cars in the garage, and bring it out on Sundays to film in the empty cul de sac. My Se wants to break into their garages and take their shit. But you can't do that. Everyone will cry.

Anyways, I'm going to stop this rant before I get off track. I need to think.

 

[gromit]

That's probably the biggest step I can't go towards in my mind right now.

Everything else makes sense. And would be easier if I had money. Half of the exciting stuff to even feed Se with needs money. Lots of money. And probably some license and expensive training to boot. Red tape. This isn't the wild west, where I can just steal a horse (replace horse with boat/plane/67 stingray/etc). Most people who have all of this shit are old farts who keep their cars in the garage, and bring it out on Sundays to film in the empty cul de sac. My Se wants to break into their garages and take their shit. But you can't do that. Everyone will cry.

Anyways, I'm going to stop this rant before I get off track. I need to think.

Lots of fun and exciting stuff costs little to no money.

For me one of the most stimulating is going on a hike, a really physically strenuous hike, where you have to use all four limbs, where it is almost like a puzzle to solve. Then, you get to the top and you are rewarded with very cool views and a sandwich that somehow tastes way more delicious than it should.

That is just an example. But there are tons of other things you can do for free or almost free.

Sometimes, the less you do, the less you want to do. The more you do, the more you want to do. I get into funks too. Mostly I have found it comes from a feeling of helplessness, like nothing I am doing is making an impact, like I cannot change my situation. Sometimes it is just a small thing that needs to be changed, go on a long run, clean my bedroom, eat some tasty and wholesome food.

My most recent funk, it was larger, I needed a new career, quit my job.

 

[KDude]

Hiking is boring to me tbh. Looking at nice views is OK, but I'll lose my interest quickly. I can do that, but I'd rather have more intensity and speed.. I think those calmer, more nuanced sensations are Si. Extracting a lot of one's impression of places is Si. Se doesn't go for the impression, but wants to experience or cause an objective level of impact. Not a sense of impact in your head, but one that is actually happening.

 

[StephMC]

of the exciting stuff to even feed Se with needs money. Lots of money.

That sounds like a cop-out to me. Some of the most fun Se moments I've had is when I'm kind of broke and have to figure out how to make something happen. Granted, of course it's fun to Se it out with money too, but... it's not completely necessary.

Other than that, [MENTION=16155]Crafter[/MENTION] gives some awesome advice. I can't tell you how many times fellow STP friends have told me (pretty much) to suck it up and drag myself out of the rut I'm in. I always think, "Well... easier said than done." And then when I'm finally out of that rut, I look back and think, "Well shit. Yep, all it took was a bit of effort to drag myself out."

As for your parents, be careful with the amount of responsibility you put on yourself. Financial reasons are one thing, obligation out of guilt is another. I've never been in that particular situation, but I have picked up a lot of my family's burdens in the past out of a sense of duty. And I was pretty miserable. Helping your family out in a time of need is obviously not a bad thing. Doing it when you're already stretched thin is a mistake.

 

[KDude]

That sounds like a cop-out to me. Some of the most fun Se moments I've had is when I'm kind of broke and have to figure out how to make something happen.

Me too.. But sometimes the way I tried to have fun "in a vacuum" was shaking things up.. and possibly illegal. And sometimes hurt people. Or blew something up. Or at least, was equivalent to a roller coaster ride on LSD.

What are the productive ways of getting the same underlying experience?

The things I have my mind on now that would be as exciting do require money. A badass car, maybe kayaking, the long and arduous process of a flight school (and even then, I wouldn't own a plane if I had a license. I'd rent time at best... and it'd still be expensive as hell). Sight seeing on a trail isn't going to cut it for me. Unless I had a monster truck.

 

[wolfy]

It is interesting the times when you suddenly focus on the future. I have had periods like that, like a mild panic. You feel like you have got to do something for the future, and it has to be right now. I think as you get older you take on more responsibility, in your case, your parents are getting older and you want the best. I have that and other things but it is the same really. Maybe it is something to do with a fear, or an awareness that your ability to take action is, or could be impeded and you need to do something. I think, and this is something I need to remember too, that there needs to be a balance between this future orientation and your more natural present orientation.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

[MENTION=9214]KDude[/MENTION]. I get the sense you might be at that point in life ( and knowing a bit about your past demons) if you have overcome them there is this sense of "ok. I did that for what? What's next?" and it can bring you right around to the place mentally that you worked hard to escape and the work you did feels cheapened.

The realness is you just came out of a shitty situation and you are starting over. Left the old crap behind but now what? You have to find a goal and work toward it. Do something that you find rewarding. Even if it is small and you are unsure of it. You gotta re-learn life in terms of where and who you are NOW.

You're obviously a fighter and survivor and what's funny about that first knockout round with life is you think because you won one insane round you should be on easy street and its deceitful. Truth is, any fighter has to defend their title and therefore you still have to work at yourself. I had to learn that and it set me back a few years with being stagnant and lost. Also, I was exhausted. It never stops but it gets easier and easier with more experience.

 

[Istbkleta]

So ... [MENTION=9214]KDude[/MENTION]

Do you mean to say you are thinking more about the distant future and taking care of your parents.

And this takes up time and energy you used to devote to Se.

 

[KDude]

So ... [MENTION=9214]KDude[/MENTION]

Do you mean to say you are thinking more about the distant future and taking care of your parents.

And this takes up time and energy you used to devote to Se.

I haven't been in a heavy Se state for years. For other reasons. I hate getting into the why. I've kind of opened myself up for it, but I don't really want to go there. Besides, I didn't really want this thread to be all about me. I just wanted to hear if people have reassesed how they've approached life. And Se. How they've gone about it productively. I can't be the only one here who lived the first part of their life carelessly or destructively. Like it or not, even Jung calls Se (dominant at least) crude and lacking a solid reflective view. And it's going to trickle to ISPs somewhat.

 

[Istbkleta]

It's all going to be OK.

 

[citizen cane]

Odd, [MENTION=9214]KDude[/MENTION]


I was just thinking about how these things seem inevitable for me as well. I'm still half-denying that these things will be obstacles though. Fuck having to change who you are to make do.

Best wishes, and let us know how you continue to cope and change...I'm interested.


Also, I do have those nihilistic 'everything sucks and is boring and pointless' moments. I just drink a shit-ton of coffee, keep my mind busy, and cross my fingers that it'll pass.

 

[PJWakt]

I relate to this. Sometimes I think I have lost the person that I was before and the spark has gone - this has happened more and more as I've gone from 20s to the 30s. Here is a random selection of thoughts based on my experience.

As for losing nerve, isn't it more a case of losing the will to push yourself? "Can't be bothered" - in those times when I'm not 100% of the person I was. Whereas if you forced yourself, summoned up the will, the nerve would naturally come back along with it. Sometimes the activity needs to be undertaken in order to realise this.

The tension is wanting to do something to change your situation immediately and not being able to. Often changes of situation are slow-burn things which require lots of patience and this does not come naturally.

I can get half way back to equilibrium temporarily by doing things, especially physical activities. I find it hard to have faith in the overall shape of an unknown future (of course they're always unknown). I try to anticipate how certain things about that future will gratify me - but again this no substitute for being there.

Rather than trying to plan how I will get from here to the future, or how I will behave at each important stage along the way, I know from experience that, faced with the actual situation at that future point, I will be able to improvise and get it right most of the time. Trust that you will perform when required, and for the time being, don't think about it. Some people seem to worry today about things that they won't have to face for a long time yet, if ever. I do not. There is no point.

 

[Little_Sticks]

I just want to comment. I know someone like this. He's attempting to join the Navy as a Seal to offset it, despite the fact that he has an engineering degree. He doesn't care anymore and it's something I think he's always wanted to do.

 

[jewelluckystar05]

Wow. I had one of those years in the sense of realizing it was time to stop just 'living with' the stuff life handed me and start living life after watching one person after the other decide it was normal to let strong personalities that have nothing better to do than mess with and compete with others lead them around by the nose by putting my foot down and saying that I refused to be next.