[so] On being a social Introvert

[SpankyMcFly]

I´ve taken the instinctual subtype test several times and have always gotten So-Sx. I especially identify with the description for Social 4´s http://www.enneagramworldwide.com/e...stinctual-subtypes/instinctual-subtypes-4.php

As I go through a normal day I´m mostly ¨floating¨ not really interacting with people unless prompted. Occasionally though someone will catch my eye and off I go. I tend to do quite well in 1 on 1 situations.

I often feel a push-pull. The introvert in me wants to save energy unless something really interests me and the social side of me wants to chat people up and assess the situation, nothing too long though. If I am in a group of 5 people I often find myself spending a couple minutes talking to each person then I move on. I often try to drag any introverts out of their shells and get them involved in whatever is going on or being discussed. If I get the feeling they really don´t want to have anything to do with anyone I leave them alone. It´s like I feel the need to ¨ping¨ everyone around me. The social urge will usually dominate my need for introversion and after a couple hours of socializing I´m totally drained and I need to rest. Over the years I´ve upgraded my batteries and I´ve noticed that I can last longer and my recharge sessions are shorter. I think my job has had a lot to do with this. I´ve worked in a supervisor capacity for about 15 years now so there isn´t 5 minutes that goes by that I don´t speak to someone at work. I´d call it an ESTJ type job.

My ESFP wife has accused me of being an incorrigible flirt. She sees the other side of me, when I´m at home, regaining energy and not talking to anyone, sometimes for hours so when we are out and I turn it *on* she is sometimes suspicious. I try to explain to her that I have no ulterior motives, that I just feel the need to chat people up, like she does although she is a true social butterfly and can hold down large groups with ease. She will counter, then why am I only sometimes like this...clearly I am after something... Oh well. I´ve tried to explain mbti-enneagram to her and her eyes glaze over as she peers at the ships on the horizon.

If you´re a social introvert pull up a chair, have a cheese-cracker snack and relax.

 

[Stansmith]

As I go through a normal day I´m mostly ¨floating¨ not really interacting with people unless prompted. Occasionally though someone will catch my eye and off I go. I tend to do quite well in 1 on 1 situations.

Not an introvert, but I can relate to this usually.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

I think a difference between extroverted So's and introverted So's is the need to make that initial engagement. I believe an extrovert will want to do so a lot more often than the introvert out of simple boredom? need to share? Whereas an introvert will weigh things out before making the decision to spend so much energy engaging in socializing with a particular group.

i.e. is this group interesting? are they fun? what can I do for them? can I be useful? Perhaps this perspective on my introverted So'ness is a function of my type + So. I dunno but I do wonder...

 

[skylights]

Ditto Stansmith. I'm an extravert in the MBTI, but pretty introverted socially. I generally would rather not have to initiate... I like to have rapport but I don't want to disturb the other person if they don't want to be disturbed, and I especially don't want to get stuck talking to someone unpleasant.

I feel you.

 

[brainheart]

Ditto Stansmith. I'm an extravert in the MBTI, but pretty introverted socially. I generally would rather not have to initiate... I like to have rapport but I don't want to disturb the other person if they don't want to be disturbed, and I especially don't want to get stuck talking to someone unpleasant.

I feel you.

It seems to me like dominant extroverted perceivers are always more introverted with people than those who are extroverted rational types. I know my husband, the few MBTI tests he took said he was an introvert, but extroverted sensing is without a doubt his dominant cognitive function. When he is in a group of people he doesn't know he can be more reserved than me at times, unless he shares a common interest with them.

 

[skylights]

It seems to me like dominant extroverted perceivers are always more introverted with people than those who are extroverted rational types. I know my husband, the few MBTI tests he took said he was an introvert, but extroverted sensing is without a doubt his dominant cognitive function. When he is in a group of people he doesn't know he can be more reserved than me at times, unless he shares a common interest with them.

Yeah, definitely. EJs seem way more extraverted than I am... way more directed. I think it's got a lot to do with their J and them primarily being environment-manipulators, while us Ps tend to be environment-responders. Sometimes IJs even come across as more socially extraverted when they've got an objective they're pursuing.

It´s like I feel the need to ¨ping¨ everyone around me.

Me too... I was thinking about this... or I really just wish I could get a hold of a newspaper of everything that is going on with everyone around me. I asked my close friend yesterday how I'm supposed to facebook stalk her properly if she doesn't update her information, which was a joke, but I totally meant it seriously in a way. I really want to know what is going on with everyone and I want to "ping" with them, even though I might not really want deep or extended interaction. But it really does take a lot of energy (sometimes even for a cognitive extravert, evidently) to reach out frequently like that.

 

[gromit]

Yeah I feel like I'm in the vague borderlands territory. Social introvert. Quiet extrovert. I tend to get along with people and enjoy company. But I also love to be home, relaxing, recharging. Sometimes it's as simple as moods.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

It seems to me like dominant extroverted perceivers are always more introverted with people than those who are extroverted rational types. I know my husband, the few MBTI tests he took said he was an introvert, but extroverted sensing is without a doubt his dominant cognitive function. When he is in a group of people he doesn't know he can be more reserved than me at times, unless he shares a common interest with them.

That's very interesting, and a reason I still can't rule out being an ENFP--I think I'm sooper introverted, but I guess a 4w5 will feel that way, and I'm a lot more identified with Si-inferior than Te-inferior. I'm just the same way as your husband.
[MENTION=8584]SpankyMcFly[/MENTION] I'm social-second, and I can relate to the whole "torn" between wanting to talk to people and discover the scene and between not feeling like bothering. I'm generally not as good at turning the charm on, though

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

I think I might be a So/Sx so it's not impossible.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Me too... I was thinking about this... or I really just wish I could get a hold of a newspaper of everything that is going on with everyone around me. I asked my close friend yesterday how I'm supposed to facebook stalk her properly if she doesn't update her information, which was a joke, but I totally meant it seriously in a way. I really want to know what is going on with everyone and I want to "ping" with them, even though I might not really want deep or extended interaction. But it really does take a lot of energy (sometimes even for a cognitive extravert, evidently) to reach out frequently like that.

Bingo, that's exactly what I meant by "ping". Like one of those "tickers" that run along the bottom of CNN/ESPN. A quick and dirty update or sit-rep.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Yeah I feel like I'm in the vague borderlands territory. Social introvert. Quiet extrovert. I tend to get along with people and enjoy company. But I also love to be home, relaxing, recharging. Sometimes it's as simple as moods.

Agreed, my socializing is often a reflection of my mood state.

 

[NKC]

I wonder if other social introverts have the problem where you make friends, only to piss them off by dropping off the face of the earth or only wanting to hang out minus the ways they're accustomed to. (Parties, Bars, etc). Push-pull is an understatement.

I'm a fan of this thread. For sure will be lurking(reading) ^.^

 

[SpankyMcFly]

I wonder if other social introverts have the problem where you make friends, only to piss them off by dropping off the face of the earth or only wanting to hang out minus the ways they're accustomed to. (Parties, Bars, etc). Push-pull is an understatement.

I'm a fan of this thread. For sure will be lurking(reading) ^.^

Indeed. Many a time I've engaged socially only for people to get the impression I love doing it or do so frequently, only to find out that I'm hot/cold and when I'm in energy conservation mode I can stay so for quite some time. On my two days off it is quite common for me to not see or speak to a single human being. This is by choice.

 

[Stansmith]

I wonder if other social introverts have the problem where you make friends, only to piss them off by dropping off the face of the earth or only wanting to hang out minus the ways they're accustomed to. (Parties, Bars, etc). Push-pull is an understatement.

I'm a fan of this thread. For sure will be lurking(reading) ^.^

I generally don't keep in contact with people or go through the whole texting/rapport game unless I actually want to make plans. I'll just drop by after 3 months of absence like "let's go to the movies". I find social graces and "how's it going" text conversations tedious, for better or worse. Probably for worse.

 

[Elfboy]

mostly I notice social introverts with a group, but hanging back analyzing and keeping track of everything that's going on.

I wonder if other social introverts have the problem where you make friends, only to piss them off by dropping off the face of the earth or only wanting to hang out minus the ways they're accustomed to. (Parties, Bars, etc). Push-pull is an understatement.
I'm a fan of this thread. For sure will be lurking(reading) ^.^

^this. most of the Social introverts I've met are extremely flaky

 

[Stansmith]

It seems to me like dominant extroverted perceivers are always more introverted with people than those who are extroverted rational types. I know my husband, the few MBTI tests he took said he was an introvert, but extroverted sensing is without a doubt his dominant cognitive function. When he is in a group of people he doesn't know he can be more reserved than me at times, unless he shares a common interest with them.

I think ESPs are more classically extroverted in social situations than ETJs. ETJs are usually somewhat even-keel in idle, agenda-less conversation. Although their extroversion becomes glaringly obvious when they're in charge of a group or something needs to get done. I'd say it goes:

EFJ
ESP
ETJ
ENP

Edit: Actually, I take that back. ETJ (ENTJ especially)>ESP at socializing/communicating.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

mostly I notice social introverts with a group, but hanging back analyzing and keeping track of everything that's going on.


^this. most of the Social introverts I've met are extremely flaky

Speaking for myself, I'd would agree with this generalization. I'd call it just "regular" flaky though, in so much it's mostly E's that would perceive it as "extremely". Other introverts are likely to empathize with a need for at least some alone time.

I think this has to do with who initiates mostly. I reciprocate often, it's that initial urge/need to reach out that I either don't feel or don't act on. Higher value people can get me to do just about anything with them.

 

[zelo1954]

I wonder if other social introverts have the problem where you make friends, only to piss them off by dropping off the face of the earth or only wanting to hang out minus the ways they're accustomed to.

Much more the other way round for me. As a supreme social introvert I have few friends. Those I do have I usually want more depth from than they are prepared to give. All goes well for a while and then the depth versus breadth problem emerges.

 

[TaylorS]

I'm an introverted 6w5 So/sx, and my social instinct comes out strongly in my left-wing political thinking. I have a bit of a neurotic psychological complex about "unity", I hate it when my comrades engage in sectarian bitch-fests rather than forming a united front.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

I'm an introverted 6w5 So/sx, and my social instinct comes out strongly in my left-wing political thinking. I have a bit of a neurotic psychological complex about "unity", I hate it when my comrades engage in sectarian bitch-fests rather than forming a united front.

Any So dom introverts out there? Surely I'm not the only one on these forums.