Positive and Practical Uses of Type

[ygolo]

I guess there has been a lot of "pigeonholing", "self-pigeonholing" and "excusism" going on with typology as a backing (I am guilty as well).

But can people relate positive uses of typology In Real Life?

For me the clearest positive use is in "lateral thinking", putting on different "hats" (S vs. N, I vs. E, T vs. F, J vs. P, Ne vs. Se, Se vs. Si ....).

This allows us to consider perspectives that we might not otherwise.

I also cosidered using it for a short hand for people I know, but I find that it is hard for me not to pigeonhole people once I do this. But I suppose if done without pigeonholing, this could help understand someone else.

I was wondering if people had positive experience of using type in real life (not just for speculation)?

 

[Natrushka]

I was wondering if people had positive experience of using type in real life (not just for speculation)?

Yes, I have. It helps me understand those people closest to me who are different. I am an INTJ living with an ISTJ and from time to time we simply don't see eye to eye. It's frustrating and it can lead to arguments. Knowing that we may interpret something differently, that it's how we collect and process information has helped me to not be so frustrated; it's helped me better our relationship. It's helped him as well; I used to think he thought I was being difficult on purpose. Turns out he did. Now he at least knows we are different, even though in many ways we're a lot a like.

 

[MacGuffin]

even though in many ways we're a lot a like.

I like that line.

 

[ygolo]

Yes, I have. It helps me understand those people closest to me who are different. I am an INTJ living with an ISTJ and from time to time we simply don't see eye to eye. It's frustrating and it can lead to arguments. Knowing that we may interpret something differently, that it's how we collect and process information has helped me to not be so frustrated; it's helped me better our relationship. It's helped him as well; I used to think he thought I was being difficult on purpose. Turns out he did. Now he at least knows we are different, even though in many ways we're a lot a like.

Was there resistance to the "I am different, so that's why I act the way I do" part ov the conversation? Did he think it was an "excuse"? If so, how did you get past that part of the conversation.

 

[Natrushka]

He still sometimes thinks it's rationalizing 'bad behaviour' as he likes to put it when he's upset, but he understands we are different, even though we approach things logically. He's much less introverted than I am, and he's big on 'keeping up appearances' and "not making waves" (but only with certain people), he thinks I am antisocial (I can be, but I can also be social) and he worries sometimes as to what will come out of my mouth when faced with a stupid comment from someone.

Misunderstandings happen less and less... I have to think hard to come up with a recent one (but I can!) whereas it used to be a weekly occurrence.

I am most grateful that he now understands I need my independence and autonomy and this need is not a reflection of how I feel about him.

 

[ygolo]

One of the issues I have is that you need the other peson to know about MBTI also to open the discussion. Considering that I really don't believe the typology myself, it is hard to convinve others that I am the way I am not out of spite or due to lack of effort, but I am simply "wired" different.

Considering how often I have to say things like that, I actually start to believe that there is something "wrong" with me.

But I am glad to hear that the problems have reduced over time for someone in some situation due to using type.

 

[Natrushka]

What helped me get the concept across was a print out of the 'typical' ISTJ and INTJ relationship from personality pages. There's a lot of both of us in those descriptions. Then I pulled off his sister and he was hooked.

 

[ygolo]

What helped me get the concept across was a print out of the 'typical' ISTJ and INTJ relationship from personality pages. There's a lot of both of us in those descriptions. Then I pulled off his sister and he was hooked.

I see. I have found it hard to find people that match the discriptions that well. But I suppose the based them off some people. But I'll keep it in mind for cases when people do meet the discriptions.

The main thing I would like people to understand, is that there can be quite different fundamentally from them wihtout being bad.

 

[Natrushka]

Different is strange and that's often 'bad' to people. I know. I've spent a great deal of my life feeling left out and misunderstood. That part I do get.

 

[ygolo]

True. I don't have too mauch of an issue with other "weird" people. They let me be.

"Differerent"/"strange" comes in all types. Some of what follows are tested results--they gave the test in many high-schools. My brother and sister took web tests, and the rest are speculations.

Some of my closest friends are ISTP/ISTJs who are "odd" (I think partly because they are exceptionally smart-- 1500+ on their SATs, top 10 of their class, etc.).

I have several "odd" ENTP and INFP friends. I know a couple of INT's at work that I am become closer with. Most of my chess buddies (I think a chess obsession would make them "odd") are NT's.

My sister is an ENFP and understands being "weird".

My brother is an ISFP. We have our issues, but I think it is mainly due to age difference. He is almost 10 years younger and he was just 7 when I left home. So it's almost like we don't know each other.

I have become close with several people from a bible study I go to (despite not being Christian). Most, I would say, are FJs, with a few FP's and NT's mixed in.

 

[cafe]

MBTI helped me understand that my husband genuinely has problems with making decisions that go beyond my dislike of them and he isn't just being passive aggressive when he won't make them in what I consider a timely manner.

I think that it has also helped him to understand that I am not trying to be controlling when I want to make a plan or ask him to make a decision and that I need those thing to feel secure, but he doesn't think it has helped him. That's fine. All I know is that the way he handled these things seemed to improve after we opened a dialog about P/J differences. Maybe he was just reacting to the change in my attitude and behavior.

MBTI has also made me more understanding of my SJ relatives. It has, also, I think, helped me to tailor how I work with my children to some degree.

 

[ygolo]

MBTI helped me understand that my husband genuinely has problems with making decisions that go beyond my dislike of them and he isn't just being passive aggressive when he won't make them in what I consider a timely manner.

I think that it has also helped him to understand that I am not trying to be controlling when I want to make a plan or ask him to make a decision and that I need those thing to feel secure, but he doesn't think it has helped him. That's fine. All I know is that the way he handled these things seemed to improve after we opened a dialog about P/J differences. Maybe he was just reacting to the change in my attitude and behavior.

MBTI has also made me more understanding of my SJ relatives. It has, also, I think, helped me to tailor how I work with my children to some degree.

Cool.

How did you keep it at an "understanding" level instead of a "(self)-pegionholing" or "excusing" level?

 

[The Ü™]

All I know is to never date an ExFJ -- I couldn't live with all the nagging.

 

[ygolo]

All I know is to never date an ExFJ -- I couldn't live with all the nagging.

"Positive and Practical"?

Please, do try again.

 

[The Ü™]

"Positive and Practical"?

Please, do try again.

I dunno, knowing who not to date is pretty positive and practical to me!

 

[ygolo]

I dunno, knowing who not to date is pretty positive and practical to me!

True.

But you may close yourself off to a wonderful ExFJ. But to each his own.

 

[cafe]

Cool.

How did you keep it at an "understanding" level instead of a "(self)-pegionholing" or "excusing" level?

I'm not sure that I entirely did. But I am lazy. I love efficiency and can be very pragmatic so I focus on what works and try to concentrate my efforts there.

What good does it do to excuse myself, etc if it doesn't get me what I want? I want to have understanding and harmony and mutual benefit. I want to have enjoyment and pleasantness. If I am concentrating on how everyone else can accommodate me I don't get what I want. I just get frustration.

 

[ygolo]

I want to have understanding and harmony and mutual benefit. I want to have enjoyment and pleasantness. If I am concentrating on how everyone else can accommodate me I don't get what I want. I just get frustration.

I've actually found the Satir modes and NLP works in conflicts (but it is really hard to do).

But I suppose knowing type can give a sort of "background understanding" when resolving conflict. I will try it to see what happens.

 

[cafe]

I've actually found the Satir modes and NLP works in conflicts (but it is really hard to do).

But I suppose knowing type can give a sort of "background understanding" when resolving conflict. I will try it to see what happens.

I rarely get into those kinds of verbal confrontations. Generally it's more subtle than that. I want more than just to avoid conflict. I want the people around me to be happy and to be satisfied with the interactions between us. I also want to be happy and satisfied. If I know how to honor the things that matter to them in our interactions, it is easier to negotiate and navigate.

In the case of getting a decision from my husband, I try to present a few (not unlimited) options that I am okay with. I avoid showing emotion when presenting the decision I want made and the options I'm suggesting. I let him know that I don't really care which thing he chooses or if he chooses something else altogether but I do need a decision. I tell him I don't need to know immediately, but within the next few days. I check back in with him about the decision if has not brought it up and listen to him explain his reasoning (it almost always makes very good sense). If I see a possible oversight in his data, I offer it in a polite way. I listen to what he says about the new data. I verify that I have his decision and what it is and I thank him for it.

This does not reduce his discomfort with the actual decision making, but it does seem to make him feel less pressured and keeps me from thinking that a decision has been made when he is simply listening to me without stating an opinion one way or another.

It is not a perfect system, but it is what I have developed thus far and I am pleased with the results most of the time.

 

[ygolo]

Glad to hear it

I rarely get into those kinds of verbal confrontations. Generally it's more subtle than that. I want more than just to avoid conflict. I want the people around me to be happy and to be satisfied with the interactions between us. I also want to be happy and satisfied. If I know how to honor the things that matter to them in our interactions, it is easier to negotiate and navigate.

In the case of getting a decision from my husband, I try to present a few (not unlimited) options that I am okay with. I avoid showing emotion when presenting the decision I want made and the options I'm suggesting. I let him know that I don't really care which thing he chooses or if he chooses something else altogether but I do need a decision. I tell him I don't need to know immediately, but within the next few days. I check back in with him about the decision if has not brought it up and listen to him explain his reasoning (it almost always makes very good sense). If I see a possible oversight in his data, I offer it in a polite way. I listen to what he says about the new data. I verify that I have his decision and what it is and I thank him for it.

This does not reduce his discomfort with the actual decision making, but it does seem to make him feel less pressured and keeps me from thinking that a decision has been made when he is simply listening to me without stating an opinion one way or another.

It is not a perfect system, but it is what I have developed thus far and I am pleased with the results most of the time.