My pov; how I perceive when Fi is pretentious....
I have met people who were Fi dom or aux (or for whom Fi is quite relevant), and the differences between those whose Fi I can swallow, and even admire, and those whose Fi irks me because of its sanctimonious attitudes are outlined as follows:
(I'll call it good Fi, GF, and bad Fi, BF) - note, I'm a Ti user, so it's the perception of an NeTi on Fi.
- GF is when the person sees that their Fi is not just squarely the fault of the other who induced it in them, but, also they, themselves, have a huge part in it, in how they processed, and how they navigated their Fi.
As such, BF is when the person places the blame of the negative feelings induced in their Fi squarely on the source/trigger of that Fi, the other, and, holds strong to their righteousness to feel Fi any way they damn well please.
This gives rise to repeated attempts to either garner sympathy, play the victim card, defensiveness, which is often passive-agressive, and clear cut, I refuse to engage with you because the fault is clearly all yours....because I don't want to get hurt again. These people fail to realise that the hurt felt by them is not only the giver of the hurt, but how the receiver took it in. They only acknowledge the former, and the latter gets a free pass.
- GF is when the person can separate the criticism of an idea with the criticism on the person, and willing to meet halfway to clear up the difference of an attack on an idea versus an attack on a person, rather than retreating backwards, and saying, "I don't like you because you made me feel this way." (BF)
Such displays of BF is grossly unfair because I, at least, didn't say I don't like you, but your idea, so for them to react to my whole being makes it feel as if it's an unfair retaliation.
- appeasing the Fi, there seems to be an extra effort that I need to make for those with BF, like prepping them for me, me approaching them, before I can even approach. And, I need to not only concern myself with my approach but keep on appeasing the Fi and making sure it's okay so that it continues to engage with me.
GF, on the other hand, does not need to be appeased. It is confident in itself, it can poke fun at itself, it can critique itself, it sees itself with flaws that, rather than being defended, should be open to other's evaluations. It's approachable, rather than prickly and thorny, and it doesn't selfishly ask that you pamper it first before you earn the ranks to speak to its being.
....
for those that wanna critique Ti, there's another thread, so please give me feedback on my ^ perceptions of Fi here, not, 'but it's YOUR Ti'.......go to the other thread to discuss that.
http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...ious-add-any-other-negative-adjective-ti.html