Chimerical
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2008
- Messages
- 898
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 1w5
Writing about writing and not talking to anyone anymore. Well... my job means I need to talk to people. But I can limit how much I talk at work.
I'm going to move out soon to live by myself. I wont talk to my neighbors. I'll find a place close to work so I can walk. This will limit the amount of people I come in contact with. Eventually I'll get a car and drive [which will really limit social contact].
I'm great at everything I do. I always find a way to succeed. People are different. If you try hard you fail. If you don't try you fail. There some gray middle ground that's hard to achieve.
If I'm learning a new song on the piano I wont get upset if I fuck up. If I'm learning a new fold in origami and I screw up I just try again. It's no big deal when I die in a video game, I just try it again. If I mess up a trick on my skateboard I just try it again and I wont be upset. All those things I try failure isn't an issue cause I learn what went wrong and correct the error and try again. And the errors don't effect me emotionally. I see improvement and notice things getting better. I eventually succeed from hard work and persistence. The more persistent I am the better I do. Effort is the key.
People aren't the same. When a girl doesn't like me I can't try again. She still remembers the mistakes I made. A skateboard doesn't remember I didn't land the inward heel flip. When I try again with her she's still upset with me. If I wait it out, she'll move on and find a boyfriend [that's not me]. In piano I can focus on the area of a song that I do poorly on till I get it right. Girls are all different. I can't focus on what I did and fucked up. There's a horribly harsh learning curve.
Because of how I learn I can't get it down. It's the equivalent of learning a new song every once in a while when I happen to, by chance, stumble across one, with no choice over which songs to learn [so I can't selectively look at a few and pic one out. Can't even hear what they sound like before playing them]. Then if you fuck up the song, it's done and over with. You can't play that song anymore. If this was the case with piano I would be horrible with that too.
Cause I focus on my mistakes and correct them. This is how I get better at things. This skill allows me to be great at everything I'm able to focus on in an isolated situation.
Girls... I can't focus on my flaws in isolation. Nor can I with people in general. When I fuck it up, it's over. Each time it eats at me just a little. I don't want it to bother me. I try not to. But it does, little by little. After I've had enough I feel like shit and want to die.
So, since I can't isolate the area's of concern [and since I'm unaware of what I'm doing wrong in the first place] I give up. This is the one thing I've tried and haven't shown any improvement with. I actually get worse over time since it eats away and makes me so depressed.
For my own safety and mental health I don't care to talk to anyone anymore. So I'll limit all social interaction and anything that'd make me think of it. I'm going into isolation.
I'm going to move out soon to live by myself. I wont talk to my neighbors. I'll find a place close to work so I can walk. This will limit the amount of people I come in contact with. Eventually I'll get a car and drive [which will really limit social contact].
I'm great at everything I do. I always find a way to succeed. People are different. If you try hard you fail. If you don't try you fail. There some gray middle ground that's hard to achieve.
If I'm learning a new song on the piano I wont get upset if I fuck up. If I'm learning a new fold in origami and I screw up I just try again. It's no big deal when I die in a video game, I just try it again. If I mess up a trick on my skateboard I just try it again and I wont be upset. All those things I try failure isn't an issue cause I learn what went wrong and correct the error and try again. And the errors don't effect me emotionally. I see improvement and notice things getting better. I eventually succeed from hard work and persistence. The more persistent I am the better I do. Effort is the key.
People aren't the same. When a girl doesn't like me I can't try again. She still remembers the mistakes I made. A skateboard doesn't remember I didn't land the inward heel flip. When I try again with her she's still upset with me. If I wait it out, she'll move on and find a boyfriend [that's not me]. In piano I can focus on the area of a song that I do poorly on till I get it right. Girls are all different. I can't focus on what I did and fucked up. There's a horribly harsh learning curve.
Because of how I learn I can't get it down. It's the equivalent of learning a new song every once in a while when I happen to, by chance, stumble across one, with no choice over which songs to learn [so I can't selectively look at a few and pic one out. Can't even hear what they sound like before playing them]. Then if you fuck up the song, it's done and over with. You can't play that song anymore. If this was the case with piano I would be horrible with that too.
Cause I focus on my mistakes and correct them. This is how I get better at things. This skill allows me to be great at everything I'm able to focus on in an isolated situation.
Girls... I can't focus on my flaws in isolation. Nor can I with people in general. When I fuck it up, it's over. Each time it eats at me just a little. I don't want it to bother me. I try not to. But it does, little by little. After I've had enough I feel like shit and want to die.
So, since I can't isolate the area's of concern [and since I'm unaware of what I'm doing wrong in the first place] I give up. This is the one thing I've tried and haven't shown any improvement with. I actually get worse over time since it eats away and makes me so depressed.
For my own safety and mental health I don't care to talk to anyone anymore. So I'll limit all social interaction and anything that'd make me think of it. I'm going into isolation.
