Giggly
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[ISTJ] ISTJs: Is love worth the trouble?
- Thread starter fishingdude
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Giggly
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raz
Let's make this showy!
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Giggly
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Anentropic IxTx
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OMG...its exactly how i feel 
as an istj i only wants to protect myself of getting heartbroken...but still got heartbroken ha ha ha..my sis ENFP really living her life to the max,i wish i can do the same...but as an ISTJ...it really hard to just "jump off the cliff & try to enjoy the ride"...
as an istj i only wants to protect myself of getting heartbroken...but still got heartbroken ha ha ha..my sis ENFP really living her life to the max,i wish i can do the same...but as an ISTJ...it really hard to just "jump off the cliff & try to enjoy the ride"...
raz
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OMG...its exactly how i feel
Welcome to the forums! Another ISTJ! Yay.
And don't try to compare yourself to the ENFP. You can live your life to "your" max. It's just that hers looks radically different from yours. Just because you're not constantly extraverting doesn't mean you're not taking full advantage of your talents. Personally, I'd love to have an ENFP sibling. I could probably learn a lot from them.
recently i made friend with this guy ESFP and i was like "huh"-...he knows EXACTLY what i want,i feel,and we're so like finding soulmates and all ...its rare connection,i really feel content but unfortunately he has a girlfriend...and i 'm back to being all heartbroken "again"...ha ha ha so now i'm trying to "detox" my feeling for him...sucks!
...he knows EXACTLY what i want,i feel,and we're so like finding soulmates and all ...its rare connection,i really feel content but unfortunately he has a girlfriend...and i 'm back to being all heartbroken "again"...ha ha ha so now i'm trying to "detox" my feeling for him...sucks!
d@v3
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OMG...its exactly how i feel
Welcome to the forums!
Another ISTJ!:hi: I know how that feels, my best friend is ENFP, and he is indeed living his life to the fullest. Whereas I can barely talk to an attractive girl at all! I am too shy.
He basically tells me " how do you know if your going to get rejected if you don't try?" I know he is right, but it's harder than he thinks just to walk up to someone and start talking to them. 
But you were brave enough to befriend him!
I hope your heartbreak is not to severe.
raz
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Welcome to the forums!
I know how that feels, my best friend is ENFP, and he is indeed living his life to the fullest. Whereas I can barely talk to an attractive girl at all! I am too shy.
But you were brave enough to befriend him!
I hope your heartbreak is not to severe.
I think it's just that I set much higher standards on if I'll ask someone out. It's not like I haven't. I just wait until I feel pretty good about the connection with the person. Just asking a person that I barely know or don't really feel anything for feels like a waste of time. If I've known someone for a good amount of time, and I'm feeling pretty comfortable around them, you can bet I'll do something about it if they're available.
The rejection is part of it. I don't deal well with the emotional reaction to talking to strangers, though.
FallaciaSonata
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I've only had a couple of girlfriends, for very short periods of time. (Month, at best.) And those were a few years back. It's not that I feel shy or anything, as d@v3 stated above. I just see little point in pursuing a relationship at this point in time.
I know it sounds incredibly arrogant on my part, but I sincerely believe I will not have any major problems finding a girlfriend. It's just a matter of going and looking.
But that list fishingdude initially posted pretty much describes my plan. Relationship is at the bottom --- college, career, and financial stability come first.
And no, I wouldn't impulsively ask someone out. That's not me. Like Raz said, I would get to know them first, probably grow an ordinary friendship over a period of a few months, before stepping into the "dating arena". And then I'd date for at least a couple of years or more.
Not sure if this is considered necroposting. If it is, and this forum does not allow it, my apologies. I did not mean to break the rules.
I know it sounds incredibly arrogant on my part, but I sincerely believe I will not have any major problems finding a girlfriend. It's just a matter of going and looking.
But that list fishingdude initially posted pretty much describes my plan. Relationship is at the bottom --- college, career, and financial stability come first.
And no, I wouldn't impulsively ask someone out. That's not me. Like Raz said, I would get to know them first, probably grow an ordinary friendship over a period of a few months, before stepping into the "dating arena". And then I'd date for at least a couple of years or more.
Not sure if this is considered necroposting. If it is, and this forum does not allow it, my apologies. I did not mean to break the rules.
zillah
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OMG...its exactly how i feel
What works for me is research. There are books about psychology, emotions, relationships. Find some good ones and study them. The more you know what to expect, the less things will throw you when they do go wrong. You still have to live through it, but I find it helps enormously to have a map. The more anxious I am, the more I reach for more information.
I'd have to yes as to whether love is worth the trouble. Perhaps my point is a bit skewed because I'm an old(er) man, or that I've never been "between relationships" with the associated heartbreak. I had a girlfriend 22 years ago. I married her. Year 23 is in progress. She is the only one I have ever been with - never had gf's in school or anywhere else. The thing of it is, "relationship" was never on my list of things to do (a list made as I was a junior in high school and is still - 33 years later - on target). We met, and - six weeks later, I proposed.
I guess what I mean is (IMHO) that love isnt a goal, but a process. It's something that doesn't go on a list. What did go on the list was "make her happy".
Anyway, don't know if that helps, but there you go.
I guess what I mean is (IMHO) that love isnt a goal, but a process. It's something that doesn't go on a list. What did go on the list was "make her happy".
Anyway, don't know if that helps, but there you go.
zillah
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I guess what I mean is (IMHO) that love isnt a goal, but a process. It's something that doesn't go on a list. What did go on the list was "make her happy".
Anyway, don't know if that helps, but there you go.
Well, I thought it was cool anyways.
voraciousveggies
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Wow. Another new ISTJ here, and oh my gosh I cannot tell you how much of a cosmic relief reading this post has been. I thought for sure I was the only person who approached life this way. I totally relate to fishingdude's checklist. I'm 24, never dated, just bought a house, majorly keep to myself and have about a dozen other "items" I feel I need to achieve before I will be stable enough and ready to start branching out and pursuing relationships. The thing is I've always had this nagging thought wondering if there is something majorly wrong with me because I seem to be working life backwards from everyone else I see. I mean I have many good interests/hobbies and am not totally an ugly troll, but I have such a hard time putting effort into pursuing people.
Anyway I just wanted to say thank you to fishingdude and raz in particular for articulating so beautifully exactly what is going on inside me too, and for letting me know I'm not the only one.
I'd also like to say (and I greatly suspect this applies to some of the frequent posters on this thread) that although we ISTJs get deeply tangled up in the cost/benefit analysis of love (boy was that a perfect description by the way) we really do share that which is common to all humans-a deep need to connect intimately with people. That is why this thread was even started - an ISTJ felt a hole deep down and knew it needed to be fixed somehow.
To be honest I think a lot of it has to do with a degree of fear of failure. Success in relationships must be ensured, therefore I will become ultracompetent in all areas I see as foundational to that end i.e. personal growth, financial stability, education etc before I undertake any risk.
Yes trouble with small talk and all the fluff of social interaction plays a part too, but I believe if we felt safe we would go for it more.
I don't know what the solution is but rest assured I have had all the kings horses and all the kings men working on it for a while now. Anyway thanks for reading.
Anyway I just wanted to say thank you to fishingdude and raz in particular for articulating so beautifully exactly what is going on inside me too, and for letting me know I'm not the only one.
I'd also like to say (and I greatly suspect this applies to some of the frequent posters on this thread) that although we ISTJs get deeply tangled up in the cost/benefit analysis of love (boy was that a perfect description by the way) we really do share that which is common to all humans-a deep need to connect intimately with people. That is why this thread was even started - an ISTJ felt a hole deep down and knew it needed to be fixed somehow.
To be honest I think a lot of it has to do with a degree of fear of failure. Success in relationships must be ensured, therefore I will become ultracompetent in all areas I see as foundational to that end i.e. personal growth, financial stability, education etc before I undertake any risk.
Yes trouble with small talk and all the fluff of social interaction plays a part too, but I believe if we felt safe we would go for it more.
I don't know what the solution is but rest assured I have had all the kings horses and all the kings men working on it for a while now
. Anyway thanks for reading.
