People who refuse to change their unhappy situations.

[King sns]

I don't get the logic behind this.

 

[JocktheMotie]

There isn't any.

 

[King sns]

There isn't any.

There's gotta be some psychological thing going on there.

 

[Abstract Thinker]

Never underestimate the destructive power of confidence lost.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Denial/anger/fear/feelings of helplessness cripple problem solving abilities or undermine the motivation required to enact the solution.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't get the logic behind this.

You and me both!

 

[King sns]

Copy pasted from my thread:

One of my friends posts stuff like this on facebook.

As I get older, I like people less and less. Cant wait to get home and be away from people. My babies will cheer me up. What would I do without them.

She works in retail and makes minimum wage. She refuses to change her life around to make herself happier. Her "babies" that she is referring to are cats. She's Catholic- The kind that hates everyone else and their actions. She's a vegetarian and imposes her vegetarian beliefs on everyone around her. (Hates barbecues because it has meat, etc.)



She was my best friend in highschool. Our upbringings were similar. She has a clinical depression, doesn't want to up her meds or do anything about it. When I say, "go get an application for somewhere else" she says, "The grass is not greener on the other side." I feel like we're speaking two different languages. I can't stand this trait in people.

 

[Salomé]

I can't stand this trait in people.

If you can't stand your "friends", maybe you need to change your situation? Or maybe she'll find this post and change it for you.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Copy pasted from my thread:

One of my friends posts stuff like this on facebook.

As I get older, I like people less and less. Cant wait to get home and be away from people. My babies will cheer me up. What would I do without them.

She works in retail and makes minimum wage. She refuses to change her life around to make herself happier. Her "babies" that she is referring to are cats. She's Catholic- The kind that hates everyone else and their actions. She's a vegetarian and imposes her vegetarian beliefs on everyone around her. (Hates barbecues because it has meat, etc.)



She was my best friend in highschool. Our upbringings were similar. She has a clinical depression, doesn't want to up her meds or do anything about it. When I say, "go get an application for somewhere else" she says, "The grass is not greener on the other side." I feel like we're speaking two different languages. I can't stand this trait in people.

Lemme guess. ISTJ? ISFJ?

Actually, I feel like this to a large degree, but I just can't quit people, no matter how frustrated I can feel by them. Taking more meds might bandaid the problem, but it's really not her fault, or any of our faults, that our current mode of living is causing us cornucopias of grief. I'd be reticent to take meds too. I'd think the world needed to change, not me.

I hate when people push their agendas on others though, like with the diet. Food nazis are horrible! :steam:

 

[Halla74]

While having a few margaritas at a TGIFriday's after work one evening, I was hanging out with a table of folks who were all contractors from various industries that were building a new prison in a town about 45 minutes from here.

One of the fellows uttered a priceless pearl of wisdom toward the end of the evening.

A young man in the group was interested in one of the ladies, and she was interested in him, but not letting on that she was. As she and her friend left for the ladies room, the guy next to me told the young would-be ladies man the following: "You have to make the move big guy, if you don't act you will lose your opportunity."

The young guy said "I'll make a move when I feel it's the right time."

The other dude then said: "You are afraid of your greatness, not failure, everyone is."

I almost fell out, not only because the saying and the timing of the remark were classic, but because it is true.

FAILURE is easy to live with, there is no responsibility in managing its outcomes, but several free tickets to wallow in your own self pity.

Dealing with GREATNESS is a much more difficult matter. You must maintain your level of performance, you must not fall below a certain threshold, you must prove for more than a given moment that you have what it takes to be the man of the hour, the chosen one, the BBMFIC (Big Bad Motherfucker In Charge).

It is now my opinion that many people accept the role of the victim, in order to remain in the comfort of their failures, in order to forgoe trying to better themselves, in order be OK with barely maintaing the minimum acceptable level of performance that life places on them.

This type of thinking is a pity, for each moment we live is ours but once; each second that passses brings us one step closer to the grave. In my final moments the thoughts that will bring me solace are the great moments of my life, the times when I looked fate in the eye and forged an outcome of my choosing, the times when I rolled the dice on myself having what it took to make things happen and winning the bet. Those who embrace failure and mediocrity will pass into a different oblivion, unless they muster the courage to pursue their own greatness, and the fortitude to live with it once they attain it. umpyouup:

 

[OrangeAppled]

I think from the outside, people will see these unhappy people's situations as simple, but from their inside perspective, there are so many hurdles, it is overwhelming. It's not a stubborn refusal to change so much as a hopeless resignation. The worst thing you can do is offer a series of suggestions. In such situations, most people offer trite advice that is just patronizing to the unhappy person; likely, they have already thought of such things. What they need is someone to build them up & comfort them, so they have the confidence in themselves to find their own solutions.

I'd compare such a mental state to someone with a broken leg who wants to run a marathon. You could tell them they need to get up & start running if they ever want to be in shape, but that completely ignores the fact that their leg is broken and it's just plain going to take time & nurture to heal before they are strong enough to run again. It comes off as rather dense & insensitive to throw suggestions at them in the meantime. They probably know what they need to do anyway, so it's better to simply be supportive while they heal and encourage them when they do start to take some steps forward.

I definitely see how it can be draining to be there for someone emotionally and never see them make effort to improve though. At some point, if they feel like an emotional leech, then maybe it's time to cut them off. It could be a wake-up call...maybe.

 

[Abstract Thinker]

^^ That

and

^ That

Well said, both of you.

"Fear of greatness" and "hopeless resignation" both resonate with me.

 

[King sns]

Lemme guess. ISTJ? ISFJ?

Actually, I feel like this to a large degree, but I just can't quit people, no matter how frustrated I can feel by them. Taking more meds might bandaid the problem, but it's really not her fault, or any of our faults, that our current mode of living is causing us cornucopias of grief. I'd be reticent to take meds too. I'd think the world needed to change, not me.

I hate when people push their agendas on others though, like with the diet. Food nazis are horrible! :steam:

Yes, ISFJ- great guess.

 

[King sns]

I think from the outside, people will see these unhappy people's situations as simple, but from their inside perspective, there are so many hurdles, it is overwhelming. It's not a stubborn refusal to change so much as a hopeless resignation. The worst thing you can do is offer a series of suggestions. In such situations, most people offer trite advice that is just patronizing to the unhappy person; likely, they have already thought of such things. What they need is someone to build them up & comfort them, so they have the confidence in themselves to find their own solutions.

I'd compare such a mental state to someone with a broken leg who wants to run a marathon. You could tell them they need to get up & start running if they ever want to be in shape, but that completely ignores the fact that their leg is broken and it's just plain going to take time & nurture to heal before they are strong enough to run again. It comes off as rather dense & insensitive to throw suggestions at them in the meantime. They probably know what they need to do anyway, so it's better to simply be supportive while they heal and encourage them when they do start to take some steps forward.

I definitely see how it can be draining to be there for someone emotionally and never see them make effort to improve though. At some point, if they feel like an emotional leech, then maybe it's time to cut them off. It could be a wake-up call...maybe.

This, precisely- is what I do not understand.
There is rarely an odd situation with these people. From my perspective, it's like someone who thinks they have a broken leg or wants to have a broken leg so that they don't need to run a marathon. In this situation, it looks like the worst thing to do is comfort them and support them, as they have been sitting in their comfort zone for so long. People crawl out of bad situations and ruts all the time. There is no obstacle in picking up an application or just doing the one simple thing that's going to make the change. To me it all looks so helpless and lazy from people who don't necessarily have sincerely helpless situations.

In the case of my above friend, the first person who responded was, "I agree- it's terrible what working with the "public" will do to you." That's a comforting statement that won't get either of them anywhere. As if "working with the public" caused all of the problems to begin with. No ownership whatsoever.

 

[Sniffles]

From my perspective, it's like someone who thinks they have a broken leg or wants to have a broken leg so that they don't need to run a marathon. In this situation, it looks like the worst thing to do is comfort them and support them, as they have been sitting in their comfort zone for so long.

Well that's the thing, you're interpreting it that way and thus fail to understand the situation they're in; so thus one could claim you're not making a true effort to understand their predicament and offer the best possible help.

Yes people get out of trouble and ruts all the time, that doesn't mean they all get out the same way.

 

[King sns]

Well that's the thing, you're interpreting it that way and thus fail to understand the situation they're in; so thus one could claim you're not making a true effort to understand their predicament and offer the best possible help.

Yes people get out of trouble and ruts all the time, that doesn't mean they all get out the same way.

And others never plan to get out at all. I'm clearly one of those "tough love" folks. But some people have "tough love" friends, supportive friends, supportive families, supportive situations, all sorts of things. Some people don't have as much help, but it won't matter. There is absolutely nothing pulling them out of their ruts. It's a set broken mentality for some people.

 

[Sniffles]

But "tough love" doesn't work with everybody. Now are you actually interested in trying to help this friend, or are you just ranting about how many people don't want to improve themselves?

 

[King sns]

But "tough love" doesn't work with everybody. Now are you actually interested in trying to help this friend, or are you just ranting about how many people don't want to improve themselves?

Well both. What I'm saying though, is that gentle support will not work with her either. (I've done that side of the spectrum for her as well.) And she has supportive friends and family. I actually pretty much believe that there is a type of person who will not get out of this mindset no matter what happens to them. It seems to me that she/ they prefer it this way.

I'm a little more interested in knowing how they come to this conclusion/what's going through their heads.

(Right now I'm going to bed- can continue responding later!)

 

[Sniffles]

Could is be possible she wants to get out but is very confused as to how best do it?

 

[King sns]

Could is be possible she wants to get out but is very confused as to how best do it?

In her case, she's not dumb...
And changing jobs is not rocket science.