[Other] ISFJ sister doesn't want wedding presents?

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

My (ISFJ - tested) sister is getting married early next month. She has not created a wedding registry and claims to not want gifts. My parents are getting her and her fiance a microwave regardless.

I am going to feel like a shit sister if I don't get her something. She is good at saying she doesn't want something but I wonder if that is just her way of minimizing her feelings/needs. Is this some kind of SJ tendency? But yeah, I don't know what to really get her, on account of the fact that their apartment is already furnished and all. Was thinking hand towels for their bathroom... lame I know...

Any suggestions?

 

[The Cat]

something practical and thrifty? ime such things are generally appreciated... perhaps a little something indicative of one of her interests?

 

[Tellenbach]

If she's a health conscious type of person, I'd get her a juicer or a nutri-bullet.

 

[ceecee]

My (ISFJ - tested) sister is getting married early next month. She has not created a wedding registry and claims to not want gifts. My parents are getting her and her fiance a microwave regardless.

I am going to feel like a shit sister if I don't get her something. She is good at saying she doesn't want something but I wonder if that is just her way of minimizing her feelings/needs. Is this some kind of SJ tendency? But yeah, I don't know what to really get her, on account of the fact that their apartment is already furnished and all. Was thinking hand towels for their bathroom... lame I know...

Any suggestions?

Give them money, some gift cards to a favorite place to eat, maybe some nice sheets. That sounds lame but I got Egyptian cotton sheets when I got married and I love them more than any other gift I got. Except the money.

 

[Ashtart]

Money is the best gift you can give to a person. They just have the options to use it to buy whatever they want, it's great.

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

I love 100% cotton sheets. Or clothing... or anything. So comfy!

 

[á´…eparted]

IMO bluntly say to her "I am getting something whether you like it nor not. I don't feel comfortable not doing so. Please tell me what sort of thing you want, if you decline I will be making my best guess.". This will make things clear, and if she truly doesn't want something she will make it known. This also opens up the chance to not only gain insight to what you could get her, but also remove any guilt you might experience for choosing something wrong.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Does she possibly want cash and feels too rude to say it?

The last several weddings I went to asked to not give gifts (with the exception of a personal bridal shower), except they really asked for cash

The trend du jour is to note that cash gifts are preferred "if you want to give something" (sometimes they note it will be used towards a honeymoon or a down payment on a home, as if I should help them with that?). This used to be considered extremely presumptuous and tacky, and to me it still is, but apparantly people are dropping the etiquette facade and just saying what they want. Every single wedding I've been to in the past few years noted this preference....all of them were SFJ women, so safe to say it may be an accepted norm now.

I'm not a fan of the trend, because I thought the point of wedding gifts were to help a new couple get set up in their new home, and if they have all the housewares they need, then why am I being obligated to give anything? It's also totally impersonal and has little significance unless a large sum, which most of us can't do. No one sends thank you cards anymore either, unless you're me. So the cash is just going to get stuck in a wad of other cash with no personal connection or meaning. If they need more cash, then maybe they should get a better job or something.

Recently, I gave one couple a little cash (which I'm sure was promptly forgotten) and the other a bottle of sparkling wine I had on hand because I didn't feel like giving cash. Both got bridal shower gifts as well. I usually try and gift lingerie that I think will embarrass them to open and then I make sure I leave before they open it - haha! If there's no alcohol then I'm definitely leaving after 1 hour anyway....

Last wedding I went to had the most boring reception too....bad food, cheesy music, dumb speeches, NO ALCOHOL, and they want me to give them MONEY? To help offset the cost of their boring, sparse party? $20 will more than cover my entrance fee

 

[VILLANELLE]

Ask her if she really doesn't want anything because their place is furnished, or if there's another reason behind it -- like you say, minimizing her needs/feelings. Perhaps it's overwhelming because of the wedding stuff already.

If she claims to not want anything still after talking to her, get her a gift certificate to a restaurant, or some money or something. That's sort of small and maybe it won't seem like much, but it is something for her/fiance to use later, if they want.