Perfectionism

[elfsprin]

Share your thoughts on perfectionism. I’m going to reply with a facet I’d like to discuss, but discussion of any facet is valid.

 

[elfsprin]

I’m an INTp, and we’re known for being perfectionists.

I also was adopted and went through four abusive foster homes, which has influenced my innate tendency towards perfectionism quite a bit.

I find it’s very hard to disentangle what’s sort of ‘innate’ in me due to type, and what’s due to trauma. From the trauma perspective I am driven to be a perfectionist because “I must be perfect to deserve anything good and to avoid being harmed by others.” Whereas, I think type-driven perfectionism probably has more to do with sensitivity around “did I miss something and therefore is my conclusion not perfectly, logically correct *shame*.” Which is interesting if you think about it because INTPs are also generally open minded and willing to incorporate new facts into complex analysis which of course could change the logical conclusion.

I’m curious to hear from other INTPs what your experience of perfectionism is, and how other types experience perfectionism as well.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

I am also an INTP. My perfectionism comes both in the form of logical and personal perfectionism. I tend to fixate on my own capacity to be harmful or bad, so I'm very harsh on myself and expect near perfect behavior when it comes interacting with others and expect my existence/personality to be on par with my ideal self. Part of this probably comes from the fear of being harmed or harassed by others for my "faulty personality/existence." In the sense you described above though, I am also very perfectionistic about my own logic. I disdain jumping to logically flawed or blatantly incorrect conclusions, especially when that jumping comes from my own lacking objectivity. I tend to hesitate coming to a conclusion and sift excessively through data in order to ground my thoughts and refrain further from sharing those thoughts until I am certain they are perfected or at least acceptable. I've been trying to be more open recently to reverse that tendency though since I do like discussing things with others and that's the best way for me to learn.

 

[JocktheMotie]

I find, especially at the age I'm at (mid thirties), that I largely self censor and that there is a sort of internal perfectionism that my personal creations are subject to before they're "out" in the world. I'm generally trying to anticipate criticism as a way to ensure what I'm sharing is "right." If it's not right, that would mean my understanding is incomplete and I fundamentally don't want to do that.

Now, there are different arenas where I'm okay with a "minimum viable product," and again, if I can narrow the scope of something tightly enough I'm okay with things being incomplete or "wrong" under certain scenarios. This contrasts a bit with my desire to also "hash things out as we go" when I'm in a collaborative context; it's like the introduction of external agents give my mind "permission" to accept certain inadequacies for the greater good of the overall process, likely the result of Ne.

I find the balance to be important and refreshing.

 

[Evelu]

INFJ here hope you don’t mind. Thought I’d share a bit about my perfectionism.
I don‘t know how much of a perfectionist I am but I do know that I am a perfectionist and that it can be amazingly frustrating because there’s constant dissatisfaction with myself. I have high expectations of myself and often unconsciously set up the same expectations from people around me because I assume it’s the same for everyone.
Oh and then, we’ll that’s a personal additional factor, as the oldest sibling I‘ve always felt like being perfect would be the right example for my younger sister and at the same time I’d make my parents proud. I can’t tolerate when things don’t exactly go as I planned and will make everything until it’s the way it “should be”.
It’s hard to forgive myself when not having done something perfectly (or not good enough) but I’m trying my best, hoping that I’ll be able to forgive myself for being human.

 

[Maou]

I have a form of perfectionism, when it comes to doing tasks like cleaning, cooking, work etc. This is entirely the result of anxiety and abusive parents. I also have a bit of performance perfectionism. I think this comes from myself though.

 

[Novella]

I am a perfectionist at work but the opposite at home. Only income owner in family. Have my husband's son living with us and claiming illness at age 24 but we both suspect this is his narcissistic mother encouraging him to be dependent on us because my husband has a chronic lung disease and she has been blatantly clear about her intentions of claiming his estate.