Mock emotions

[substitute]

You know like teachers do, when one minute they're bellowing at the class and the next minute they turn around and talk in a perfectly calm voice to an adult standing next to them? So like, it wasn't real anger, but sorta 'acted' anger, for the benefit of the class?

Well, I do it all the time. Especially when I'm driving. Some knobhead cuts me up on the inside and I'll shout "You utter cretin!" and flip the bird, but I'm really not actually angry, in fact I'm closer to joking and laughing than I am angry - feel my pulse and it's calmer than the calmest ocean, even whilst I'm yelling.

Many of the emotions I display are in fact not real emotions, but only skin deep - just playing around at pretending or showing whatever emotion would be most suitable for the situation, often for comic effect. In reality I'm on a very even keel 90% of the time and completely calm.

Now, this is something I've seen other people do too, I'm sure of it. But my ISTJ friend finds it all baffling - and incredible; he doesn't believe it. He thinks this is me trying to make out I'm pretending the emotions just because I'm "embarrassed" at having been "caught" being emotional. Personally I find that interpretation baffling! But whatever the case, he seems unable to fathom the idea of someone not standing 100% by every single word they utter.

And then, to top it all off, when I actually do show a real emotion, which I'd think most people would be able to tell the difference, he sits with a disdainful look as if to say he doesn't believe it's real, thinks I'm putting it on!! He uses the phrase "trying to win an argument by sheer force of personality", when I'm doing nothing of the kind, I'm simply saying what I think but because I think it so strongly, it comes out with the emotions attached to it in my natural, exuberant style.

So, anyone know what I mean? Anyone nodding right now while reading this? Is this an SJ/NP difference? An Si/Ne clash? Or a more widespread thing? Or is it just me and him?

 

[Night]

Many times, negative emotions can bottleneck into wider psychological pollution if not properly purged.


I find that reading tends to diminish my emotional distress.

 

[elfinchilde]

I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. When i express an emotion, it is always genuine. Even if fleeting, as most of mine are.

Is that what you mean by skin deep?

 

[white]

Perhaps as an ENTP with a high Fe, I can guess what you mean there.

I call it mimicry, simply. You affect the emotion that fits the behaviour of the group, sometimes unconsciously even, because it is what that will get you the results you wish. Sometimes it is fitting in. Othertimes, it is standing out. And all the shades inbetween. But in reality, you're merely toying with it the way a kitten plays with little strings of yarn. It is something external to you, fascinating, but not internalised.

Does it make that emotion fake, are real emotions suppressed? I am not certain.

What is a real emotion anyway; if something is temporal, does it mean it is false? All emotions are by their nature, temporal?

Methinks your ISTJ seeks constancy and is somewhat flummoxed by the changeability you show. But I'm not certain what constancy there is in emotions.

Perhaps his rate of change is slower than yours, that's all. Hence when he sees how you behave with others, it does not fit the system he knows, which is 1) how he behaves 2) how he believes everyone should behave.

Edit: And he only believes he stands by 100% of his words all the time, methinks. Someone like that either doesn't speak much, or doesn't have much friends IRL isn't it.

 

[elfinchilde]

^ what she said:

Is it unique to ENTPs?

But. If i'm happy, i'm happy. If i'm sad, i'm sad.

that's all there is. i don't quite hide anything: at most, i'd just keep quiet when i'm down, so that i don't snap at others.

it's real, even if it's fleeting. but yes though, my moods change often and plenty. i'm the original storm in a tea cup.

 

[RDF]

Some knobhead cuts me up on the inside and I'll shout "You utter cretin!" and flip the bird,

I would call that a genuine emotion, just very transitory and shallow. I would call it "irritation." In my case, it lasts long enough for me to utter a couple quick obscenities, but not long enough to affect my respiration or heartbeat. It's forgotten a few seconds later when my attention is distracted by something else.

But if I were to get cut off three times in quick succession by the same bonehead who is trying to find a break in heavy traffic, and I may get irritated enough that the emotion doesn't go away so quickly...

I'm simply saying what I think but because I think it so strongly, it comes out with the emotions attached to it in my natural, exuberant style.

When people get worked up in a debate, I would call that a genuine emotion too, for example "frustration" at not being able to get the other person to see one's point. That might be similar to the level of being cut off three times in quick succession in traffic.

*********

IOW, I think that they're both genuine emotions, just with different levels of transitoriness and shallowness. We have appropriate language for shallow emotions: irritation, frustration, annoyance, aggravation...

In the case of your friend, he may not realize just how frustrated you might get when you can't get your point across in a debate (or how much "enthusiasm" you attach to making the point itself). I've seen ENTPs get pretty worked up in a debate with me, whereas I myself am feeling 100 percent calm and not attaching much importance to the debate at all. Same with INFJs--they can become quite hurt and angry when I simply refuse to recognize a distinction that's crucial to them. (Sometimes I'm only arguing a point half-heartedly, using Fi to process the issue inwardly and not even really paying attention to the debate itself, and suddenly I notice that the other party is getting quite riled and heated.)

So I would suggest that your ISTJ friend doesn't feel the same levels or hierarchies of annoyance/irritation to the same minor stimuli. But I would still call them all genuine emotions; I would just distinguish between them by the varying levels of transitoriness and shallowness.

 

[Totenkindly]

So, anyone know what I mean? Anyone nodding right now while reading this? Is this an SJ/NP difference? An Si/Ne clash? Or a more widespread thing? Or is it just me and him?

I do this a lot. I even do it here sometimes. The appropriate response (and especially one to get the point across) might be "annoyance" or "anger", and so I play into that, more to express my opinion of the matter, but not really because I'm as annoyed or angry emotionally as I might be making myself sound.

 

[elfinchilde]

I do this a lot. I even do it here sometimes. The appropriate response (and especially one to get the point across) might be "annoyance" or "anger", and so I play into that, more to express my opinion of the matter, but not really because I'm as annoyed or angry emotionally as I might be making myself sound.

am i the only screwball who expresses everything exactly as i feel, whenever i feel it?

 

[Totenkindly]

am i the only screwball who expresses everything exactly as i feel, whenever i feel it?

I don't know. Are you?

I am mostly saying there is an intellectualized component to my emotion, it's not all pure expression.

 

[elfinchilde]

I don't know. Are you?

i'm doomed.

I am mostly saying there is an intellectualized component to my emotion, it's not all pure expression.

oh ok. But that is usually the case, isn't it? As in, one is consciously aware of why they're feeling that emotion at that particular point in time. The rational identification of the triggers and all that. Which is precisely why it can be expressed, isn't it?

i.e., situation-->eliciting of an emotional response-->rational understanding of the response-->emotional expression.

*elfie has a sense she is going in circles and off-topic*

 

[Totenkindly]

i'm doomed.

To what? Be elementarily elemental?

That ain't a bad thing.

oh ok. But that is usually the case, isn't it? As in, one is consciously aware of why they're feeling that emotion at that particular point in time. The rational identification of the triggers and all that. Which is precisely why it can be expressed, isn't it?

I'm not really saying it's just an awareness, it involves an active component as well. There are two scenarios:

1. I feel some of the emotion in me, but I add to it or take away from it depending on how appropriate it is to the situation.

2. I think that a particular situation demands a particular emotional response (i.e., the response that best resolves it involves the expression of some amount of emotion).

So I express the emotion because I know it's appropriate (and I'm using the emotion to express my opinion, almost, in a sense), not necessarily because I am feeling it at that strength.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

To OP: my first memory of harshly situation-dependent emotions is a disturbingly negative one.

I did something in the elementary school that I thought the teacher allowed (and wanted) us to do, only to find her raging at us in a theatrical but a frightening style. Some student went by the open door of the classroom, the teacher transforming to a nice person to say hi, and back to monster and yelling at us.

I was 10 but I knew that was utter shit.

When I was 11, she was dismissed from her position of a school teacher on grounds of emotional instability and unsuitability for such a position.

---


Since then, you know me, you (sub) and Whatever topped the scores in high-monitoring behavior So you know I do fake emotions now and then.. more so than most others.

Still, that teacher's behavior is too far off. It doesn't lead to good consequences.

 

[elfinchilde]

To what? Be elementarily elemental?

That ain't a bad thing.

I like Jennifer!

I'm not really saying it's just an awareness, it involves an active component as well. There are two scenarios:

1. I feel some of the emotion in me, but I add to it or take away from it depending on how appropriate it is to the situation.

2. I think that a particular situation demands a particular emotional response (i.e., the response that best resolves it involves the expression of some amount of emotion).

So I express the emotion because I know it's appropriate (and I'm using the emotion to express my opinion, almost, in a sense), not necessarily because I am feeling it at that strength.

Ah, I see. I do (1).
Edit: only if i care to.


(2) is something I struggle with though. Can't quite 'fake it', so to speak, even when i rationally know it is what needs to be done. Just strikes me as being false...not that it is wrong--since it certainly helps in socio-politicking--but i just can't do it: it's not me. Only if i have that original emotion within me with regards to the situation, then i can amplify/reduce it as i wish. but if it doesn't exist in me for that particular situation, i can't express it.

and ok. i think i've derailed enough. Could we have more of the other types responding? *hopeful* Thus far, it's interesting, cos the ENTPs concur. Would like to see more of the Ss and the Fs...(and the INTP/Js)

 

[zarc]

am i the only screwball who expresses everything exactly as i feel, whenever i feel it?

Nope, not the only screwy-ball. You've called me out on my Fe- bleeding myself dry! But, whether or not I feel it, I may not always show it to others or show just a bit unless I'm angered for (mostly) other people or passionate with ideas. I may also try to shirk or skew my Fe-ed skin in order to be appropriate within certain situations but I mainly show calm always unless I want to inspire others (sometimes calmly too!) If the feelings are too personal to me, or I haven't figured out the meaning of them in relation to myself or to another/s or the to world at large!, I may shun it but I'll still quietly, sometimes desperately plumb through the vessels of that new body... I may also try to retain feelings more than I should in order to understand it or use it to create something (as with writing)...Ah, Ni can't see the blood stains but it can see all shades of red, trying to pin-point and it runs around a clown's squishy nose until it squeaks a telling noise! But when I realise I'm showing too early or when I don't want to, even if it's positive, I may hide myself away for a time from others!

I've largely gotten over trying to keep more to myself (unless I'm depressed, well--), and have returned to being more carefree as when I was little. I've always been "me" in the moment and I cherish all the feelings which inspire me, including the feelings of others!

I still have an Fe-blood stained body or shield but, well, mostly people aren't aware until I sweat til I glisten! Not Completely Random Note: I used to enjoy saying "I'm gonna skew you!" a lot....a lot...

And I'm not so sure people mock-emote shock. We create our emotions, even if we concoct them as a joke, as they still existed, even can be introjected, within us or projected by us even if weakly or quickly. It's what we attach to them and detach by them which will showcase how relevant they are to us, even if we designed them to not be relevant to the situation or to others. I have the urge to speak on the Hypothalamus but I shan't go further! I do see it that we create our emotions to attach to and until we detach they'll keep on linking and linking becoming stronger, whether "real" or "inspired". I think it's very easy to pretend a feeling into reality. I think it's very easy to take real emotions and pretend them away too...What do you want to use them for? Will you be used by them?

Ah, aelan has corrupted me into Delirium!

 

[Totenkindly]

(2) is something I struggle with though. Can't quite 'fake it', so to speak, even when i rationally know it is what needs to be done. Just strikes me as being false...not that it is wrong--since it certainly helps in socio-politicking--but i just can't do it: it's not me.

So you haven't had a situation in which someone says something that irks you a little but you also know is extremely rude/wrong... and so you start to respond under the notion you SHOULD be angry... and you find yourself expressing yourself into those terms of stronger anger, even though technically you are not at all as out of control as your words might make it seem?

(for example)

It's rather hard to describe because it is not quite that clear cut, it's muddy around the edges.

 

[Tigerlily]

Some knobhead cuts me up on the inside and I'll shout "You utter cretin!" and flip the bird, but I'm really not actually angry, in fact I'm closer to joking and laughing than I am angry - feel my pulse and it's calmer than the calmest ocean, even whilst I'm yelling.

LMAO! I'll be back later to elaborate.

 

[Ender]

I can and do use mock emotions since in most cases my real emotions are misunderstood anyway.

Then again at times I'll fake an emotion just to get a specific reaction out of someone just to be a pain in their ass

 

[cafe]

I have a hard time even showing my real emotions, so if I am showing some kind of strong emotion you can pretty much count on it being real and probably stronger than it looks. It might be transient and it might even be misdirected, but if I'm showing emotion, it's very likely real.

 

[faith]

You know like teachers do, when one minute they're bellowing at the class and the next minute they turn around and talk in a perfectly calm voice to an adult standing next to them? So like, it wasn't real anger, but sorta 'acted' anger, for the benefit of the class?

That's a strange assumption to make. Just because a teacher is angry with a class doesn't mean s/he is angry at another adult. Why should the teacher express anger to someone s/he isn't angry with? There are plenty of times I'm furious with my class, but I'm not about to let that fury spill over and pollute my other relationships.

 

[elfinchilde]

So you haven't had a situation in which someone says something that irks you a little but you also know is extremely rude/wrong... and so you start to respond under the notion you SHOULD be angry... and you find yourself expressing yourself into those terms of stronger anger, even though technically you are not at all as out of control as your words might make it seem?

(for example)

It's rather hard to describe because it is not quite that clear cut, it's muddy around the edges.

Not this exact situation, but i think i know what you're getting at....No, then. I either am angry, or I'm not. And even if i should be angry, but i can't feel it, then, i can't express it. I'd just be the classic intp.

Of course, the varying degrees of anger (or whatever emotion) will depend on the situation. But basically, i'd be expressing it as i feel it.

more often than not, if i'm "modifying" the emotion, then, it tends to be negativity--eg, grumpiness--that i don't want to unleash it onto other people. So in that sense, i 'moderate' it by just keeping quiet and keeping it in. (until i explode cos i implode. )

ok. i am doomed. mama.

Aelan was right, then. INTPs can't do the social game. yes. ok. thanks jennifer. *subdued elf* i'll listen to my sis from now on.