Question about Marriage proposals.

[theflame]

I was always curious about this. I've seen people in relationships for 3 years and they never proposed to that person but broke up...yet when they began a new relationship and was only with that new person for one year, they got engaged in one year.

How can you tell who to propose to? I don't think I'd be able to truly know who a person is within one year. I thought I "knew" people for 15+ years and they showed their true colors over time. I can't even be for sure I actually know someone in 10, 15 years, let alone one year to ask someone to marry within one year.

I just find it intriguing someone's with a person for 3 years but doesn't get married, but dates another person for only one year and is already engaged. Why with the other person they waited 3 years to be asked, and wasn't even asked, but this it was just one year?

How can you tell or you just can't tell and go with it?

Do you think you'd know a person enough to ask them to marry you in one year?

An ex of mine asked his 2nd girlfriend to marry him after only 3 months of dating and knowing her, 6 years later they are still together with 2 kids...his brother was in long term relationships for 3 years at a time and he's still single.

 

[Kanra Jest]

People are often ... hasty. That's how.

As for me. I am overly cautious which lends others to give up. I am fairly slow, gradual, and appreciate time to study and get to know the deeper self. Even then though, I am not one who has ever felt any slightest desire to marry anyone nor do I like the concept of being tied down...(Not generally the case with the other) Everyone seems always so eager and impulsive in so many ways to me. I read once that the divorce rate was at least 60% of all marriages... double checking, it is now that 41% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of 2nd marriages end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Doesn't bode well for the strategy people tend to use, or lack thereof.

No. I don't believe a year would be enough. A few years maybe..

 

[1487610420]

yes

 

[Amargith]

Some people are a pleasure to spend time with. Others are like oxygen - they fulfill a need that has gone without for too long.

There is also the age/maturity factor.

If you are not ready yet and not emotionally available, you wont change your ways. Often, it takes something as painful as a break up or a big change in life for people to face those hard questions and become ready.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I couldn't know in a year because people show different sides of themselves over time, and I would also want to know how they felt about me after the initial excitement wore off. I agree with the OP, though, that you can know someone for a decade and they can still surprise you. People are always changing, so there is never a way to know absolutely.

 

[Lark]

I can tell after two weeks if I've a future with someone.

 

[Poki]

Some people are a pleasure to spend time with. Others are like oxygen - they fulfill a need that has gone without for too long.

There is also the age/maturity factor.

If you are not ready yet and not emotionally available, you wont change your ways. Often, it takes something as painful as a break up or a big change in life for people to face those hard questions and become ready.

A small amount fill both

 

[Habba]

I was always curious about this. I've seen people in relationships for 3 years and they never proposed to that person but broke up...yet when they began a new relationship and was only with that new person for one year, they got engaged in one year.

How can you tell who to propose to? I don't think I'd be able to truly know who a person is within one year. I thought I "knew" people for 15+ years and they showed their true colors over time. I can't even be for sure I actually know someone in 10, 15 years, let alone one year to ask someone to marry within one year.

The relationship doesn't end when you get married, you know. There's still plenty of time to find out what the other person is like. The question is not whether you know the other person throughoutly. It is about willingness to build a common future. It is mostly about trust, but also about will to work together. If you've got the other person figured out, the relationship might get stale.

I just find it intriguing someone's with a person for 3 years but doesn't get married, but dates another person for only one year and is already engaged. Why with the other person they waited 3 years to be asked, and wasn't even asked, but this it was just one year?

Sounds like me, actually. I met my wife very briefly after ending a relationship that lasted for few years. As I met my wife, I soon come to realize that all my previous relationships were missing a drive. She was the person I was willing to build my future with.

How can you tell or you just can't tell and go with it?
Do you think you'd know a person enough to ask them to marry you in one year?

It might actually be more of a question whether you know yourself or not. Can you figure out in a year what would you want from your future?

People are often ... hasty. That's how.

As for me. I am overly cautious which lends others to give up. I am fairly slow, gradual, and appreciate time to study and get to know the deeper self. Even then though, I am not one who has ever felt any slightest desire to marry anyone nor do I like the concept of being tied down...(Not generally the case with the other)

Fear of mistakes sounds pretty similar.

Everyone seems always so eager and impulsive in so many ways to me. I read once that the divorce rate was at least 60% of all marriages... double checking, it is now that 41% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of 2nd marriages end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

100% of life leads to death. People don't get married because of the outcome. Getting a divorce doesn't mean that the marriage was a mistake. It only means that the marriage has no use in the future. This is one of those where journey is more important than the destination.

 

[theflame]

People don't get married because of the outcome. Getting a divorce doesn't mean that the marriage was a mistake. It only means that the marriage has no use in the future. This is one of those where journey is more important than the destination.

When I get married, it's only going to be to one person. So I have to be sure to find a person I can trust that I'll know will work out things whenever something comes up and not just use the excuse just because there's divorce, divorce is the option. So, I have to weed out the people who think divorce is an option. I didn't get married to get a divorce, so I'm taking my time getting to know people.

 

[Habba]

When I get married, it's only going to be to one person. So I have to be sure to find a person I can trust that I'll know will work out things whenever something comes up and not just use the excuse just because there's divorce, divorce is the option. So, I have to weed out the people who think divorce is an option. I didn't get married to get a divorce, so I'm taking my time getting to know people.

While it's good to show commitment towards marriage, it has to be said that marriage should serve people, not the other way around. Life is full of mistakes, and sometimes it's best acknowledge the mistakes and move on. There's no goal to reach in marriage. There's no reward at the end. 50 years of bad marriage is not worth it.

 

[theflame]

While it's good to show commitment towards marriage, it has to be said that marriage should serve people, not the other way around. Life is full of mistakes, and sometimes it's best acknowledge the mistakes and move on. There's no goal to reach in marriage. There's no reward at the end. 50 years of bad marriage is not worth it.

I wouldn't even marry someone if the relationship was already bad to begin with. That's stupid. What's the point of marriage if people are going to flake when things get tough? Don't get married.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

It's because only through experience - trial and error - do you really learn what true love is.

 

[Poki]

The sooner the more chance you take. I got engage with first marriage after a year, but we scheduled the wedding 2 years out. It failed because of personality problems that didnt allow us to work through problems after 10 years.

I think it really depends on lots of different variables. Where each person is in life, etc.

My personal opinion is you MUST be able to actually resolve issues and you need to enjoy each others company together in general. With my current GF even when we are having issues we can just push the issue aside and enjoy each others company. Issues are side bars to resolve, they dont define our everyday interaction. With previous marriage, our issues is what created issues so they always spiralled. There is no real resolution and just stacked and multiplied. That is one of the biggest killers of relationships, the other is lack of interest. If you find someone who you enjoy the company then no matter what the interest stays. My GF enjoys certain things i dont care, but i enjoy being around her so i dont have to enjoy her interest. Vice versa. Our personalities mesh so just who we are keeps things fun and enjoyable.

I have not proposed because i have something in me i need to find first. Not something i am looking for in relationship.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Do you think you'd know a person enough to ask them to marry you in one year?

No.

Why even get married? Is there something that marriage offers you that cohabitation doesn't?

I was always curious about this. I've seen people in relationships for 3 years and they never proposed to that person but broke up...yet when they began a new relationship and was only with that new person for one year, they got engaged in one year.

How can you tell who to propose to? I don't think I'd be able to truly know who a person is within one year. I thought I "knew" people for 15+ years and they showed their true colors over time. I can't even be for sure I actually know someone in 10, 15 years, let alone one year to ask someone to marry within one year.

I just find it intriguing someone's with a person for 3 years but doesn't get married, but dates another person for only one year and is already engaged. Why with the other person they waited 3 years to be asked, and wasn't even asked, but this it was just one year?

How can you tell or you just can't tell and go with it?

An ex of mine asked his 2nd girlfriend to marry him after only 3 months of dating and knowing her, 6 years later they are still together with 2 kids...his brother was in long term relationships for 3 years at a time and he's still single.

Watch this, it's very helpful. I have 2 daughters, 16 & 14 and we've watched this together. Alain offers up excellent advise.

 

[ceecee]

No.

Why even get married? Is there something that marriage offers you that cohabitation doesn't?



Watch this, it's very helpful. I have 2 daughters, 16 & 14 and we've watched this together. Alain offers up excellent advise.

I think this sums it up a little better, in less time.

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?_r=0

Basically what he is saying is that people get lost in the romanticism. I don't care for isms so when I hear this I immediately think - great yet another one. But the whole idea of rejecting romanticism is going to apply to any relationship, married or cohabitation.

"We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners."

While I don't have any problem with the above and I think it's good advice, it probably requires a more mature person to really understand what it means. Immaturity is a large portion of the problem in marriages.

But until laws in this country change to make cohabitations and unions without marriage more legit, people are going to keep getting married because legal protection for a spouse carries more weight than a partner. It's why LGBTQ wanted the option and that's why they got it and there are folks that want the religious aspect recognized and they should have it, regardless of orientation. But I'm a little tired of the marriage is just a piece of paper crowd thinking they can have an opinion on any marriage, mine included. Just worry about yourselves. Same as the people that want to interject their opinion on same sex marriage. Just worry about yourselves.

 

[tinker683]

I knew I wanted to marry my wife after only dating her for a few months. The only reason I waited for over a year from then was to be pragmatic about it and make sure I was making the right choice.

We've been married for over a year now and I still wake up every morning feeling like I did.

To answer your question: If you're not sure, then you're not ready