my life is crashing down

[INTJMom]

What in the world is going on with my relationships?!

First my mother got mad at me 2 days after I buried my husband because I hadn't applied to a school yet.
Then my father got mad at me and yelled at me while I was doing him a favor when I should have been sitting at the ocean grieving the saddest day of my life... the anniversary of the day I fell in love with my husband.
Then, a couple of nights ago, my 15 y.o. ENFJ son declares that his 19 y.o. ISTP brother is DEAD to him.
And now I found out that my 15 y.o. "can't wait" until he moves out because he doesn't like me. I feel like I got punched in the stomach. I thought he loved me.

He said I'm too "OCD" and always have to have my way.
I think it's because I make him do his chores.
I can't stop doing that!
He hardly does anything!

I guess if I want unconditional love, I'll have to get a dog.

 

[Tallulah]

Aww, I'm sorry! My guess is that your family is probably having trouble knowing how to deal with the unexpected death of your husband, and emotions are running high. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it from all directions, while you're grieving yourself. :-(

You know, getting a dog wouldn't be a bad idea...sometimes when I feel like humans don't "get" me, I can still hug on my dog and feel better.

 

[INTJMom]

Thanks Tallulah.
I talked to my son about what he said. I told him he hurt my feelings.
It was better after that.

 

[RenaiReborn]

*hug* I love you Momma darling.

 

[INTJMom]

Thank you Kristen. You are such a dear.
I am doing much better today.

 

[heart]

Your 15 yr old still immature, dealing with the fear of loss in defensive ways, wants to distance himself before he can be hurt again, he likely doesn't mean any of it and it will surely pass it sounds like but as far as the adults around you, the ones who should know better? I don't understand why so much pain seems to come out of the woodwork after a great loss, but it just does sometimes. Maybe others feel the weakness and strike?, I just don't know. People did stuff like this to me right after my father died. It was like the world went insane.

I am very sorry to hear you're having to deal with all of that during this time.

 

[INTJMom]

Thanks, heart. It is hard when I'm still rather tender from my grief.
And it's starting to annoy me that everyone thinks they have the right to tell me what to do, or give me advice without me asking for it.

As for my son, we patched things up right away, so that's ok for now.
He's an ENFJ.
It's just that he has always talked of someday buying a house and making an in-law apartment for me.
And he always has said the sweetest things to me -
my other 2 kids are "T"s.
It caught me off-guard,
I felt like I got punched in the stomach.
And I've already been feeling emotionally abandoned by everybody else.
Though my daughter had been good to me.
She's been very sweet... but she doesn't live at home any more.

 

[heart]

Why would anyone expect you to be able to make any big life changing decisions, like school, right now anyway? People just don't think sometimes.

 

[INTJMom]

Yeah, I know.
And one of my sister-in-law said that our messages on facebook were embarrassing and we should pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps.
So I unfriended her.
I just got an earful from her husband about how I need to be open to different opinions.
But I told him that I wasn't giving up Facebook because it was my lifeline to encouragement and friends who are praying for me.
And it makes me paranoid to worry if I'm embarrassing my sil by the things I'm saying.

 

[Tallulah]

Wow, sometimes people really are clueless. Perhaps your sil has never lost anyone close to her--that tends to make people change their tune. It's hard to imagine how it feels unless you've been through it. I think you were right to unfriend her. You need to be patient with yourself and let yourself grieve. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve!

 

[heart]

Wow

Sounds like you're around some really uptight and sanctimonious people.

 

[INTJMom]

Thanks for your support, you guys.
I'm sure they're well-meaning, but they don't realize the pressure they're putting on me is more than I can take right now.
There are some things I absolutely HAVE to do, and interacting with them and letting them cause chaos in my emotional life is not one of those things I can handle well right now... and not one of those things I feel I HAVE to do.
I'm trying to hold myself together, and it's really difficult with people putting unrealistic demands on me.
My bills are paid, my kids are fed, and I'm getting out of bed every day.
I think they should be impressed.