Secret to happiness...

[Frosty]

Is low expectations?

The Secret to Happiness and Compassion: Low Expectations | Psychology Today

A new MRI study from University College of London indicates that the secret to happiness is low expectations. Author and neuroscientist Robb Rutledge says, “Happiness depends not on how well things are going but whether things are going better or worse than expected.”

What do you think?

 

[á´…eparted]

This somewhat strikes me as a "water is wet" kind of study. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but it does lack impact because of it. It's well known in psychology circles that "should" statements make it more likely for an individual to experience disappointment. Too many broken "shoulds" and an individual will get upset. Really, should statements add up to creating higher and higher expectations.

At this point, I don't believe there is a key to happiness. There is too much variance with people, and as a result there is no good forumula to apply to everyone. For as many people who are happier with lower expectations, there are others who are uneffected, or has no correlation to their personal happiness.

 

[Tellenbach]

I read an economics book and it says that happiness comes from earned success. If you work really hard at something and succeed at it, that makes people happy.

My peak happiness period was from 2nd through 6th grade. It's been downhill since. I would say that I was very happy during that period because I got to spend lots of time playing sports and spending time with people I liked and I didn't have to worry about adult stuff (paying mortgages, taking care of the kids, etc).

So basically: low stress + lots of fun = happiness

 

[Tomb1]

Good sex

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Using your talents to the best of your ability.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Using your talents to the best of their abilities to have good sex.

 

[Sacrophagus]

Giving zero fucks.

 

[anticlimatic]

Giving zero fucks.

Apathy is the depressed cousin of happiness.

 

[Sacrophagus]

Apathy is the depressed cousin of happiness.

Hell yeah. I'm desperately happy.

 

[Tellenbach]

From "Dhammapada", a Buddhist text: "If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him."

Maybe this is true; all those fat buddha statues show a very happy person.

 

[ceecee]

Is low expectations?

The Secret to Happiness and Compassion: Low Expectations | Psychology Today

A new MRI study from University College of London indicates that the secret to happiness is low expectations. Author and neuroscientist Robb Rutledge says, “Happiness depends not on how well things are going but whether things are going better or worse than expected.”

What do you think?

I don't think it's possible for many people to lower the expectations they have of and for themselves. Expectations of others, we don't have much choice but to have low to none. The time of holding people, in general, accountable for what they do and say has long past.

 

[anticlimatic]

Focusing on conscious expectations ignores the process of the study which instead focused more on incidental expectations brought about by previous experiences under the umbrella of one specific context: money. A better prescriptive conclusion than "lower your expectations" would be that early failure and disappointment on any particular subject opens the door later for more rewarding fulfillment regarding later successes in the same subject. Which is kind of a no brainer. Anyone who has ever been defeated by something as a child only to rise up and conquer it as an adult can attest to this special sort of jubilation.

Its why I always encourage people to try things they are doomed to initially fail at, and why I live that advice as often as I can masochistically gobble it up.

 

[Lark]

Is low expectations?

The Secret to Happiness and Compassion: Low Expectations | Psychology Today

A new MRI study from University College of London indicates that the secret to happiness is low expectations. Author and neuroscientist Robb Rutledge says, “Happiness depends not on how well things are going but whether things are going better or worse than expected.”

What do you think?

I think this sounds a little bit like contentment, which is a fine thing, I think of it as different from happiness.

Happiness I tend to think of as something that is remembered rather than experienced but then that is perhaps just me, I do think I'm generally pretty happy and spend as much time as I can in a good mood.

Stress and ill feeling is a little like its opposite ease and happiness, both are a pronounced change of feeling, perhaps also thinking, but normal business resumes when it passes and this normal business functioning is set, neurologically patterned on the brain. I dont believe I have experienced euphoric happiness, or much joy, perhaps when I was a child on my birthday, does anyone truly feel that again?, but I have laterly discovered what its like to experience overwhelming stress and I know better some of the signs and triggers now, its really bad news.

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I read an economics book and it says that happiness comes from earned success. If you work really hard at something and succeed at it, that makes people happy.

My peak happiness period was from 2nd through 6th grade. It's been downhill since. I would say that I was very happy during that period because I got to spend lots of time playing sports and spending time with people I liked and I didn't have to worry about adult stuff (paying mortgages, taking care of the kids, etc).

So basically: low stress + lots of fun = happiness

What book was that?

 

[Lark]

I don't think it's possible for many people to lower the expectations they have of and for themselves. Expectations of others, we don't have much choice but to have low to none. The time of holding people, in general, accountable for what they do and say has long past.

I know what you are saying, and in some respects you are entirely right, however, I think its important not to believe too much that accountability is a thing of the past because that's when someone resurrects it and chooses to use it against you, the most recent example discussed on this forum was the guy who had written some manifesto at Google.

I think I've thought about this for some time and probably will carry on thinking about it, if you have already low expectations of others you may not run the risk of disappointment, which could result in unhappiness, although if you have low expectations and someone then disappoints even those that's a real fix.

 

[Tellenbach]

What book was that?

It was Arthur C. Brooks' "The Battle". Brooks cited the 1996 General Social Survey (GSS) to support his contention that people who believe they have earned success are happy. The GSS found that people who feel very successful are about twice as likely to report feeling "very happy".

The book also explains that money or wealth doesn't buy happiness. In 1972 the average income was $25,000 and 30% of Americans said they were "very happy". In 2004, the average income was $38,000 and 31% said they were "very happy", so not much difference despite a 50% increase in income.

The book also pointed out that people on welfare are far unhappier than equally poor people who aren't on welfare.

Brooks gives 3 reasons why earned success delivers happiness: earned success creates optimism, meaning, and control over our lives.

 

[Population: 1]

Join the INFP club. I jest. Sort of. I could give two shits about status and power which are the two things society pounds into your brain from childhood. The fact of the matter is most people are not going to attain power and are not going to be financially wealthy. Set their expectations up for that being the prize and of course people are going to get sulky. I get down about the intangibles and the fact humanity seems to be consumed by such hollow goals.

The universe is amazing and incomprehensibly huge with all sorts of incredible things waiting to be discovered and we're still sitting here killing each other for power and glory. It's like someone says to you hey we've got this incredibly huge mysterious realm that you could be exploring but your friends are all intent on squabbling over one tiny island in a corner of the map because ________ insert petty stupid reason. Sometimes I just want to slap humanity- repeatedly. While blasting Ship of Fools by World Party out of a killer sound system. You know the kind of system that loosens fillings and causes small animals to explode.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

 

[Lark]

It was Arthur C. Brooks' "The Battle". Brooks cited the 1996 General Social Survey (GSS) to support his contention that people who believe they have earned success are happy. The GSS found that people who feel very successful are about twice as likely to report feeling "very happy".

The book also explains that money or wealth doesn't buy happiness. In 1972 the average income was $25,000 and 30% of Americans said they were "very happy". In 2004, the average income was $38,000 and 31% said they were "very happy", so not much difference despite a 50% increase in income.

The book also pointed out that people on welfare are far unhappier than equally poor people who aren't on welfare.

Brooks gives 3 reasons why earned success delivers happiness: earned success creates optimism, meaning, and control over our lives.

Never heard of him.

I think its bullshit about people being as poor as those on welfare and happier, no way that could be true unless they are experiencing a less precarious existence. And I cry absolute bullshit on any findings, anecdotes etc. which suggest that money does not buy happiness, true that over a longer term there's a law of diminishing returns, no doubt, same could be said of most things but I am yet to hear or see anyone who was made miserable by a windfall or lottery win, not a one has been on TV saying they are now saddened by their win.

 

[Tellenbach]

but I am yet to hear or see anyone who was made miserable by a windfall or lottery win, not a one has been on TV saying they are now saddened by their win.

The topic of happy lottery winners is covered in the book. What studies have found is that there is an immediate boost in happiness, but this levels off to baseline happiness after only several months. The lottery money actually diminished the happiness derived from all the goodies purchased with it. When one is poor, eating out at an expensive restaurant might be a thrilling experience, but if you're able to eat out every day, then it becomes routine and not as exciting.

Eating steak and lobster every day loses its appeal after a couple of weeks, but a poor person who can only afford lobster once a year will enjoy it a lot more.

 

[Population: 1]

Never heard of him.

I think its bullshit about people being as poor as those on welfare and happier, no way that could be true unless they are experiencing a less precarious existence. And I cry absolute bullshit on any findings, anecdotes etc. which suggest that money does not buy happiness, true that over a longer term there's a law of diminishing returns, no doubt, same could be said of most things but I am yet to hear or see anyone who was made miserable by a windfall or lottery win, not a one has been on TV saying they are now saddened by their win.

Money doesn't buy happiness, it makes it easier to do things that make you happy that require money to do.

I'll give you an example of something that made me happy that couldn't be bought with currency or anything else because it happened by chance. I was working one summer in my early twenties as a house painter. The group I worked with was painting the house of a man who played the bagpipes. I love bagpipes. Well one morning we rolled up to his house and were finishing our coffee and having cigarettes and he began playing in his backyard. A beautiful relaxed piece that just drifted and echoed wonderfully into the trees and after a few minutes a mist rolled in as he was still playing. It was magic. You can't buy that. Sure if you had the money you could pay a guy to play and use a fog machine to recreate that but the point is it was priceless and powerful because it happened organically. Those are moments in life being rich or poor makes no difference.

 

[Red Memories]

I think they got the idea of low expectations, so people are not so easily disappointed.

I think the key to happiness involves Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You need security and sustenance, etc. to be truly happy. If you have each pinnacle, you will be a truly happy, well person.