[SJ] SJs Killing Spontaneity

[EJCC]

Yes, I kill spontaneity. Mercilessly and gruesomely.

But in all seriousness, yeah, I'm not big on it. If someone gives me a last-minute idea, I'm almost definitely going to say no. I wish I didn't do that, but I do. I'm fine with spontaneity when I don't have important plans, though. One example...
Friend: Hey, wanna go to a party tonight?
Me: Sure! I'm available.
(My previous plan had been watching TV all evening. I was still a bit annoyed for the short notice, but my plans weren't that important and the new plan sounded more fun.)

 

[Saslou]

Because I am strong J myself. One of the rare things that can I really enjoy is planning and killing sponteneity. However there a differences since my N is quite strong as well. Which means that I usually see outcomes more clearly then SJs so that makes difference in planning. For example I do less micro-managment then a typical SJ and I don't get annoyed by changes in plan that much. However I prefer organized to unorganized always.

I know you like killing sponteneity, but by occasionally thinking outside of the box (acting on spur of the moment ideas) and opening yourself up to new ideas, are you not then limiting your exposure to new ideas and experiences?
Afterall that is what life is supposed to be about, learning and growing.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I know you like killing sponteneity, but by occasionally thinking outside of the box (acting on spur of the moment ideas) and opening yourself up to new ideas, are you not then limiting your exposure to new ideas and experiences?
Afterall that is what life is supposed to be about, learning and growing.

What makes you think I don't think outside the box ?

 

[Rachelinpa]

Do you plan to beat the killer of spontaneity out of him by being more spontaneous? That might not work very well.

Of course! No. It's okay. He's funny. I'll keep him around. I think maybe it's a time thing... and eventually we'll just get used to it and it'll be less annoying and more endearing. Yay!

 

[Habba]

Fascinating. I often love being awakened from my slumber for a random conversation. It makes me feel thought of and loved.

Being awakened and having one's rest disturbed to talk about feelings
vs
Not being awakened and being granted a restful night and then having someone sharing their feelings.

For me, it's a no-brainer.

I plan to maximize the fun. If I have only limited amount of time, I want to make sure it will be spent most efficiently so that the time together will be maximized. Nothing annoys me more than having all the time wasted because of poor planning.

But plans should never be static. One can't see the future, so one should always be prepared for the changes, and be ready to adapt The Plan to fit the situation with utmost efficiency. That's why I always have plans up to letter T.

It's true that SJs are subject to be too rigid with their plans. It's just so easy to say "No" for everything that was not planned beforehand. I have learned to say yes to spontaneity when it calls and my plans are of minor importance.

But learn to value SJs for their stability and ability avoid catastrophes through careful planning! When all things fail, turn to the nearest SJ.

Edit: I think Yes-man was such a great movie about SJness and spontaneity. Not enough, and you are boring. Too much, and you get yourself in serious problems.

 

[d@v3]

At all. If anything, she plans for the possibility, which obviously defeats the purpose. She doesn't like her routine to be violated at all, so if I suggest alternative it just doesn't happen.

Like Rachel said, one "event" is typically enough for her and she'll be done for the rest of the night.

Busted... thanks Jock. You have revealed the SJ strategy to avoiding spontaneity. *starts writing a new strategy*

I'll admit it is a good idea... but how can you be certain if the person you want to be spontaneous with isn't busy? If I am already committed to something else, chances are I will not going to the "event" that night with you. Committment is almost the same as a promise. It would not be efficient if you put all the work into planning a "surprise" party for someone only to find they don't show up because they are out of town. LOL

 

[JocktheMotie]

Busted... thanks Jock. You have revealed the SJ strategy to avoiding spontaneity. *starts writing a new strategy*

I'll admit it is a good idea... but how can you be certain if the person you want to be spontaneous with isn't busy? If I am already committed to something else, chances are I will not going to the "event" that night with you. Committment is almost the same as a promise. It would not be efficient if you put all the work into planning a "surprise" party for someone only to find they don't show up because they are out of town. LOL

This is a problem, on my end. It is difficult to execute surprises or anything of that sort simply because they conflict with the expectation of her day, and make her uncomfortable. Funnily enough, I am required to outplan her if I want to surprise her, which is no easy task. Over our time together, she has slowly begun to realize that she is the largest obstacle when it comes to "cutting loose" a bit and she has gotten better.

And D@ve, if you want to surprise someone like that, you need to make plans to go out with them beforehand, and just take them to the new location.

 

[Saslou]

What makes you think I don't think outside the box ?

Quote you .. One of the rare things that can I really enjoy is planning and killing sponteneity.
Is not being spontaneous thinking outside the box?

 

[NewEra]

Quote you .. One of the rare things that can I really enjoy is planning and killing sponteneity.
Is not being spontaneous thinking outside the box?

I don't think they're related to each other. Thinking outside the box is thinking about something in different and novel ways. Sponteaneity is just... being impulsive and spur-of-the-moment.

 

[d@v3]

Usually when I attempt to be spontaneous, I end up saying... "wtf was I thinking?! " Hence, the planning.

 

[Clonester]

Funny my ESFJ friend tells me she's really boring sometimes. She is a lot of fun actually, but in a very planned and structured way. But if I plan something last minute she NEVER comes, despite the fact we've been friends all our lives. If she has a spot in her schedule open and I book her in advance, she'll come.

We had a conversation about this last week about this contrasting nature between us. I told her I rarely know my weekend plans until Friday or actual day. If someone else doesn't plan something I'll call up friends and we'll do something. It never fails me. She has a lot of her life booked two months in advance.

And yet we both have very active social lives. Both methods produce the same result. Though her desire to plan everything also means she misses out on a lot of fun. And my last minute plans don't always work 100% the way I want them to.

 

[IZthe411]

Usually when I attempt to be spontaneous, I end up saying... "wtf was I thinking?! " Hence, the planning.

Yeah you kill it by stressing out the whole time you're supposed to be enjoying it.

I called out of work in April- because I had someting I NEEDED to do, and felt like I needed to go to confession.

 

[Saslou]

I don't think they're related to each other. Thinking outside the box is thinking about something in different and novel ways. Sponteaneity is just... being impulsive and spur-of-the-moment.

OK .. To do something spur of the moment is doing something in a different manner, esp if your not usually accustomed to being spontaneous. They both require though, a simple yes or no.
Maybe i am just thinking black and white. Never mind.

 

[Lightning_Rider]

Gotta admit I would think it to be pretty weird if someone called me at 2AM and I was already fast asleep. Unless it was an emergency or at the least felt it couldn't wait till morning. And yeah, I hate being forced into being spontaneous. I like to plan things out and then have those plans executed exactly how I planned them to happen. A little deviation is alright as long as the plan generally holds its shape.

But don't force him too much Rachel... if he is a J, then that's part of who he is and he won't want to be changed. There was once this girl that tried to tell me how much she hated planning and how I 'needed' to be more spontaneous (before I knew about MBTI) and since I was young I almost let her talk me into believing that, even though I am pretty J and being P is quite hard for me. But really, you don't want to try and change who he is, he won't appreciate it and in the long run it won't be healthy for the relationship. I think you've either got to accept it as part of a being a J or move on. I think you know that though, but just sayin'...

But at the same time, it's important that he be willing to compromise a bit too. So spontaneous once in a while, but you have to stick to the plan sometimes as well. I think if you are both aware of this difference and you are both willing to compromise an equal amount as needed, then things will go much more smoothly...

 

[2XtremeENFP]

Me (3:13:12 PM): how come he gets to determine that anyway

Because they're SJs and they ALWAYS WIN

 

[Rachelinpa]

Because they're SJs and they ALWAYS WIN

I know, right. I sent him these posts and said, "I guess there are others like you." And, he wrote back, "Of course I'm right." Punk. awww! i love it.

 

[2XtremeENFP]

i got your back

 

[wrldisquiethere]

My SJ likes the idea of spontaneity. She just can't handle it actually being executed. At all. If anything, she plans for the possibility, which obviously defeats the purpose. She doesn't like her routine to be violated at all, so if I suggest alternative it just doesn't happen.

That is exactly me. The only way I keep from being extremely annoyed is by planning in advance for something to possibly change plans. If I've planned for spontaneity, I can handle it. Haha.

Yup, guilty as charged...I know I plan for the possibility all the time. Honestly, I am just a planner. I constantly think about what my next move will be, and how am I going to do it as efficiently as possible. If I have obligations to fulfill, forget it...spontaneity loses.

I think the only time you can catch me be spontaneous is if I am on vacation (or completely removed from any and all obligations). Otherwise, I just can't fully enjoy myself. I can force myself to go along with the action of being spontaneous, but my mind never quite allows me to be free of obligation.

Also, as for the calling at 2 a.m. thing -- Do NOT ever call me in the middle of the night to tell me something unless it is life-or-death important and requires some sort of immediate action on my part. It doesn't matter how much I may love you, I can assure you I will not want to talk to you at that time. See, this is the way my brain works if awoken in the middle of the night:

*conversation ends*
1) *conversation is replayed in head at least once*
2) What time is it?
3) Crap, that means I only have "x" hours until I have to be awake again
4) What do I even have to do tomorrow? *runs through mental schedule*
5) Is everything I need to do for tomorrow ready to go in the morning?

a) Yes, everything is done, don't worry about it....*continues to worry...surely I've forgotten something.* Or I will improve upon already-existing ideas​

b) No, you procrastinated and you still have stuff to take care of...now that you're up you should just go ahead and do it.​

6) *Eventually fall back to sleep many hours later, and awaken grumpy and tired the next morning*

You have ruined my night, I hope your conversation was worth it. Thanks a lot...lol!

I would second all of this. My mind is constantly thinking about what I need to do next. Constantly. Sleep is the only break I can get from this. Unless it's an emergency or I'm sleeping at an odd time of the day, an interruption will annoy me.

Even vacation...I can relax to some degree, but I am still somewhat in planning mode about my leisure time.

But in all seriousness, yeah, I'm not big on it. If someone gives me a last-minute idea, I'm almost definitely going to say no. I wish I didn't do that, but I do.

There have been times I have turned down an invitation and when someone asks why, all I can think of is, "My plan was to stay at home tonight."

I am surrounded by spontaneous people. I try so hard to be flexible, but it requires constant effort and patience. Even if a person's "new idea" is better than my old plan, my first response is going to be negative. I usually have to mull it over for awhile and get myself accustomed to the idea. Often later I will realize that it did turn out better than if my initial plan had been carried out. And, honestly, some of my most fun moments have happened when my plan has gone down the drain. So I try to give spontaneity a chance, but it's always difficult for me.

 

[Amira]

I am surrounded by spontaneous people. I try so hard to be flexible, but it requires constant effort and patience. Even if a person's "new idea" is better than my old plan, my first response is going to be negative. I usually have to mull it over for awhile and get myself accustomed to the idea. Often later I will realize that it did turn out better than if my initial plan had been carried out. And, honestly, some of my most fun moments have happened when my plan has gone down the drain. So I try to give spontaneity a chance, but it's always difficult for me.

Resurrecting another old thread here, I know. It just is funny reading the replies because they sound so familiar! Tip for you P people - give us a little warning that you want us to suddenly do x, say it's our duty/how much fun it would be/you really want us there, zoom off so we can't refuse, and then come back/call again a little later. That might help to get us used to the new idea so we can actually say yes! Or, it might be just something that works on me.

 

[valmc]

Where does all of this leave an ISF*?

No matter how many times I take the test, no matter if it is Keirsey or MBTI I still get a toss up on the J or the P.

I would like to believe that I get the best of both worlds.
I like some spontaneity, but enough is too much already!
I can go along with 'free form' and when it gets to chaotic, I know how to find my way home again Cheers.