Sexuality According to Lil Kim, Monica Lewinsky, and Dan Savage

[proteanmix]

Today I felt like listening to some late 90s Lil Kim and I found my Hardcore playlist and went driving.

So while I'm driving I'm thinking about how influential this album was to my burgeoning sexual ideology and how I thought oral sex was so disgusting (at the grown and sexy age of 15....should it have been? I don't know.) until listening to Lil Kim elucidate the finer details all because the more I listened to it the less disgusting the idea became to me. I remember a few years later the whole Monica Lewinsky scandal, discovering Dan Savage's Savage Love column around my freshman year of college, Girls Gone Wild Video commercials, a few old school 2 Live Crew/Luke videos all mixed and matched with my religious beliefs to forge something I'm not sure how to describe.

These events had a tremendous influence on what I think is and isn't OK in bed, what I would/wouldn't do, cautionary tales, and hmmm that sounds interesting, can't wait to try that! The idea that I can pinpoint pivotal moments and influences in my sexual framework and it's not some unshaped mass of nothingness is like realizing when you're being formatted. Even now, it's like watching something on TV or listening to someone and actually feeling them begin to influence you and knowing that you're being influenced in that moment is a weird feeling.

When it happens to me I feel detached and slightly dreamy. Like when someone is talking me into buying or doing something and I think to myself, "oh, they're selling to you. You're getting a sales pitch, probably scripted. Do you want to fall for it?" Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't but when I realize it's happening and if it's influencing my mind is like watching foundations of some new architectural miracle being built. Knowing that in that moment, you're clay and someone's molding and shaping you.

I can name my sexual influences just like I can name the most influential books in my life, or people, or events. I'd never thought about it before, I mean I knew it came from somewhere but actually thinking about how a pieces of it was shaped is illuminating. And I'm using past tense because I'm pretty sure the foundation of what it is and what it will be is already laid. Not that I don't think there won't be any variation, but it will still retain it's basic shape.

I may turn this into a thread on the forum, I don't know.

 

[disregard]

Hmm.. I've never felt that influenced by what musicians and celebrities say about sex. I've always assumed what they were saying was being said for publicity. Shock factor. And anyway, they're just another human. Probably aren't anyone I would admire or model myself after due to the fact that theyr'e in show biz. Perhaps I missed the point of your post.. It's a little abstract and I'm really tired.

 

[disregard]

My biggest influence on sexuality has been my mom. My entire childhood she overprotected me and made me think that everyone was out to molest me, and so now my biggest fear is physical intimacy. I'm kind of phobic. Thanks mom!

 

[heart]

Great post.

 

[proteanmix]

Thanks, heart.

Dana, did you talk about blow jobs with your mom, cause I would have freaked out! My mom said pussy once when I was a teen and I nearly fell out on the floor.

I guess what I was trying to get it is the unconscious way we get influenced by what we see and hear and how the filters through without us even realizing it and if we do realize it it may not be until years after the fact. I mean we get influenced and shaped some way. My environment shapes me. What I let into my mind influences me.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

The biggest influence on my sexuality is... Lil Jon, and the Ying Yang twins, without whom I would have never learned how to treat women in the most degrading ways to cross the human mind.

Thank you lil jon...

and skeet skeet.




I'm so kidding.

 

[marm]

I'm sure my sense of my sexuality has been influenced by pop culture, but I couldn't tell you how.

 

[heart]

Sexually explicit romance novels were a big influence on me in my teen years. The emphasis on love and sex being always linked together with the emotional initmacy of the act, the merging of male and female energy, opposites coming together as one.. that being the goal of the sex, not merely the physical pleasure, the pleasure in fact made greater by the emotional.

There are many tantric/Tao type ideas woven into romance erotica. The mating of the whole person, a type of mystical esoterica in between the lines. That was incredibly intoxicating an idea to me even in my early teens.

I think that is the only "pop culture" source I took seriously. Or maybe I just clicked with them because of my own developing views? Who can say now? The idea of love and sex being somewhat sacred certainly plays into the Fi thing.

The other pop culture portrayals of sexuality I sort of saw as "base" and beneath my notice and sexuality based on respect and love became my ideal and what I wanted to experience.

Other people in my life also influenced my sexual views but I would rather not go there.

 

[proteanmix]

Yes! I completely forgot about romance novels. What you said is very true, I just hadn't analyzed it that far yet.