[SJ] SJs and communication

[Giggly]

I usually do cut my hair when I can. But I can see why you'd mention that as it would seem a straightforward solution. Also if I tell her "Oh don't worry about it I just cut it myself last weekend" she gets kind of...whiny? I wish there was a better way to put it. And it's just one example of many similar stalemates we have.

Oh dear. lol
Bless your heart.

 

[poppy]

Oh dear. lol
Bless your heart.

 

[Jeffster]

Whatever you do, don't take Saslou's advice. Don't ever call her "Mum."

 

[poppy]

Whatever you do, don't take Saslou's advice. Don't ever call her "Mum."

I actually think it would be kind of funny if I adopted a British accent while doing what Saslou advised. I guess my mum might not take me seriously if I do that though

 

[Giggly]

Ohhh. OK then.

runKitty likes you to smack him around some.

I actually think it would be kind of funny if I adopted a British accent while doing what Saslou advised. I guess my mum might not take me seriously if I do that though

Doooit!

 

[Saslou]

runKitty likes you to smack him around some.

Are you trying to start some trouble here, missy?

Doooit!

Yes, do. Got to put on a posh English accent though and say something on the lines of ... ' Oh, mummy dearest, would one awfully mind handing one the communication device so one may make a rather important telephone call'.

Are you actually saying that out loud now. Lol. Bet you are. I am.

 

[Giggly]

Are you trying to start some trouble here, missy?

 

[Saslou]

Yeah, i know your game. Act all sweet and innocent and when i walk away you get your teeth into everything and slobber everywhere. I've seen your type before. Lol.

But you are soooo damn adorable.

 

[Bubbles]

So how do you respond to an ISFJ mom who absolutely cannot stand a day without commenting on your mood? And then proceeds to try and explain you out of said mood if she finds it inappropriate for the situation? Then accuses you of complaining about it and starting a fight when in fact you did nothing of the sort?

I don't speak SJ well. ^^;

 

[Giggly]

So how do you respond to an ISFJ mom who absolutely cannot stand a day without commenting on your mood? And then proceeds to try and explain you out of said mood if she finds it inappropriate for the situation? Then accuses you of complaining about it and starting a fight when in fact you did nothing of the sort?

I don't speak SJ well. ^^;

Like sas suggested to poppy, you could try telling her that you'd feel much more loved if she just accepted you the way you are. also maybe reassure her that you're not dying or anything? That you'll be okay but that you have normal moods.

 

[Bubbles]

She thinks I'm sick because I'm so tired lately! And when I say I'm not, she looks at me strangely, and then comments on how distant I'm acting and how I never answer her questions and how she's convinced I have some problem.

So I go, "Mom, I'm just a little tired, I don't know why. I'm not trying to worry you. Just give me a little space, I need some time alone."

"Well I've been working all day and I'm doing just fine, so you definitely be a little more upbeat. Besides, you have this-and-this-and-this to look forward to, why aren't you excited? Is something on your mind?"

And it goes in circles, lol. And then I snap. And then she snaps. And then we leave.

I ask her to leave me alone, that I just feel some ways sometimes for no reason, and she says she will, buuuuuuut.

 

[Giggly]

Ohmygod, Feeling overload! lol You guys are teaching me what not to do if I ever have a daughter.

 

[Saslou]

So how do you respond to an ISFJ mom who absolutely cannot stand a day without commenting on your mood? And then proceeds to try and explain you out of said mood if she finds it inappropriate for the situation? Then accuses you of complaining about it and starting a fight when in fact you did nothing of the sort?

I don't speak SJ well. ^^;

Oh my head hurts just hearing this. Poor you.

Ohmygod, Feeling overload! lol You guys are teaching me what not to do if I ever have a daughter.

Have son's instead. So much easier.

 

[SubjectA]

So how do you respond to an ISFJ mom who absolutely cannot stand a day without commenting on your mood? And then proceeds to try and explain you out of said mood if she finds it inappropriate for the situation? Then accuses you of complaining about it and starting a fight when in fact you did nothing of the sort?

I don't speak SJ well. ^^;

It's like when you train puppies. If a puppy starts playing, but they're bite is getting a little too hard, you're supposed to yip to let them know they're hurting you. They usually stop right away. (Seriously, it works!)

In other words, I'd let her know she's stressing you out and upsetting you by doing that. In plain English. She should get the hint, and hopefully refrain from doing it again.

 

[Poki]

poppy, if she's insisting on getting your hair cut, how about you just cut your hair yourself? I think if you did it, as opposed to mentioning to her that you can do it yourself, she will see the results and then have no more qualms. I'm wondering if there is an issue here of you not actually wanting to cut your hair, which is a whole other can of worms to deal with in terms of your mother wanting something else for you.

Its fun watching Js argue because they are both trying to convince the other person of something they want so they can inturn get what they want. I have done this, its a J trait, but we are all partially J.

Me and my son take turns listening to songs. Yesterday when it was my turn he suggested a song he likes that he knows I like. I picked this up right away and I had no problem with this compromise so I went along with it

 

[Bubbles]

Okie. Spent the day with my mom and things seem to have calmed down. I told her in plain English without getting *upset* and *defensive* this time that it bothers me when she does that, and hopefully it helped. Getting defensive, after all, just makes her more aggressive.

Thanks, you lovely SJs you.

 

[Saslou]

Okie. Spent the day with my mom and things seem to have calmed down. I told her in plain English without getting *upset* and *defensive* this time that it bothers me when she does that, and hopefully it helped. Getting defensive, after all, just makes her more aggressive.

Thanks, you lovely SJs you.

Yayyyy. Good for you.

 

[Bubbles]

Fun anecdote following said conversation:

My mother comes up to me today and laughs a bit before saying, "So I took your advice today and decided to back off on interrogating my daughters. I take your sister to a doctor's appointment, sit in the lobby and open my book instead of questioning her, and you know what she does?"

"What?"

"She asks me if I'm going to close my book and finally ask her about her day, that she's bored out of her mind and wants to talk. Clearly, I need to parent all my children quite differently."

My sister is ESFJ. I was incredibly amused, and so was my mom.

 

[Lambchop]

Fun anecdote following said conversation:

My mother comes up to me today and laughs a bit before saying, "So I took your advice today and decided to back off on interrogating my daughters. I take your sister to a doctor's appointment, sit in the lobby and open my book instead of questioning her, and you know what she does?"

"What?"

"She asks me if I'm going to close my book and finally ask her about her day, that she's bored out of her mind and wants to talk. Clearly, I need to parent all my children quite differently."

My sister is ESFJ. I was incredibly amused, and so was my mom.

That is SUCH a cute story!!

Personally, as an ISFJ mom....I would say to the original poster (sorry, can't recall the name...I'm getting old!) that if your mom is scheduling those appointments for the two of you, it isn't about your hair or your nails - she just wants to spend some quality time bonding with you and that's how she goes about trying to do it. Maybe if you suggested something else that the two of you do together or make reservations for something that you WOULD like to do and then tell her, you could get a pattern going of spending some time with her doing something together...and when you explain about the hair cut, it won't matter as much because she's getting the other time with you. Just an idea. As an ISFJ, I love spending time with my kids and in the past...I've tried to suggest things to do together. But at they get older and their interests change, I find myself having to find new things to suggest to do together. However, even taking them to the dentist to get their teeth cleaned is time spent with them...and I'd take that over nothing!

Secondly Bubbles, as an ISFJ mom...but on behalf of all moms, we just want our kids to be happy. Not only that, but we tend to intuit the emotions of people around us (healthier ISFJS have learned how to separate themselves and do this less...but it is difficult for even the best of us), so it brings us down when others are upset that we care about. In her own way, your mom just wants you to feel better. I think you handled things in a good way! And I love the cute story you told! It is so true about my two boys, who live at opposite ends of the spectrum (ENFJ and ISFP), that one works with one, doesn't work with the other. I want to be a good parent and understand the best way to relate to each of them, but sometimes it can be so confusing! Just know that we love you and we're doing the best we can, too. Kids don't come with manuals (GOD, I wish they did!) and we have to figure it out as we go. Annoying or not, it all comes from a good, caring place with us!

 

[Giggly]

Fun anecdote following said conversation:

My mother comes up to me today and laughs a bit before saying, "So I took your advice today and decided to back off on interrogating my daughters. I take your sister to a doctor's appointment, sit in the lobby and open my book instead of questioning her, and you know what she does?"

"What?"

"She asks me if I'm going to close my book and finally ask her about her day, that she's bored out of her mind and wants to talk. Clearly, I need to parent all my children quite differently."

My sister is ESFJ. I was incredibly amused, and so was my mom.

hehe she's learning.