StephAnne04
New member
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2009
- Messages
- 9
- MBTI Type
- ENFJ
- Enneagram
- 2
The girl I used to be has gone through a bit of a renovation. I have had some experiences with different people that has made question the way I look at the world.
I used to trust everyone. It wasn't so much that I thought they were trustworthy, I just wanted them to be. I saw the good in everyone and I thought that if they just has someone believe in them, they would be this great person that I knew they could be. Because of this logic, I wore my emotions on my sleeve. I would tell anyone and everyone my life story. I thought that I could fine someone to listen and really care about my pain..like I did others. I never did find someone that listened the way I did. For a while, it didn't matter. Back then, I thought very little of myself. I guess I thought I didn't deserve to be understood.. to have someone listen and care about what I went through.
In the last year or so the perception of myself has changed. I value myself alot more. I like who I am. I don't let other's thoughts effect nearly as much. I figure they are going to think what they want to think no matter what I do. The thing I hadn't really let go of though, was that hope that I could find someone that cared enough about me to get to know me. To really listen to what I feel.
But then I had some things happen where that hope was tested. People that I thought understood why I felt the way I did or the depth of my emotions, never really did.
Honestly, this bothered me alot at first. I kind of shut down. I isolated myself. I thought that I was so dumb and naive for thinking I could find that person out there that could be all that for me. I pretty much stopped trusting people. Stopped letting them in.
I was like this for a good month. I know to most people a month isn't that long, but for me it feels like a lifetime. I get through things so much faster than most people do, so to isolate myself and cut myself off for a whole month seemed so long.
But then I saw how I was acting. I saw how mean I was becoming.. how resentful I was. I would pick at people who I cared about. I was mad at them for not being what I wanted them to be.
What I realized, however, was that the problem wasn't them. It was me. I expected them to be something they aren't. I'm really different in the way I handle things.. the way I care about people.. the way I interact with people is alot different than most people. I mean, even on PC, there are very few ENFJs. So why did I expect everyone to be like me? It's not that they don't care, they just don't handle people the way I do. So why should I fault them for that?
Realizing this has put me in a bit of a pickle. I now know that I can't expect what I used to expect from people because its just not realistic. So what should I expect? What is ok to expect and what is selfish? These are answers that I don't have at the moment and I'm sure will show themselves to me in time, but in the mean time, I'm kind of just hanging out there. I can't go back to the trust everyone naivete I had before and I certainly can't shut everyone else out. Either way I'm unhappy.
I wrote all this out for me, I think. I think that I knew I had to sort out the worries in my head, but I wasn't exactly sure of the question. After all.. how do you get answers if you don't even know the question?Writing this out helped me find that question.
I would love your comments and advice if you have any, but I won't be broken hearted if I don't get any response. This post was productive for me. lol
I used to trust everyone. It wasn't so much that I thought they were trustworthy, I just wanted them to be. I saw the good in everyone and I thought that if they just has someone believe in them, they would be this great person that I knew they could be. Because of this logic, I wore my emotions on my sleeve. I would tell anyone and everyone my life story. I thought that I could fine someone to listen and really care about my pain..like I did others. I never did find someone that listened the way I did. For a while, it didn't matter. Back then, I thought very little of myself. I guess I thought I didn't deserve to be understood.. to have someone listen and care about what I went through.
In the last year or so the perception of myself has changed. I value myself alot more. I like who I am. I don't let other's thoughts effect nearly as much. I figure they are going to think what they want to think no matter what I do. The thing I hadn't really let go of though, was that hope that I could find someone that cared enough about me to get to know me. To really listen to what I feel.
But then I had some things happen where that hope was tested. People that I thought understood why I felt the way I did or the depth of my emotions, never really did.
Honestly, this bothered me alot at first. I kind of shut down. I isolated myself. I thought that I was so dumb and naive for thinking I could find that person out there that could be all that for me. I pretty much stopped trusting people. Stopped letting them in.
I was like this for a good month. I know to most people a month isn't that long, but for me it feels like a lifetime. I get through things so much faster than most people do, so to isolate myself and cut myself off for a whole month seemed so long.
But then I saw how I was acting. I saw how mean I was becoming.. how resentful I was. I would pick at people who I cared about. I was mad at them for not being what I wanted them to be.
What I realized, however, was that the problem wasn't them. It was me. I expected them to be something they aren't. I'm really different in the way I handle things.. the way I care about people.. the way I interact with people is alot different than most people. I mean, even on PC, there are very few ENFJs. So why did I expect everyone to be like me? It's not that they don't care, they just don't handle people the way I do. So why should I fault them for that?
Realizing this has put me in a bit of a pickle. I now know that I can't expect what I used to expect from people because its just not realistic. So what should I expect? What is ok to expect and what is selfish? These are answers that I don't have at the moment and I'm sure will show themselves to me in time, but in the mean time, I'm kind of just hanging out there. I can't go back to the trust everyone naivete I had before and I certainly can't shut everyone else out. Either way I'm unhappy.
I wrote all this out for me, I think. I think that I knew I had to sort out the worries in my head, but I wasn't exactly sure of the question. After all.. how do you get answers if you don't even know the question?Writing this out helped me find that question.
I would love your comments and advice if you have any, but I won't be broken hearted if I don't get any response. This post was productive for me. lol
