[ISTP] ISTPs in friendship, communication, and the opposite

[frozen-ozzie]

I've been perusing the forums quite a bit, and it seems like the overall opinion of ISTPs is that we are very well-liked. I'm still quite new, and a bit unclear about how exactly all of these personalities line up and such, but this is one point that I somehow understand, but it confuses me to no end.

In life I'm often called all sorts of nasty things (cold-hearted, selfish, cynical, anti-social, and bitchy among them, often by my friends and even my mom). I really don't like people (as an overall group. I find most people I meet to be downright stupid and boring, and not worth my time) and very rarely find people I'm fond of. I have one person who I tell "everything" to (an ESTJ), and that's still only 95% of myself. I don't enjoy going out and I don't enjoy spending time with more than 2 or 3 people at a time. I've never had an SO, because those who tend to show interest are among the many, many people I dislike. Looking at this list, and my own experiences, I was under the impression that we're not a particularly well-liked group. And yet there's one thing I can't figure out...

People have a tendency to think that I'm their friend.

Usually people who I really don't like.

And I can never seem to shake them, no matter what I do without being completely direct and saying "I hate you. Leave me alone."

To fellow ISTPs, I'm curious if you find yourselves in similar situations. If you can relate, how do you deal with it? If not (or if you think I may be crazy ), what's different?

To everyone else... Why do you like us so much? What specifically is it? (and do you find that ISTPs tend NOT to be like me?)

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I don't know your age but I can tell you that the older I've gotten the more tolerant I am toward other people's behavior. I'm more inclined to give the benefit of the doubt to those I would have snubbed years earlier for being "stupid" and I've learned some things from them. Now. I believe it is rare for us to connect with others. That's just who we are to some extent.

I've been called similar names by my friends and non-friends alike. That made me laugh a bit. You'd have to ask your friends. I have asked mine. See what they say.

Only part I don't understand is you not being able to shake the people who you don't like. If I don't like someone it's going to be apparent. Maybe they take your silence as acceptance? You might want to be a little more forthright and you might not have that issue.

 

[DoctorYikes]

For me, it's because I'm very rarely an outright dick to anyone. I can have complete disdain and loathing for an individual and still maintain more civility than average. It's really just a cost-benefit analysis at this point. Say there's some co-worker/neighbor/whatever that I can't stand. I'm probably going to have to deal with them on a regular basis, and it doesn't do ME any good to be a jerkass toward them although it will certainly make future interactions less pleasant than they already are, so... *shrug*

With people I -don't- have to deal with regularly who rub me the wrong way... Meh, it's easier to just ignore them. I'll just walk away or hang up on someone if it gets to the point where I realize that the conversation is too stupid to go on living.

 

[jixmixfix]

i used to be like you when I was a teenager. I pretty much didn't understand people or couldn't relate. The best thing to do is to know your boundaries, and that is something I've learned. I still can't relate to most people, but the number one thing is to respect others who respect you. I've noticed that I'm generally good at noticing and analyzing little quirky things around me, most people aren't as aware of their surroundings as me. so I can make others laugh or ponder about things that are happening around us in our environment. It's a good skill I think most ISTP's (probably sp's) have.

 

[KDude]

Ironically, it seemed like I had more friends when I was a bigger asshole. There are a lot of masochists out there, I think. Heh. Even while knowing that, I try to be cooler for my own peace of mind. I'm not exactly making a lot more friends because of it.

 

[jixmixfix]

Ironically, it seemed like I had more friends when I was a bigger asshole. There are a lot of masochists out there, I think. Heh. Even while knowing that, I try to be cooler for my own peace of mind. I'm not exactly making a lot more friends because of it.

Problem I find with most people is that they always wanna fight or argue or show off, etc. It's not really in the ISTP's nature to do so.

 

[KDude]

I never wanted to fight.. I'll spare you my particular sob story, but I definitely didn't start off that way. But I did start fighting back more.. then kind of indulged in the idea for awhile. What I mean above though is that some thought it was cool. I guess if you handle yourself like that, then some people admire it. I stopped admiring myself though. And now that I try to work on that..I don't think I win people over or something. Just kind of inconspicuous, I guess. Not really part of the "pecking order" or what have you. Not part of anything.

Actually.. Chris Cornell put it best.

I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger, drop the blade
And watch the rolling heads

The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggar's change
And gave it to the rich
The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch

The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs

I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed

 

[DoctorYikes]

Problem I find with most people is that they always wanna fight or argue or show off, etc. It's not really in the ISTP's nature to do so.

I dunno. I'm a pretty big fan of showing off.

 

[DoctorYikes]

Aside: Is there some setting I can tweak to stop the double-posting? I mean -every- single post? Or is that just something this forum software enjoys doing?

 

[KDude]

The forum just went through an upgrade and is kind of broken, hangs a bit. I just delete the second posts if it happens.

 

[Randomnity]

I read your post again and I still don't understand if you're asking how to become well-liked like you see on the forums, or how to become less liked in order to stop people from wanting to hang out with you. Or both? neither? Just observing?



I haven't been called those nasty things except in jest, but I've thought them of myself at times. I think the common trend on the forum is not precisely to be well-liked, but rather to be thought of mildly positively in a vague, sort of abstract way, without many/any stronger connections or impressions.

 

[KDude]

@DoctorYikes: Btw, how exactly do you show off? I'm just curious. When I'm enjoying a conversation or some activity, I guess I can get carried away, start rambling about my point of view or maybe just screw around and shittalk playing a sport or something, but never could show off per se.

 

[DoctorYikes]

@DoctorYikes: Btw, how exactly do you show off? I'm just curious. When I'm enjoying a conversation or some activity, I guess I can get carried away, start rambling about my point of view or maybe just screw around and shittalk playing a sport or something, but never could show off per se.

Just a general mindset, I think. Since I was a kid I've pretty much had to endeavor to be The Best at any and everything I've undertaken. That, coupled with the desire to have an audience (Performer) I classify under 'Showing Off'. Tough balance at times, being motivated to impress people... yet not so motivated for them to stick around afterward. *heh*

Re: Double posts. I was trying to just delete them, but it was deleting both posts when I tried to do that. Is tricky, ha ha.

 

[jixmixfix]

I dunno. I'm a pretty big fan of showing off.

I hate showing off, I look like your every day typical male with nun chuck skills. My point was though that ISTP's like stay on the down-low about things.

 

[KDude]

I wouldn't doubt some ISTPs (or IPs in general) would do it. Takes all kinds. Personally, when I grandstanded a little, it was impulsive, and I looked inside myself.. like "Wtf are you doing?" and stopped. It isn't my typical style or whatnot. For the most part, I don't like too much attention. Not even always in the mood for positive attention. A whole party could sing happy birthday for me and I could be dying to get it over with.