LucrativeSid
New member
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2007
- Messages
- 837
I want to stop thinking too much. I want to do things even if I don't have grand reasons for doing them. I want to work hard even if it doesn't seem worth it. I want everything to be different, including my thoughts and behavior. Why? Because nothing could possibly be worse than this. I've got nothing to lose.
It will probably be a positive experience, but even if it's not, it won't kill me. And even if it does kill me, at least I will have exhausted all of my options and ended my misery peacefully.
The only way to go from here is up. But I don't even want to measure my progress or talk myself up. I don't even want to think. I just want to get moving that at some point in the future, I'll take a look at my life and realize that it's not a wasteland. I've always gone after knowledge and truth ferociously, but I've always shied away from any kind of real effort. And this is the only thing left. To try. To try! Oh, such work, trying is.
I had today off. I was completely free. I could have done anything, but every time I woke up, I just felt like taking a nap. Why can't I get moving? It's probably because of something that I've added to my brain over the past few years, not something that was included with it from the beginning. Time to refresh. Cleanse my brain. Don't even question this stuff anymore. Must change thought patterns. Change actions, change thoughts, change habits.
Maybe something amazing is waiting for me just around the corner. That would be cool, I've got to admit. I'd be glad to find something worth living for. Regardless of how miserable and negative I've been, I've always thought I would eventually in some strange way. Time to find out? Hah. Let's not think that far ahead. That's what kills me.
It will probably be a positive experience, but even if it's not, it won't kill me. And even if it does kill me, at least I will have exhausted all of my options and ended my misery peacefully.
The only way to go from here is up. But I don't even want to measure my progress or talk myself up. I don't even want to think. I just want to get moving that at some point in the future, I'll take a look at my life and realize that it's not a wasteland. I've always gone after knowledge and truth ferociously, but I've always shied away from any kind of real effort. And this is the only thing left. To try. To try! Oh, such work, trying is.
I had today off. I was completely free. I could have done anything, but every time I woke up, I just felt like taking a nap. Why can't I get moving? It's probably because of something that I've added to my brain over the past few years, not something that was included with it from the beginning. Time to refresh. Cleanse my brain. Don't even question this stuff anymore. Must change thought patterns. Change actions, change thoughts, change habits.
Maybe something amazing is waiting for me just around the corner. That would be cool, I've got to admit. I'd be glad to find something worth living for. Regardless of how miserable and negative I've been, I've always thought I would eventually in some strange way. Time to find out? Hah. Let's not think that far ahead. That's what kills me.
